self doubt

That old friend Self-Doubt came knocking on the door yesterday. Of course, I answered. I should know to just give him a swift kick out of the neighborhood, but, being the kind hostess, I let him for an unwelcome visit. You see, I have been studying to get certified as a personal trainer. I have ideas, dreams of where I would like to go with this. Moms, families, kids, keeping healthy, fit, active. I figured I need to start following my passions, rather than just what I already "know". Well, I read a reply to a post on a mom website that I have been frequenting, and I just crashed down on myself. A wonderfully talented woman, trainer, who owns her own business(much like I would like to someday), replied to a post of mine. I read her website and was instantly moved back to the feeling of a 15 year old left out of the "in" crowd. Masters Degree, various certifications, background as a trainer to college teams. I find myself wondering "Can I do this??" Is passion enough? I have yet to go to college. I was a beautician. I worked in for an Insurance Agency. I had jobs that I just did. Not passionately. Not for pleasure, but to get the bills paid. Now, being home with my children, I can take the time to find what gets me going.

So with that, I have pushed my old friend S.D. out the door, with a note to not come back. I need to follow my heart and my heart says to stick with what I am doing. My heart also says, perhaps, that this person has come into my life maybe as a reinforcement. As someone who may have the same interests and can help along the way, not hinder as I originally let my esteem see it.