unexpected joy

If I learned to stop and listen I would hear what I was covering up. All the nonsense in my head, the "what ifs" and the "I shoulds", and there is always the second guessing myself and not entirely trusting my own instincts. In the quiet I would find that I am truly happy. These kids bring me a joy I never knew possible. Even when Sarah is applying Hubby's deodorant to her lips as lipstick, or when she rolls over and tells me I have stinky morning breath. When I remember to, I see how slowly time can move when you are putting together a puzzle or kicking a ball around outside. I remember how great it feels to just swing really high or put silly words together. I try not to spend so much time thinking about how much time I wasted in my younger days by worrying about the silly things, like what label or size was on my jeans, and just focus on what values I want my children to hold. How to teach them to reach for the stars and actually get there. Maybe they'll take their crazy Momma with them... Or perhaps, I will get there myself.