Mommy delusions

I called my mommy up tonight on the verge of tears because basically, I am the mother of a two year old. A two year old girl who really believes she is about thirteen years old. I don't get it. We don't spank her, yet she hits me. I cannot get her to eat anything anymore except apples and cereal. The only way I can get her to brush her teeth is if I do it for her while singing her a song. I don't like the way this anger feels. I didn't expect this when I signed on to be a mommy. Isn't there supposed to be joy and laughter and love all the time? By her bedtime I am so frazzled I wonder if she senses it? My saving grace this week has been that hubby has been home on vacation (well, pretty much working more from home, but here). I feel like I just cannot give her what she needs sometimes. She really has alot of energy (as do all two year olds) and I sometimes wonder if I am doing right by her (giving her enough attention, stimulation). Does she feel less loved since her little brother arrived into this world?

I think I just need some sleep.

Peace out.

Hopes for the near and dear future

Ah, Christmas has come and gone and the New Year is closing in fast. My hopes for the upcoming days are these:

That the crazy bitches in the mall and/or supermarket parking lots will no longer almost run me and my kiddies down because they are obviously not capable of driving and talking on the phone at the same time.

That I will get back on track with working out.

That I will stop yelling at my little 2 year old so much and use my "inside voice" more often.

That I will stop taking everything so damn personally and just understand that when hubby says "This could use some more gravy" he is not saying "This food sucks, why can't you cook like my mother, I cannot eat this, the house is a mess, the car smells, why can't you do anything right?" He is really just saying "This could use some more gravy".

Costco for the holidays

Today I had the absentminded idea of "running" into Costco with the kids. It was 10:30am so I figured it would not be so bad. Apparently they must of opened early because it was quite difficult to find a parking spot. As I proceeded to bundle my little joyous duo into the cart I felt a twinge of "maybe this is not a good idea", but chose to ignore it. Into the store we went because I really wanted to get my little girl the cute little set I had seen a week earlier with a play ironing board, broom, dustpan, etc. (No, I am not the strong willed feminist career minded woman, I am the SAHM who happens to love being home and being supported by and with my hubby). Anyhoo they didn't have what I needed (yes Mom I know, I should have let you pick it up for me the other day), my ginormous cart had a broken wheel that steered only to the right, and they had not tissue paper left (not toilet tissue, but gift bag-box tissue paper). So here I am with a box of baby wipes ready to go.

I did stop and look at the pillows and two really nice women told me how they loved the memory foam-contoured pillows that I was looking at. Ya see, hubby and I have both been waking up with terrible neck pain and certainly not feeling refreshed from an evenings snooze so I thought maybe new pillows is what we needed. A new mattress is most definately not in the budget right now. So with two raving reviews I picked up my pillows and headed for the register.

Here I am 10:15pm, ready for a good nights sleep on what feels to me like the world's hardest pillow and I suppose I will stuff my gift bags and boxes with Kirkland brand babywipes. (they are hypoallergenic)

December Days

Christmas shopping, baking treats, (and throwing some out that I messed up), cleaning house, taking care of babes, make dinner, laundry, cleaning up kitchen (I must do this at least 8 times a day!), wrap gifts, phone calls, mail out of town gifts, send cards, remember December birthdays, exercise, try to eat right, scrapbook, read, walk, shower, shave legs (once in a while), I need a haircut, write, dream, spend 5 minutes with hubby, talk to my Mom, visit Pop who just had a triple bypass (very successful and recovering super well), nap, learn to sew, finish gifts that I am making, iron clothes, try to not judge other peoples marriages-or spending habits-or anything thing else that will add clutter to my brain and negative thoughts in my soul.

The list goes on and on and this is just me, a simple stay at home mom.

I give great credit to all of you Moms that work-how do you do it all???

Challenge

When I moved into the house years ago and lived in loving sin with my now hubby, I, of course, took over the damn place with a woman's touch. Some flowers here, some books there. Knicknacks and little statue things that hubby just will never understand. But he was very firm about one thing, the picture in the living room. This photo which belongs on an office wall. It has annoyed me since day one, but pretty much everything else is "my design" (except for the extremely large television set) and the photo. It's colors, not so bad, I am into green. It blends. However, it just makes me feel as if it should be stretched out on a wall behind an executive desk. No, it hangs over our pack n' play. It is manly and not my "thang".

Now, today, as I glanced around the room, wondering what I could do to dress it up a bit, I realized why I do not like this picture. Challenge. That's what it says. Challenge. Something I have never really done for myself. My goals are always meak and easily attainable. This is why the fabric still lays on the couch downstairs where I should be making some curtains for my bedroom. The truth is, I cannot sew. Not really. I know this will be a difficult task because frankly, I will make mistakes and have to tear out seams and be frustrated. So, I choose to avoid it. I don't want to deal with the anger, impatience and utterly stupid and failing feeling that will consume me. I am not up for the Challenge. I always stick to what I know. Digital pics, scrapbooking, baking. I know these things. It's time to start adding to my list. I am bored. I actually see potential for more design in the house and need to learn to sew because a stay at home momma simply doesn't have the big old wallet to finance all the pretty things I want. The Challenge is here. I could simply use the holidays for an excuse. Or the lack of time with my new found fitness regimen. I don't feel well, my head aches, the babes need me. I can always find an excuse. Or I can step up to the Challenge.

Some funny little words heard 'round the house this week :


"Oh Momma, dis awinge is feet and juicy" (This orange is sweet and juicy)

"Momma wack Ant Katy's eye bwow" (Momma wax Aunt Katy's eyebrows)

"Kurt has a fat peeta, Sarah has a nuny" (Kurt has a penis, Sarah has a nuny)

"Santa bwing Sarah a pink otar" (Santa is gonna bring Sarah a pink guitar)
-which by the way, she feels the entire family must have one, Momma will get a "bwown" one, Daddy a "bllack" and JR, he gets a "puwpool". I suppose we shall travel and sing and be merry with our "otars".

"Momma, want more "hot bunz" ceweal" (Momma I would like some more of your Special K cereal, oh yeah, please, by the way)

and my personal favorite:

" I wuv u Mommy!"- no translation needed....

Once again I wandered the isles at the craft store and could just spend such happy times there. The ideas are flowing and I think everyone on my holiday shopping list is going to get a homemade project with......my kids photos on them!! (totally kidding!) No, seriously though, between scrapbooking and other little thingys going on my head I am most definately motivated to get some work done!

I still have a few more things to get, mostly giftcards now. I would really like to be finished by this weekend so I can wrap and bake and not have any "gift shopping" on my mind.



Future Artist:

Future Football Star:

Wanting to be "fair"

I really enjoy the Christmas Season. I LOVE the shopping and taking the time to find the perfect gift. My problem always come with the monetary amount. Most of the time, like with nieces and nephews, I have a $30 limit per person. But let's say I find the perfect sweater for Niece #1 and it's on sale for $20. I then feel as if I have to spend another $10 on Niece #1 to be fair. Or with gift cards. Sometimes they come in an amount such as $25 and $50. Nothing in between. I always just want to be fair. Why can't I just buy the sweater on sale and be happy I saved money and she gets a cute sweater??? Maybe because I am the oldest child of 6. I don't know. I feel like I am being "cheap" if I stick with the less expensive gift.

Anyone else feel this way?

Searching For Traditions

With all the holiday buzz about town, I am coming to see how I as the Mama must "create" the traditions for our new little family. I see people running wild in the toy store, upset because the "it" toy is out of stock. What's the big deal about this toy? I asked myself. Basically, between television commercials and companies not sending enough product to the retailers, the "it" toy is created. We, the public, are told what is cool, what to buy, what our children want. I'm sorry, my children are 2yrs and 7 months, what do they know? They know what I teach them.

What I would like to teach them is how there is more to giving than receiving. That there are people out there that don't have half of the things we have. That the "spirit" of the season can be carried around all year long. But how? How do I do this? What can I do to impart this on our holiday? Don't get me wrong. I am really enjoying the shopping and looking forward to my little cuties faces on Christmas morning, but how do I make it to be more to them than "what I want, what I get?"

Any ideas??

Holiday Photo Shoot

Today, "Casa de G" held it's annual holiday photo shoot. This year was a bit more difficult as there are now two small children to contend with. It was fun and I got at least 1 pic with both cuties looking at the camera at the same time. I got so many good ones of each individually though. I actually had the fleeting thought of sending out 2 separate cards. (Hubby would have loved that!)


Here are some fun pics from todays challenge:

I have been thinking lately about how self conscious I am and how it has really held me back from so much. I don't write as much as I would like for "fear" of what other people would think. As if my friends or family would disown me for my twisted thoughts - then again....
Or even when I was small, I never pushed to do anything, not even the things I felt passionate about. I just kept it inside so nobody would know. Money was an issue for my family, and being the eldest of 6 children I always felt it my responsibility to "step down" to make things easier. I have always felt myself to be an intuitive person and really try to go with it now. Trust my gut, go with my first instinct.

Having children has really changed so much inside me because now I feel it so important that I be that strong passionate person. A good role model. A loving mother. That means the simplest things now. To spend some time scrapbooking. To push myself to sew those stupid curtains I have been putting off forever (of course out of fear that I don't know what I am doing). To stop sabatoging my diet. To allow myself to be me. To not feel guilty when I need a Mommy-Alone-Moment. To not feel like I am failing because there is dust in the house or piles of laundry. To do these things because I cannot teach it if I cannot do it.

How do toddlers think?

My little girl, 2 years old and now looking more "girl" than "baby"


but it really makes me wonder what is going through her mind when I fall upon this sight in her room:




"Sarah, what are they doing?"
"Oh, brova and sita are hanging out"
"ok"

and this one:





"Sarah, what is the family doing on Daddy's chair?"
"They eatin"
"ok"


like, duh Mom!

I wandered through the aisles of the craft store tonight feeling energized. I remembered how much I enjoy scrapbooking. I got so many ideas just looking at those cute little holiday stickers. I usually just keep going and get what I "need". But this time was different. I stuck with a little project in my head and bought what I needed. Now, just to follow through....