skiing - NOT!

A few years back, before I was a momma, or Hubby's wife even, hubby and I went skiing. Well, he went skiiing. My B-I-L aka- "Tree Man", and Hubby tried desperately to teach me. I put on my boots, complained I couldn't walk. All I kept thinking about was that the ski pants made my ass look HUGE. I put on the skis and ventured onto the ski lift, which I was terrified of as I am afraid of heights. I cannot even step onto a chair without feeling a little queasy. So I get on the ski lift and cry the whole time up the little bunny slope. I fell off at the top. Yeah. Mind you in PA at the time it was like 50 degrees and I think it was more slush than snow on the mountain. Tree Man and Hubby try to teach me. I am stubborn and just yell out "I caaann'ttt do it!", several annoying times. Tree Man gets behind me and really tries his best and in his most patient and fatherly like voice teaches me over and over again. I squat and sit on the ground, I'm not budging, this is stupid, I can't do it. I rip off the skis and walk down the side of the hill. I went for a nice long walk around the resort and then ended up at the bar where I had a great time. The point of the story is that I am stubborn and that you cannot get me to do something that I don't want to do.

Fast forward to 2009, my beautiful Sarah is 4 years old. What does she do when she is told to clean her room or pick up a few things by herself? "I caaannn'ttt do it!!!" is the chorus I hear ringing from her room. "I'm not moving, I'll sit here all day! I don't care!" Forgetting about my own little attitude problem I constantly wonder aloud - where did this child come from? what is her deal? I sit and laugh and see that she is me. She is smart and stubborn. Creative, but wants things done her way. In her own time.

Now I just wonder when I will be able to get Hubby and Tree Man to take her skiing so I can get some time alone at the bar...

get the puke bucket...

aah. 4:30am. Awake and very bushy tailed my little girl was ready to play. A little too ready.
Fast forward to 6am, some soy milk. Her regular fave. She hands back the cup, only half empty and asks for her dolly and Dora, and then to be covered up with a blanket on the couch.

holy shit I tell hubby. She's sick.
5 minutes later. Puke, puke all over the couch. The seat that hubby favors. He cleaned it up like a champ and promised to steam clean it tonight. He knows what I could possibly be in for today, as he leaves with a small dab of worry on his face. (but I am sure happy to be leaving the House of Throw Up Horrors.)


more details to come.

breaks my little heart

On monday I ended up taking JR to the dr because he was having trouble breathing. Two breathing treatments later and we are on our way to the hospital. (freaking out!!!) A few more breathing treatments, a chest x-ray and we were released with a script for antibiotics (ear infection), some sort of steroid for his lungs, and an order to do more breathing treatments at home (with the nebulizer the dr's office gave us earlier).

Skip to late yesterday afternoon when I notice JR is not walking but crawling and dragging his self around by his arms. I try to get him to step on his feet, but he keeps staying off the left one. (freaking again, I am thinking brain tumor, deadly medication side effect....). Once hubby was home we called the dr who said this was not a side effect to any of the meds he was on and he must of hurt himself, he suggests no er since I was coming to see him for a follow up today anyway. So I called the in-laws who were already on the way over because I called them in a state of panic earlier, to tell them to turn around and head back home. (what did people do before cell phones??)

After the drama and a good cry I remembered he did fall earlier in the day, right before his nap. It never struck me as anything really since the kids are always wrestling and falling and bumping into things. So today the dr sent us for another x-ray, after he checked that his lungs were clear and the ear infection beginning to heal.

We just got the phone call a few minutes ago to say that the x-ray was negative and there was no break or crack or anything (thank goodness!) So, per the dr, JR will probably be limping around for a few days until it starts to feel better.

oh, the drama !

I did notice something interesting about kids when we were waiting at the imaging center to get his x-rays done. Here is a little man, in pain, and yet not one complaint. He simply dragged himself, crawled, or scooted to where he wanted to be, and believe me, he was ALL over that waiting room. It's too bad that some adults cannot follow suit and just deal sometime.

howling halloween

what do you meeaan no more candy???




pleeeeze, no more pictures!!

Our Halloween evening began when Hubby came home, pizza in hand, ready for dinner. As I turned around to get the kids to the table, I noticed what looked like mud on the floor and then on Sarah's mouth. Hubby comes home after going over to the high school where he volunteers coaching the football team, so I knew it was either mud or goose poop. Praying it was just mud, I turned to Sarah and asked her what she ate, when she realized it was not chocolate, she immediately started spitting and wiping off her tongue. I once again had to explain to my little girl not to ever eat anything off the ground, especially if it is brown.

After that, the evening went smooth, it's really easy with small kids because you really only have to trick-or-treat to a few neighbors houses and they are happy. As for this morning, both kids woke up wanting to wear their costumes again, probably hoping for some more treats.

sell it to me baby

I have been concerned lately about how the commercials on tv seem to affecting my little Sarah. At almost 3 years old she is already saying "Oh Mommy, I need that" or "Let's buy that toy". She even repeats things that some some of the non-toy commercials say. For instance, there is one about debt consolidation, or something like that, and it starts with "Mya is not happy." Sarah walks around telling everyone how sad Mya is, while the person looks at me confused - Who the hell is Mya??

Yesterday, I grabbed the good old Dustbuster to clean up a baking soda spill on the floor, when my sweet little girl looked up at me and said "Mommy, you sure need the Swivel Sweeper !"

I think I seriously need to think about cutting down the tube time. But, I think she is right about the Swivel Sweeper.

delusions

delusional momma:

I turned and handed Sarah her dolly. We were all ready to leave the gym and I saw another mommy coming in to the childcare room with her baby in a stroller, probably about 4 months old or so (the baby). I kneeled down, balancing the diaper bag on my right shoulder and picked up JR with the same arm. As I went to stand up I heard "PLLEEAZZE don't touch the baby" (in not so much of a nurturing voice if you were to ask me). I turned to see my 3 yr old playing peek a boo, very close to the baby. Now, I am all for keeping distance and stuff, but what does other mommy really think happens when she leaves the room? That all the other toddlers and babies and small children simply don't go near or touch the child? This must be her first. Does she know what kids put in their mouths or what they will eat if given the chance? Even, I'm sure, her precious little one.

Anyway, I was a bit embarrassed, simply because I'm quite sure this woman thought I was a ding-bat and not paying any attention to my own child. "I'm so sorry" I mumbled (twice I think) and explained to Sarah that you really never touch a baby unless asking the mommy first. "I's just playing Momma" "I know honey" I think I whispered another "sorry" on the way out the door and away we went.


other mommy:

Ok, I really hate when other dirty little kids get too close to baby. Germs are spread so easy this time of year. I've seen this little girl here before. Her little brother drives the employees crazy with his running around and touching everything. I know my baby will behave when she's that age. It's all in the parenting. I mean, she wasn't even paying attention when her little girl came marching over and poking my little one. What goes on in their house, I wonder?

take me, I'm yours

The social mingling aspect of stay-at-home-momdom seems to be more of who I might like than the kids. I mean, if I cannot relate to the other mom, how can it possibly work? What about the mom's I have "fallen for", then get no call back? total mom rejection. I feel like I should put an ad in the paper : Married SAHM of 2 toddlers, looking for someone to take long walks with the stroller, possibly drink a glass of two of wine some afternoons, not feel guilty when bitching about kids, and my own personal cheerleader.

any takers?

On that note, little JR starts a playgroup over at the library today. I thought maybe he should play with some other kids, rather than his sister just beating him up and taking his toys. I guess I'll just let someone else's kid do that. I am also secretly hoping that I look across the room and find another momma who needs a friend.

thank you Jenny

I actually got to find some time lately to read a great book. Louder Than Words is written by Jenny McCarthy and is about her journey with her son through the fog of autism. As a mother of young children this has been something that always bothered me, the fact that this is getting worse for our children, the fact that it seems that no one seems to be doing anything about it.

In taking us on her journey, I was reminded of a few things myself. Faith in a higher power, trusting your gut, and finding purpose through what others might find only sorrow. A few days before I began reading the book, I realized how my negative thoughts were sometimes wrecking my day. So, in the mornings I have been making a conscious effort to sit and be thankful for all that is around me. There are some people I know who will think this is kooky, but let them suffer in their own misery. I have found more beauty in my babies and have seen my husband playing and spending more time with them. Is this because he is, or, am I just not focusing on "what he's not doing"? Whatever it is, I find myself being more joyful and smiling alot more through the day and 2-year old tantrums.

secrets of the universe

Yesterday as the kids were napping I indulged in renting myself a movie and eating an entire sleeve of yummy Ritz crackers. As "The Secret" was coming to an end ( ok, not really, there was about 25 minutes left) Sarah woke up and wanted some attention.

Didn't this child know I was into something important here?
Did she not realize that I was learning the secrets of happiness and bliss straight from the universe?
Could she not hold off her screaming until I was done with what I wanted to do?

of course not.

And so my negative energy gave in and an arguement ensued. Me, the adult. Her, the 2 1/2 yr old child. Even today I found myself perhaps nitpicking and having a somewhat negative tone with her. This is my baby, my daughter who I would give my own life for, for whom I painfully pushed from my body and couldn't let go of in the hospital lest I miss a second of her sweet breath. How could this have happened? I really don't get it sometimes. The funny thing is it always seems to happen when Momma's not getting her way. I think I might need a time out.

are you there god? it's me, momma

Dear God;

I do have a few questions I would like answered and faith isn't really gonna cut it right now. For instance, when I do lose my patience (daily) and get snippy with my almost 3 yr old daughter, am I screwing her up for life and teaching her the way of anger? And is cursing, like the F-Word and shit and stuff, is that really a sin? Because technically it is not taking the Lord's name in vain, so I wondering if I am losing points in that department as well. Is it a bad lie when that same toddler hears the rustle of a cookie package (with dairy so she cannot eat it due to food allergy) and I tell her it is nothing? (as I stuff my face....) Oh, and by the way, I haven't been over to visit in a while, and frankly, I couldn't handle myself or my little darlings in Shoprite today, so I'm feeling that your house is out of the question for the time being (even if it is not a sin, I just might start yelling out those F-Words). Who is Time-Out for really? Because somedays I would like to be sent to my room for about 3 hours.

I guess my big question is if I just let it all go and surrender my yearning for control, will it be ok?

really, you can answer at anytime (preferably quite soon)

Thanks
Talk to ya soon.

delusional momma

hold on

I see your energy. The possibilities in front of you are endless. I see your yearning to jump out, past the rocks, into the bright unknown. For now, my job is to let you learn your own beauty, your strength. Someday, my sweet girl, I will let you go past the railing, the rocks, the boundaries, and allow you to find your own place. I promise you nothing but laughter and love. You teach me patience and unconditional love. Your curiosity and wonderment are where I would like to be again.

baby steps

I find that most of my own tantrums stem from my impatience and that fact that I sometimes forget that little Sarah is only 2 1/2. I will stand at the sink doing dishes and say something like " Ok Sarah, let's start cleaning up your toys " or " come on, let's (fill in the blank) " All the while I continue to do whatever it was I was doing, expecting her to just jump up and do as I command. Being in the moment is really much harder than I ever expected it to be. Stopping myself and taking in each little minute. Realizing that if I cannot control myself sometimes, it certainly must be harder for someone at the tender age of 2.

Patience, doing unto others as I would have to me, self-love - these are all the things I myself struggle with daily, and now I find more motivation to work on it so that I can truly show these to my children. One day at a time? I think One Moment at A Time, for now at least.

funtime

It was a beautiful day at the park. I just had a great work-out at the gym, the kids thoroughly enjoying the kid's room there. I had packed a lunch and we went over to the park to play for a while. Around 11am Jr was getting cranky and we started in on the yogurt, pretzels and bananas. Crankiness turned to screaming and off we went for naptime at home.

The drive home was, well, interesting. All of a sudden my sweet little girl turned into a screaming, kicking animal who uttered noises I didn't know were heard any other place than the zoo. The screaming continued for an hour. Yes, an hour. 60 minutes of pure fun. I first tried to reason, then started to get louder with my own voice, turned into a full on scream, then yes, I smacked her leg and hurt my hand on the carseat. While home I finally just let her scream it off in her room. When the beast, I mean, Sarah, finally fell asleep I had to creep in and gently kiss her on the wet, teary cheek. My sweet little girl, who I both love and battle daily.

milk does not do all bodies good

Recently Sarah was diagnosed with a Milk/Dairy Allergy. It was something I had suspected all along, but it has been confirmed and now we need to go completely dairy free for her diet. She had been drinking soy milk and eating soy yogurt. Now, we need to eliminate everything that has anything dairy in it. For anyone who knows, this is a alot of things. Her health, of course, is the most important thing to us and anything we can do to make it better for her is our priority. As I learn more about this and try to change some of the foods we even bring in the house it is quite enlightening to see all the things I had been giving her that did include these things. So for her, this means I need to make sure to bring allowed treats with me at all times, no ice cream (except for soy) and no cakes or cookies or snacks unless I know for sure that it is ok.

I have to admit, I had done alot of reading on food allergies and hyperactivity and there were studies done that showed that a majority of the children tested had dramatic changes in hyperactive and attention deficit behaviors when the allergic food was removed from their diet. But alas, it seems that my child is just a 2 1/2 year old that did not comply with that theory. So I will also learn to embrace her independance and encourage her curiosity, even when I am aggravated and try to get her to listen to simple requests such as "come here" or "stop". Life sure is interesting with a toddler (well, actually two of them...)

temper, temper

I was recently watching a new mother walking the neighborhood, pushing along her little darling. How quiet, how peaceful. I remember when Sarah was younger and everyone would comment on what a good baby she was, how I will never get another child that well behaved. We would go to friend's houses and everyone was shocked at how nice she sat in the stroller without fussing for longer periods of time. Or how she was sweet and noticeably smart she was. I was the proud Momma of a good baby. I was appalled at the mothers who seemed to have no control of their children, whose kids threw embarrassing tantrums, right there in front of everyone!

Fast forward to my sweet little girl at the age of 2 1/2.
Tantrums, fights, even trying to make a deal here and there: "Momma, how 'bout only 2 minutes in time out, ok?"

Last night we tried for a short walk around the block after dinner. This ended with me and hubby passing her back and forth, football style, after she threw herself on the ground kicking and screaming. Then she pulled my hair and injured my breast. So the three minute walk ended with a time out and some chocolate. (the chocolate of course being for me)

oddities

Things heard 'round the house this past week:

• "Sarah, we do not touch anyone's penis, ever" (bathtub incident)
• "Yes little man, I know you have feewings" (as she tried to comfort her brother, not about the penis thing....)
• "Mommy, I need to go in the pool and earn my wrinkles" (about her cute little fingers)
• "Oh my God! Oh my God! He is in tr-o-u-ble!!! (about her little brother knocking her castle over)

aaarrrggghhh! the mommy monster

So far this morning I have Googled "patience", "parenting", "patience in parenting","patience with toddler" and "how to not run out of the house screaming like a lunatic". I still have no answers. I have about 10 minutes of sanity right now as JR is napping and Sarah is watching a show. wait, here she comes.....

Allright. So, we woke up at 5 am, breakfast, walked, did pilates and fought. The entire walk all my darling daughter did was bitch. I didn't think that this would begin for another, say, 11 years?? She kicked her brother, drew on her entire body with a very bright blue crayon and hit me.

I am tired and sick of feeling like I suck at this. We are supposed to have lunch with my 2 friends today, but honestly, I cannot leave this house feeling like I want to pop my little ones head off. How can I sit in a restaurant with my little monster? I really have no appetite. I look around and see Mother's who are so good at this. Doesn't anyone else get mad? Are there any other Mommy's out there who just get fed up? I love being home but I wonder sometimes if it would be better for my babies if I worked outside the home? I have not located the patience or skills yet to raise a toddler. Time-Outs only work sometimes. Then we end up smacking her on the butt for hitting her brother? It doesn't make sense to me, how the hell is going to teach a young child the correct behavior?

I know that tomorrow is another day and today's rush of evil emotions will pass, but, well, now I have screaming toddler on my keyboard and have to finish that thought later..km,agjakgjl;

code word - get the heck out of here

I have found that with a toddler, things can get ugly pretty fast. Hubby and I have been leaving get-togethers and such early due to toddler tantrums and our inability to deal. She gets out of control, we snap at each other, an arguement ensues. I know in my heart that we are not the only people who have ever dealt with this situation, but when I look around sometimes, it just seems like all the other moms around me have their shit together. They don't seem to lose it at the drop of a dime, they don't yell at mediocre things.

So, I have come up with the idea that we need a code word for that special time of 2 1/2 year old chaos. Once one of us utters the "word" then we just pack the bags and go, no fights. So, what should that "word" be?

love thursday

ya just have to stop and smell the flowers once in a while Momma.........

Crappy Mom

Hello! I believe we have met before. I am Crappy Mom. I yelled and cursed already this morning at my 2 year old. And, oh yes, she has now taken to repeating the word "stupid" about everything because I was having a fit this morning while trying to snap them into my new double jogging stroller. The straps are completely, well, stupid. So now, everything she sees and does today is, well, stupid.

After cursing out my new little beauty, I grabbed the cell phone (because God forbid we walk around unplugged for 30 minutes!) and was on my way. The "stupid" straps along their shoulders allow my wiggly wonder to unharness herself. I saw her leaning all the way over and pulled myself over to the curb (because God forbid this town actually have any sidewalks anywhere) and proceeded to yell and try to fit her back in. I am quite sure the people who lived at that house were glad to hear my melodious screams at 8:30am. Anyway, I was annoyed at her kicking me and yelling "no, stupid Momma" that I gave her a little swat on the ass. As I did this, a van with two older gentlemen stopped right in front of us. I wasn't sure if it was the childbeating they thought they were witnessing, or the fact that their van, another car going in the opposite direction, and my big ole double wide did not fit in the road all at the same time. I venture to think they saw me bending over and thought "Lo-o-rdy, what in the hell....?" But whatever. So now, these two old men think I am a childbeater and everymorning when I walk and yell, they will see me and say "There's that there childbeater"(or the woman with the really large ass).

We all arrived home safe and sound to have a small snack and settle my little man into his morning nap. I took Sarah outside to do some gardening. Well, not really gardening, we rolled out these little seed rolls and poured some water on them. My little angel walked through the mud, onto my neatly folded up towel (for me to kneel on) and trampled over the actual real flowers I had planted last week. Her big Dora doll was dragged through the dirt and then I couldn't hear enough about how I needed to clean her, "No Momma, right nooowww!!!"
My dear neighbors probably heard me yell "no" more times than they would have cared to.

Ps- I am still waiting for that patience that I ordered to arrive. Can someone please track that package for me?