Everytime we have a party here at the house I get so stressed the day before with cooking and cleaning and last minute details, and now I have 2 small children to contend with. I don't think that the hubby really gets it sometimes. My mind is usually on complete overload, but, I can quiet down some of the noise in there to maintain a healthy appearance. But a day like today, when I have so much thinking to do, it's just too much. Is there enough chili? Did I buy enough cold cuts? Did I clean the toilets? Can people see the dust-bunnies up there? Make sure the dishwasher is empty, make sure there are enough kitchen towels, Did I buy wine? What types should I get? Is there enough chili? Is this bread ok for everyone? Did I sweep off the front porch? Did the potato salad come out ok? Did I scrape the Play-Doh off the kitchen table, floor, and anywhere else it may have stuck to? IS THERE ENOUGH CHILI??? Really, this is just the beginning. (This is on top of the diapers, nursing, baby food, ,toddler-who-won't eat, and everything else).
Now, as I get ready for bed, I am trying to quiet down those damn voices in my head, but I just keep going over and over and over the same stupid things - YES, I think there may be enough chili.
Why do we stress? Why do I worry that the Mom-In-Law will see the dust-bunnies or the dirty dishes in dishwasher or the laundry in fold-me-purgatory? Why is it so important that I do everything and not let anyone help me? Why do I get annoyed when people try to help me - put dishes away or offer to bring something? WHY WHY WHY? Does it make me less of a woman to take help? Do I look weak? Will they revoke my Happy Housewives Association membership?
What the hell??????
I know that tomorrow, once our family starts to arrive and I smile and greet everyone I love, all of these evil crazy thoughts will be dust in the wind, but for now, as I try to lay my head down on the pillow, they will threaten my sleep and wound my insecurity for the next 7 hours.
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