are you there god? it's me, momma

Dear God;

I do have a few questions I would like answered and faith isn't really gonna cut it right now. For instance, when I do lose my patience (daily) and get snippy with my almost 3 yr old daughter, am I screwing her up for life and teaching her the way of anger? And is cursing, like the F-Word and shit and stuff, is that really a sin? Because technically it is not taking the Lord's name in vain, so I wondering if I am losing points in that department as well. Is it a bad lie when that same toddler hears the rustle of a cookie package (with dairy so she cannot eat it due to food allergy) and I tell her it is nothing? (as I stuff my face....) Oh, and by the way, I haven't been over to visit in a while, and frankly, I couldn't handle myself or my little darlings in Shoprite today, so I'm feeling that your house is out of the question for the time being (even if it is not a sin, I just might start yelling out those F-Words). Who is Time-Out for really? Because somedays I would like to be sent to my room for about 3 hours.

I guess my big question is if I just let it all go and surrender my yearning for control, will it be ok?

really, you can answer at anytime (preferably quite soon)

Thanks
Talk to ya soon.

delusional momma

hold on

I see your energy. The possibilities in front of you are endless. I see your yearning to jump out, past the rocks, into the bright unknown. For now, my job is to let you learn your own beauty, your strength. Someday, my sweet girl, I will let you go past the railing, the rocks, the boundaries, and allow you to find your own place. I promise you nothing but laughter and love. You teach me patience and unconditional love. Your curiosity and wonderment are where I would like to be again.

baby steps

I find that most of my own tantrums stem from my impatience and that fact that I sometimes forget that little Sarah is only 2 1/2. I will stand at the sink doing dishes and say something like " Ok Sarah, let's start cleaning up your toys " or " come on, let's (fill in the blank) " All the while I continue to do whatever it was I was doing, expecting her to just jump up and do as I command. Being in the moment is really much harder than I ever expected it to be. Stopping myself and taking in each little minute. Realizing that if I cannot control myself sometimes, it certainly must be harder for someone at the tender age of 2.

Patience, doing unto others as I would have to me, self-love - these are all the things I myself struggle with daily, and now I find more motivation to work on it so that I can truly show these to my children. One day at a time? I think One Moment at A Time, for now at least.

funtime

It was a beautiful day at the park. I just had a great work-out at the gym, the kids thoroughly enjoying the kid's room there. I had packed a lunch and we went over to the park to play for a while. Around 11am Jr was getting cranky and we started in on the yogurt, pretzels and bananas. Crankiness turned to screaming and off we went for naptime at home.

The drive home was, well, interesting. All of a sudden my sweet little girl turned into a screaming, kicking animal who uttered noises I didn't know were heard any other place than the zoo. The screaming continued for an hour. Yes, an hour. 60 minutes of pure fun. I first tried to reason, then started to get louder with my own voice, turned into a full on scream, then yes, I smacked her leg and hurt my hand on the carseat. While home I finally just let her scream it off in her room. When the beast, I mean, Sarah, finally fell asleep I had to creep in and gently kiss her on the wet, teary cheek. My sweet little girl, who I both love and battle daily.

hail to the blanky!

It is wonderful when your sweet baby has a comfy little toy that soothes his every little tear. So great when that magical little something just does it for him. Not so wonderful, however, when that soft little cuddly goes missing. A crying child who has trouble taking a nap. A scream so terrible you would think that his own Momma went missing.

I don't know where it went, that precious little bear, but above you will see the replacement, close enough to the original that JR only threw it back at us once before cuddling up and cooing. He ran his chubby little fingers along the ruffle, a new addition, and didn't bat an eye. After scouring the supermarket parking lot and the stranded shopping carts and calling the courtesy counter several hundred time, we opted for a replacement. Thank you Kohls for having one left.

WTF????

Since we took Sarah off all dairy I thought we were ok. The past few mornings she has been vomitting each day. I don't understand. Could she possibly have a sensitivity to soy as well? That is the only thing that has increased in her diet. I have not given her the Zyrtec or Nasonex nose spray for a few days because I have to follow up at a lab with a blood test. The doctor wants to check her allergy level to the milk in her blood and she cannot have any antihistamines in her system for a few days. It is definately mucus (sorry, TMI). I just want my daughter to have a healthy start. I want to figure out why this is happening now. I guess I will go to the bookstore today and look for some more "dairy free" cookbooks, as well as online info. Maybe there is something I am doing wrong.

summer saturday

This morning we got up and at 'em early: a nice walk for Momma at 6:45am (hubby did a good job with his selection on the MP3 player, I ran most of the way!!) Then at 8am we went over to the other side of town to visit some friends who were having a yard sale. My friend L is wonderful and tried so passionately to dump, I mean lovingly give, unused toys and such to my wonderful little babies. We ended up leaving with a book, 2 small toys for the baby, a pair of Spiderman sandals (for the baby as well) and a very loud Sesame Street saxaphone that apparantly does not have an off switch - thanks a bunch L!!!

I was inspired however to perhaps throw my own little yard sale soon. We have so many baby clothes and things packed in all kinds of corners in the house, old kitchen gadgets, blankets, movies. Every few months when the kids outgrow things I am simply squooshing large and tightly packed garbage bags on top of one another. I had thought about Ebay, but to get a postage scale and sort everything out would be such a pain in the neck. I do have two small children I am supposed to be spending time with. So I guess I will see if hubby will be around next week to help me with an all out, sell-my-junkfest.

milk does not do all bodies good

Recently Sarah was diagnosed with a Milk/Dairy Allergy. It was something I had suspected all along, but it has been confirmed and now we need to go completely dairy free for her diet. She had been drinking soy milk and eating soy yogurt. Now, we need to eliminate everything that has anything dairy in it. For anyone who knows, this is a alot of things. Her health, of course, is the most important thing to us and anything we can do to make it better for her is our priority. As I learn more about this and try to change some of the foods we even bring in the house it is quite enlightening to see all the things I had been giving her that did include these things. So for her, this means I need to make sure to bring allowed treats with me at all times, no ice cream (except for soy) and no cakes or cookies or snacks unless I know for sure that it is ok.

I have to admit, I had done alot of reading on food allergies and hyperactivity and there were studies done that showed that a majority of the children tested had dramatic changes in hyperactive and attention deficit behaviors when the allergic food was removed from their diet. But alas, it seems that my child is just a 2 1/2 year old that did not comply with that theory. So I will also learn to embrace her independance and encourage her curiosity, even when I am aggravated and try to get her to listen to simple requests such as "come here" or "stop". Life sure is interesting with a toddler (well, actually two of them...)