Really, I sware it's the last time (for 2 weeks)

Ok, so tonight I will enjoy my ice cream and then I promise not to indulge for at least two weeks. I guess it's really not that healthy or conducive to a healthy weight loss regime to eat such ice cream 2,3, ok 5 times a week. It's a really bad and expensive habit that is running my husband and I about $10 a pop, so I suppose at this point it would be cheaper to start to smoking again?? (It would certainly help with the weight loss) Ok, disgusting! I cannot believe I actually really considered that as a plausible option.

Mommy needs a time out

I am a potty mouth. Not a full-fledged F word slinger, just the shit and yelling out for old JC once in a while. Not such a good habit for me, but now, definately not for my daughter. Yes, Sarah, sweet little 22 month old Sarah drops things and yells out "SHIT". The phone rings and I miss the call and she yells out "SHIT". In fact the phone just rings and she says it. One time, very recently, we were in the grocery store and an elderly woman dropped a box of rice on the floor and my little angel said it. I have tried to now change it to "Shoot" or even "Gravy" or some other nice word, but she is far to smart for anything I have to offer in the "change of direction" department.



ps- ok, yeah, I do use the F word too, but only if vitally necessary

100 Things About Me

In many of the blogs that I have run across the writer has taken the time to list a "100 things about me" type of "get to know me" entry. I'm tired right now, but I'll try...

100 Things About Me

1. I have green eyes
2. I llike my eyes
3. I am still adolescently insecure
4. But, I am working on that
5. I fell in love with my husband the first time I saw him
6. He does not believe that
7. I am still looking for my passion in life
8. I will never stop looking
9. I am messy in a piles of stuff cluttery way
10. This bothers my husband
11. I love chocolate
12. I love peanut butter
13. I love chocolate with peanut butter
14. I can and have eaten an entire box of Entemanns Apple Puffs in a 12 hour time period
15. I was not pregnant every time this has happened
16. I get very nervous on airplanes
17. I need to take a pill to take an airplane anywhere
18. I do not know how to swim
19. I have to hold my nose when jumping into the water
20. I like the TV show Grey's Anatomy
21. I hate reruns of anything
22. I like Oprah
23. I hate reruns of Oprah
24. I love to sing
25. I am not that good
26. I love to dance
27. I am really not that good
28. I drive a minivan
29. I swore I would never do that
30. I love my minivan
31. I cannot ice skate
32. I like to watch people ice skate
33. I cannot ski
34. I do not like to watch people ski
35. I do not really like the snow
36. Unless I am inside with a warm, cozy fire and cup of hot chocolate
37. When my husband proposed to me, I said " Are you sure?"
38. I still wonder if he was sure sometimes
39. I would like to go to the Oprah show someday
40. I have 1 sister and 4 brothers
41. 1 of my brothers is married
42. I like my sister-in -law
43. My husband's family is pretty cool too
44. My Mom is my best friend
45. My daughter has the same name as my parent's dog
46. I did not name her after the dog, I just like the name
47. My favorite season is autumn
48. I like the different colored leaves, but only on the trees
49. I do not like to rake the leaves
50. I don't do the lawn
51. I always kill the outside potted flowers and plants
52. I don't know why
53. I have my Beautician's license
54. I really don't enjoy doing people's hair
55. I never really felt like I fit in anywhere
56. My husband thinks I am weird
57. I think that is funny
58. I think he is weird
59. I would like to go to college someday
60. I am allergic to soy
61. I am allergic to dust, mold and any sort of pollen and grass that grows outdoors
62. Allergies suck...
63. I like yoga
64. I don't do yoga as much I would like to
65. I am thinking about chocolate ice cream right now
66. I just walked 4 miles
67. I love grilled cheese with tomato soup
68. I will not eat mussells, clams or anything slimey looking
69. I am a procrastinator
70. I took down the curtains in my bedroom 2 years ago to make new ones
71. I still have not made curtains for my bedroom, nor did I put back the old ones
72. I'll finish this list later.................

Where did patience go?

Patience, patience, where art thou?

I find myself a ball of nerves and biting my nails at the end of the day.

I put the wrong juice in the sippy cup ( heaven forbid, Tantrum # 1). I placed the wrong cereal in the snack bowl (Tantrum # 2).

"Sarah, put the binky back in your brother's mouth"
"Sarah get your hand out of the toilet"
"Sarah, drink your juice don't shake the cup all over the couch to see how many drops you can drip out"
"Sarah eat your lunch"
"Sarah eat something"
"Anything....."
"Ok, have some cookies"

Ok, so by 2pm I am ready to
a) nap
b) drink a case of beer
c) run away
d) all of the above

If you guessed "d" you get the Grand Prize, One All Inclusive Day with MY KIDZ !
(no just kidding)

This evening however, after everyone was fast asleep, Momma slipped off to grab a cup of coffee and to do the food shopping ALL BY MYSELF! Ah, heaven. As I floated through the grocery store I only purchased the items on my list and never did I once crave Devil Dogs or ice cream or any other stress reducing product. I think that I will make this my own little Sunday nite ritual.
I used to get all dolled up, cute little purse and shoes all ready for a nite on the town. Now, I proudly don my sneakers and chapstick, coupons in hand, ready for a blissful evening of adult thoughts, or no thoughts at all.
Fresh produce - here I come....

To begin with, today is Elephant Appreciation Day . Yes, today we celebrate the big and the grey.


Tonight, Oma comes over and watches the kiddies so that DH and I can actually go on a date. A real date with dinner and an alcoholic beverage(perhaps many). I promise not to imbibe too much in case Big Baby Boy is still awake when I get home and have to nurse him. But I am really excited: what will I wear? (not much that fits right now), what car will we take? (the minivan, or if I am lucky DH's truck!) where will we go? (my sister in law- LaLa) said they didn't care where, as they go out all the time, and I, well, never get out unless it is has a drive-thru.


As for the Grey's Anatomy season premier last night, I am pretty happy with it.
I don't want to ruin it for anyone who TiVo'd it so here is my interpretation:

Missing panties
dead fiance
the plague
love confession
found panties
teenage pregnancy
FINALLY! GET UP OFF THE BATHROOM FLOOR!

Ok, September and I have already killed the mums. I don't know what it is with me and plants outside. If I pot it, it will die.




Took the babes over to the town reservoir today, beautiful day, calm wind, warm sun. Toddler tantrum about 1/2 way around. She was tired and I know I should have went just a tad bit earlier so as not to cut into her naptime. Well, jot that down as the lesson for today.
(I hope that these kids learn 1/2 as much from me as I do from them!)

On a side note, Jim McGreevey (our former NJ Governor) was on The View today speaking about his new book. People are so critical of him. I wish that people would just look at him as another human being who made mistakes and get on with their lives. The guy tried to live his life in a way that was not true to who he really was. Of course in the end it didn't work out for him and of course other people were hurt along the way. The way he gets questioned you would think he killed someone or something. I think Rosie O'Donnell was so on point when she came to his defense and reworded some statements to help people understand what he was saying. He was a gay man who tried to deny his own truth. I couldn't imagine if something that was a huge part of who I am at the core was condemned by the church, the people around me, my family, as "wrong". She also noted to him that he speaks like a politician and that could be why his point didn't seem clear at times. So true, most people (like myself might) tend to shut down and not want to listen, or feel, like I do, that "political speak" is condescending and arrogant.
I guess for me, my belief is that being gay is part of a person just like the color of their hair or eyes. I understand that is not everyone's view, and to me that is very sad.
Why can't we look to other people as "other human beings", not judge them, or separate them into groups (even if just in our heads). If a person is a good person, and is not hurting anyone, and is living their life in a way that is suitable to them, who has the right to judge them?

Wouldn't life be so much nicer if we all looked to others as an extension of ourselves?
I guess that would start with me...........

Things I learned today:

• Don't let 22 month old daughter walk around the house with a banana
• Don't expect same daughter to stay seated when you place her in the cart part of a shopping cart
• Don't run outside to play with the soccer ball right before you know it's going to rain and then think your toddler will joyfully go back inside the house
• 3 handfuls of goldfish (cheddar or pretzels) can be considered lunch (for Mom too)
• A 20 lb 5 month old baby will be ok if his sister constantly lays on top of him when she kisses him
• Don't place same 5 month old teething baby on his belly right after nursing
• Due to the last one, I have found that excess saliva and breastmilk spitup can be messier than I have thought possible
• ALWAYS KISS THEM AND HUG THEM AND TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM!!
• Can always try to do the last with one with hubby if not to cranky..........(him or I)
• I still, in all my insanity, cannot wait to start my day with them tomorrow ! !

I was cleaning out my nightstand the other day and found some old journals. Most were all started but never completed and it really bothered me that most all entries rang of the same subject. I will start a diet tomorrow... I will start to workout tomorrow..... I will write my book tomorrow...I will (fill in the blank) tomorrow...

I was actually sad just sitting there realizing how much time I have spent in the past 10 years not being happy with myself, and yet, not doing anything about it. So, I just need to sit and think about what it is that I want to do and for what reasons. In thinking about it some more I realize that this underlying theme of "not good enough" shows up alot. Gonna have to get rid of that today.

To my little boy:

Always open the door for a lady
Treat her like an equal
Look for someone who challenges you (in a good way)
Marry your best friend (I did)
Look out for your sister (even though she is older than you)
Don't be afraid to voice your opinion, especially when yours is different
Be creative
Follow your heart

and

Don't forget to call your Mother
I love you JR!

As I was speaking on the phone to a very good friend of mine recently, I realized that I am not such a great listener. I spent much of the conversation thinking of what I wanted to say next and interrupting her ( sorry D ). Anyway, I wonder how often I do this? It has to be fairly often and with most people I come into contact with. Such a bad habit.

Note to Self: Be a better listener

First let me start off saying that I had to physically pry myself away from the tv to get this done tonight. I started watching 28 Days ( with Sandra Bullock ), and even though I have seen it 20 times before, I had to watch it again. Anyway, I started watching it while I was nursing Baby Boy and then he was asleep in bed and I was still watching the movie. I get so sidetracked at night when the kids are in bed. Hello? All day long I think about exercising or motivating myself to write more or to run to Kohl's to get the baby pj's (4 months old and he is already in sz 12 months). I have so many things that I could do for me, and yet, I will end up on the couch eating a pint of ice cream, feeling like a bloated cow, going to bed, and then waking up at 5:30 am still feeling like a bloated cow.

Motivating myself right now is not my strong suit and the chocolate cake I made earlier today is calling my name. So I will now head upstairs and answer the call, along with a big glass of milk and maybe think about what I won't eat tomorrow.

(Nanny holding JR in 06/06)

I think that I don't spend enough time being thankful for the people in my life. So many people that mean so much and probably don't even know how they have impacted my life.

Today I will start with my Grandmother, Nanny Adams.

She is thoughtful and kind and never really has anything bad to say about anyone. However, if something doesn't seem "right" to her, she will say it in such a sweet way, you wouldn't notice anything negative about her words. I am lucky to have her pray for me. I am lucky to have her goodness to look up to as an example. Nanny sends me copies of articles that she thinks would interest me. She sends me emails all the time just to tell me she is thinking of me and the kids. She is my biggest fan. She recently sent my 22 month old daughter a picture of her statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary ( of whom my Sarah is obsessed, that fact we all think is a little weird, but there are crazier things for a toddler to obsess about ). The photo of the BVM is right there in her room next to Dora for us to kiss each night at bedtime.
Thank you Nanny for being you and for always being there for me.
I Love You...

(I can't leave out Big Baby Boy today, so here is my little fat drooly man)

Yesterday as I was sparking up the grill for dinner, I noticed my darling daughter playing with her baby doll and bottle. Since we had packed her own bottles away the other day and sent them off, she seems to spend a little more time making sure her baby gets fed. Anyway, I was watching her walk back and forth on the back deck and then finally realized what she was doing. (My husband had left the kegerator out back from the Christening party we had last weekend.) She was walking up to it, holding up her dear little bottle in her dear little hand and saying "More please". Hello?? More please? I found it hysterical, especially since she did it nearly 30 times, walking back to the doll, across the deck and feeding her, then coming back for more. Her father was very proud.

Weighing in at 1#& pounds, the enormous, but ever so beautiful mother of two.......

Ok, reality check. Mine was the photos of Baby Boy's Christening. I know I am about 20 lbs more than my normal weight and about 40 lbs more than my desired weight, but pictures really tell a thousand pounds, uh words.

I convinced hubby to stop at Cold Stone for my Chocolate Devotion ice cream on his way home from practice tonight. This way, I can start my diet again tomorrow. Yes, again. I don't know what is wrong with me lately. The babies actually nap at 11 am, yes, both of them, and what did I do today? Sat on the couch, barrel of pretzels in my lap and watched The View. I am quite sure the view of me sitting there was not pretty. I was not hungry. I just sat and ate aimlessly. Sat while I could have done anything productive, even a nap would have been more in tune to what I needed at that moment.

Well, as dear old Scarlett O'Hara once said "Tomorrow is another day".
Another day to eat pretzels? Sure, just not the whole barrel...(again)

Just some things that the people I love would be better off knowing about me right now:
(especially dear husband who is way too busy during this holy football season to read)

1) I NEED 8 hours of sleep each night ( that would be uninterrupted, once awakened in the middle of the night, the counter must be reset).

2) I do care who wins Big Brother All Stars.

3) Once I put the kids to bed I NEED to be alone, for my own sanity and that of my family, and for the stability of my marriage.

4) I REALLY do want to eat right and exercise, but once I start losing weight I will have nothing to bitch about.

5) It doesn't bother me at all that my 4 month old son will not take a bottle and during a growth spurt wants to be nursed every hour, that is my job and I like it.

Well, yesterday was Big Baby Boy's Christening Day and Mother Nature was good to us (as usual.) The house no longer smells like fried chicken and the floor has been vacuumed. Now I can start the big attic cleanup that hubby is bugging me to do. It's only been a few year's and we have already accumulated so much junk! (yeah, I know all the seasoned mommy's out there are laughing, it's not like 20 or 30 years yet) Still, 5 years of piling stuff on stuff will be a torment to go through, especially since I like to keep everything, just in case.....

I have so many projects that I would like to get done, or even started. I took the curtains down in my bedroom 2 years ago, to make and put up new ones, still not even started. I've actually begun to like the newer shades only look. I have pictures to scrapbook and gifts to wrap. Yes, I did start my Christmas shopping and if little Sarah ever looks under my bed, the sea of Dora and Elmo will all end up in her room and the early shopping was done for nothing! Oh, and I also have some picture frames that need pictures, we actually hung them already, they just don't have pics of my family, it is of the nice family that came with them.

So, being as I have so much to do, and should be doing yoga right now, and the kids are both in bed, I am sitting here on the computer typing aimlessly. Allright, time for an Oreo and milk.
Later......