I took the babies to the boardwalk today to take a nice little stroll and enjoy the sun before it got too hot out. Sarah wanted to walk, and even though I knew better, I let the little girl out. She started out allright, but then decided she wanted to go on her own, to where, I have no idea. As usual I started to get upset and then, my fat little man started crying because he does not like the summer heat.
I reasoned with her at first: " Come help Mommy push JR", "ooh, Mommy needs help". Yeah, that worked a whole 2 minutes. Then I realized I was starting to get angry. Angry at a 21 month old little girl. Angry because things weren't going my way. Angry because I wasn't getting what I wanted. (starting to sound alot like a 21 month old, huh?)
I stopped and thought for a minute, I mean, what was I in a hurry to do? No other plans for the day. I always try to schedule everything to have the "perfect" day. I want to look to everyone to be the "perfect" mother. In reality, the mother who is there for her kids would let her be her own person and explore the world and all its wonders, not try to conform her kids to her own schedule, which by the way, is all the unimportant, boring and not so major things to do such as cleaning and making dinner.
I want my babies to look back on their childhood and remember a Mom who smiled and looked happy to see them. A mom that enjoyed them and all the time she was blessed to get with them. I don't want them to feel like they were a bother because I looked harried and busy and always screamed "WHAT", as if I was in the middle of something more important than them.
There is nothing more important than them.
The plan is, there is no plan. A walk at the beach is great, but I cannot have it set in my head of how long or how far. A normal day should be anything but normal. Let's see where the wind takes us and what fun we can have.
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