secrets of the universe

Yesterday as the kids were napping I indulged in renting myself a movie and eating an entire sleeve of yummy Ritz crackers. As "The Secret" was coming to an end ( ok, not really, there was about 25 minutes left) Sarah woke up and wanted some attention.

Didn't this child know I was into something important here?
Did she not realize that I was learning the secrets of happiness and bliss straight from the universe?
Could she not hold off her screaming until I was done with what I wanted to do?

of course not.

And so my negative energy gave in and an arguement ensued. Me, the adult. Her, the 2 1/2 yr old child. Even today I found myself perhaps nitpicking and having a somewhat negative tone with her. This is my baby, my daughter who I would give my own life for, for whom I painfully pushed from my body and couldn't let go of in the hospital lest I miss a second of her sweet breath. How could this have happened? I really don't get it sometimes. The funny thing is it always seems to happen when Momma's not getting her way. I think I might need a time out.

papa's new ride

this is what happens when ya leave the baby with hubby and the new truck...

and for those people who want to call Child Protective Services or something, the bottle is empty and yeah, we thought it was funny.



and here is little girl checking out the sunroof...

are you there god? it's me, momma

Dear God;

I do have a few questions I would like answered and faith isn't really gonna cut it right now. For instance, when I do lose my patience (daily) and get snippy with my almost 3 yr old daughter, am I screwing her up for life and teaching her the way of anger? And is cursing, like the F-Word and shit and stuff, is that really a sin? Because technically it is not taking the Lord's name in vain, so I wondering if I am losing points in that department as well. Is it a bad lie when that same toddler hears the rustle of a cookie package (with dairy so she cannot eat it due to food allergy) and I tell her it is nothing? (as I stuff my face....) Oh, and by the way, I haven't been over to visit in a while, and frankly, I couldn't handle myself or my little darlings in Shoprite today, so I'm feeling that your house is out of the question for the time being (even if it is not a sin, I just might start yelling out those F-Words). Who is Time-Out for really? Because somedays I would like to be sent to my room for about 3 hours.

I guess my big question is if I just let it all go and surrender my yearning for control, will it be ok?

really, you can answer at anytime (preferably quite soon)

Thanks
Talk to ya soon.

delusional momma

hold on

I see your energy. The possibilities in front of you are endless. I see your yearning to jump out, past the rocks, into the bright unknown. For now, my job is to let you learn your own beauty, your strength. Someday, my sweet girl, I will let you go past the railing, the rocks, the boundaries, and allow you to find your own place. I promise you nothing but laughter and love. You teach me patience and unconditional love. Your curiosity and wonderment are where I would like to be again.

baby steps

I find that most of my own tantrums stem from my impatience and that fact that I sometimes forget that little Sarah is only 2 1/2. I will stand at the sink doing dishes and say something like " Ok Sarah, let's start cleaning up your toys " or " come on, let's (fill in the blank) " All the while I continue to do whatever it was I was doing, expecting her to just jump up and do as I command. Being in the moment is really much harder than I ever expected it to be. Stopping myself and taking in each little minute. Realizing that if I cannot control myself sometimes, it certainly must be harder for someone at the tender age of 2.

Patience, doing unto others as I would have to me, self-love - these are all the things I myself struggle with daily, and now I find more motivation to work on it so that I can truly show these to my children. One day at a time? I think One Moment at A Time, for now at least.

funtime

It was a beautiful day at the park. I just had a great work-out at the gym, the kids thoroughly enjoying the kid's room there. I had packed a lunch and we went over to the park to play for a while. Around 11am Jr was getting cranky and we started in on the yogurt, pretzels and bananas. Crankiness turned to screaming and off we went for naptime at home.

The drive home was, well, interesting. All of a sudden my sweet little girl turned into a screaming, kicking animal who uttered noises I didn't know were heard any other place than the zoo. The screaming continued for an hour. Yes, an hour. 60 minutes of pure fun. I first tried to reason, then started to get louder with my own voice, turned into a full on scream, then yes, I smacked her leg and hurt my hand on the carseat. While home I finally just let her scream it off in her room. When the beast, I mean, Sarah, finally fell asleep I had to creep in and gently kiss her on the wet, teary cheek. My sweet little girl, who I both love and battle daily.

hail to the blanky!

It is wonderful when your sweet baby has a comfy little toy that soothes his every little tear. So great when that magical little something just does it for him. Not so wonderful, however, when that soft little cuddly goes missing. A crying child who has trouble taking a nap. A scream so terrible you would think that his own Momma went missing.

I don't know where it went, that precious little bear, but above you will see the replacement, close enough to the original that JR only threw it back at us once before cuddling up and cooing. He ran his chubby little fingers along the ruffle, a new addition, and didn't bat an eye. After scouring the supermarket parking lot and the stranded shopping carts and calling the courtesy counter several hundred time, we opted for a replacement. Thank you Kohls for having one left.

WTF????

Since we took Sarah off all dairy I thought we were ok. The past few mornings she has been vomitting each day. I don't understand. Could she possibly have a sensitivity to soy as well? That is the only thing that has increased in her diet. I have not given her the Zyrtec or Nasonex nose spray for a few days because I have to follow up at a lab with a blood test. The doctor wants to check her allergy level to the milk in her blood and she cannot have any antihistamines in her system for a few days. It is definately mucus (sorry, TMI). I just want my daughter to have a healthy start. I want to figure out why this is happening now. I guess I will go to the bookstore today and look for some more "dairy free" cookbooks, as well as online info. Maybe there is something I am doing wrong.

summer saturday

This morning we got up and at 'em early: a nice walk for Momma at 6:45am (hubby did a good job with his selection on the MP3 player, I ran most of the way!!) Then at 8am we went over to the other side of town to visit some friends who were having a yard sale. My friend L is wonderful and tried so passionately to dump, I mean lovingly give, unused toys and such to my wonderful little babies. We ended up leaving with a book, 2 small toys for the baby, a pair of Spiderman sandals (for the baby as well) and a very loud Sesame Street saxaphone that apparantly does not have an off switch - thanks a bunch L!!!

I was inspired however to perhaps throw my own little yard sale soon. We have so many baby clothes and things packed in all kinds of corners in the house, old kitchen gadgets, blankets, movies. Every few months when the kids outgrow things I am simply squooshing large and tightly packed garbage bags on top of one another. I had thought about Ebay, but to get a postage scale and sort everything out would be such a pain in the neck. I do have two small children I am supposed to be spending time with. So I guess I will see if hubby will be around next week to help me with an all out, sell-my-junkfest.

milk does not do all bodies good

Recently Sarah was diagnosed with a Milk/Dairy Allergy. It was something I had suspected all along, but it has been confirmed and now we need to go completely dairy free for her diet. She had been drinking soy milk and eating soy yogurt. Now, we need to eliminate everything that has anything dairy in it. For anyone who knows, this is a alot of things. Her health, of course, is the most important thing to us and anything we can do to make it better for her is our priority. As I learn more about this and try to change some of the foods we even bring in the house it is quite enlightening to see all the things I had been giving her that did include these things. So for her, this means I need to make sure to bring allowed treats with me at all times, no ice cream (except for soy) and no cakes or cookies or snacks unless I know for sure that it is ok.

I have to admit, I had done alot of reading on food allergies and hyperactivity and there were studies done that showed that a majority of the children tested had dramatic changes in hyperactive and attention deficit behaviors when the allergic food was removed from their diet. But alas, it seems that my child is just a 2 1/2 year old that did not comply with that theory. So I will also learn to embrace her independance and encourage her curiosity, even when I am aggravated and try to get her to listen to simple requests such as "come here" or "stop". Life sure is interesting with a toddler (well, actually two of them...)

catching up

This past week Sarah got her first pair of ballet shoes. It was very exciting for her and she wears them all the time when we are home. All the time. It is so inspiring to watch someone with pure passion just enjoy what she is doing. I know that I get so caught up with things that I forget to just enjoy the moment.

As a parent I certainly did my share of learning lessons this past week also, for instance:

• The phrase "Don't cry over spilled milk" was not meant for the child, but for the over-the-edge-parent.


• Spaghetti is much easier to vacuum up after it has crusted up and dried to the floor, rather then while still sticky and fresh.


• Tantrums are contagious, for all involved.


• It is ok for Momma to work out or nap or whatever by herself, it makes for a much better home.

take the wheel

For so long now I have let my children set the mood of the day. If Sarah is tired and cranky, I end up cranky and yelling. If JR is squirmy and not his usual happy self at that same time, well, Momma just tends to throw in the towel. Cook me, I'm done. I realize that my reaction to this wee toddler is what sets the tone, not her oh-so-normal outbursts of unrestraint and spitfire energy.

I am the adult.
Me, I am the one in charge, not her.


Yeah, easy to think of after the fact, but when at the public pool and the baby is tired but fighting sleep and Sarah is also too tired to even think of controlling herself I tend to lose it. Here I was, two tired kids, only 1 hour into the thing and I was already packing it up. In the moment, I knew that it was better to just get them home then to fight with her. Once we got to the potty, did our business, went to the car where I changed the baby and was on our way I was assured from the kick to the back of my seat that I had made the right decision. We made it through the drive-through at Mickey D's and before I knew it they were both asleep. Quiet.

Yes, I can turn off those drasted Wiggles...
sorry guys.

I made it home and ate my salad with the kids sound asleep in the car (parked nicely in the garage within earshot) and that was a good salad. Maybe because I actually ate it while the chicken was still warm, or maybe because I got to eat slowly and enjoy every little bite. Either way, I guess there are times when you just know that it is better judgement and not throwing in the towel to make a quick getaway and who knows, you may even get to eat your lunch in peace.

Now I just hope that our new friend who is now pregnant with her second child doesn't get scared away from the craziness that can be a playdate with us.

blooming

Recently we had lost my Grandpa. As the summer sun has set it sights on warming us all over, it also has blossomed the beautiful sunflowers that he loved so much. My Nanny, the children's GG (great-grandma) was so proud to show off her wonderful blooms today. She has found her own little patch of sunshine, a smiling village right in her backyard. Pop loved those sunflowers, she said. They actually grew where she had a big bowl of birdseed and the birds seem to pick out what they want and throw the sunflower seed into the earth below, perhaps to enjoy the golden yellow stalks too, who knows really. Anyway, as they all face the sun, as sunflowers do, Nanny pointed out that one did not. This one simply stared at the house, somehow giving us comfort with it's raggedy top and content face. I know that Pop is watching out for her, watching over the house, watching where we gather as a family to love, to mourn, to sit in silence. He is there in that wrong way sunflower, he is there in his chair and at his desk. The one thing that saddens me is that although I can make sure that my children know him by face, in photo, they will never really know him like I did. My job is to take those things about him that I cherish and pass them down, to connect those most important people in my life.

the fruits of our labor

Sarah was so excited to find a red tomato on her little patio plant this weekend. She has told me that she will eat it, however, this is a child that will not eat pizza because of the red and who eats spaghetti with butter and cheese because she doesn't like the sauce, so we shall see.

The weekend weather was absolutely beautiful and we enjoyed a barbeque for a friend's son on Saturday and a show on Sunday(sans kids), with dinner outside at the Irish pub we like to go to afterward. Momma had two very large, delicious, cold beers and was a wee little buzzed on the way home.

We woke up today to sound of the summer rain on the roof, so we will probably just do our Costco shopping, which the list is quite large this week. It usually takes me all day just to put everything away after getting everything that we need there - in fact, hubby would chime in that I usually leave some stuff right outside on the garage floor since I know I will need it anyway.

so here's to shopping and finding very large bottles of apple juice and crates of diapers.....

dream it

Right this moment I looked over at my little girl to catch a glimpse of what she was doing : dressed up in a very large, baby blue colored princess dress she is swinging a Dora baseball bat yelling home run. Then, as she runs, she tries to fix her little orange plastic pumps and prances around the bases. That is what I want for her, to have all she needs. The fun, the pride, to not worry about what others "might" think or say of her. I want her to dream big and live bigger. I want her to trust her gut and do the right thing. To help people and be compassionate. To work out because it is good for her body, not to get to the perfect weight. To eat healthy because it feels good, not to deprive herself or try to attain am image we are "told" is the standard.

hey, wait, am I talking about me or my little girl?

snapshot sunday

I really need to try harder to see the world as my little girl does. Nothing is as important as that cup of cold juice and watching "Little Bear" on tv. Bugs and anything moving around outside is "coool Momma" and splashing around in the pool is the best part of the day. Yesterday we spotted quite a few butterflies in the backyard while we were outside painting, so we decided to go "hunting" for some pics.

teach me some more little girl, show me where my patience lies.......

temper, temper

I was recently watching a new mother walking the neighborhood, pushing along her little darling. How quiet, how peaceful. I remember when Sarah was younger and everyone would comment on what a good baby she was, how I will never get another child that well behaved. We would go to friend's houses and everyone was shocked at how nice she sat in the stroller without fussing for longer periods of time. Or how she was sweet and noticeably smart she was. I was the proud Momma of a good baby. I was appalled at the mothers who seemed to have no control of their children, whose kids threw embarrassing tantrums, right there in front of everyone!

Fast forward to my sweet little girl at the age of 2 1/2.
Tantrums, fights, even trying to make a deal here and there: "Momma, how 'bout only 2 minutes in time out, ok?"

Last night we tried for a short walk around the block after dinner. This ended with me and hubby passing her back and forth, football style, after she threw herself on the ground kicking and screaming. Then she pulled my hair and injured my breast. So the three minute walk ended with a time out and some chocolate. (the chocolate of course being for me)

snapshot sunday

this pic is back from March/07 and my little girl already is looking older, but, still my baby....

oddities

Things heard 'round the house this past week:

• "Sarah, we do not touch anyone's penis, ever" (bathtub incident)
• "Yes little man, I know you have feewings" (as she tried to comfort her brother, not about the penis thing....)
• "Mommy, I need to go in the pool and earn my wrinkles" (about her cute little fingers)
• "Oh my God! Oh my God! He is in tr-o-u-ble!!! (about her little brother knocking her castle over)

snapshot sunday

where did all the chocolate ice cream go?

now, could someone please come and clean this kid up?