I really don't like to go so long without blogging. Lately, though, I don't even make it into the basement, which is where the computer is. Yes, we have a laptop also, but if I bring that out the kids think it's time to play, so it's one of those moments where you just have to choose if it's worth the fight.

The kids made it through their illnesses. Sarah, however, seems to have that "asthma cough", so I am taking her to our allergist tomorrow to see what he thinks. I am really obsessed with reading about natural health, and I truly believe that your body is so capable of healing so many things on it's own. But, then when it comes to my child and her life, I just don't know what is right sometimes. Everytime my kids get sick they get a nasty post-nasal drip. It seems like the pediatrician (everyone in the practice), looks in their throats and says "Ah, sinus infection, need antibiotics." Or, they peer into their little ears, which by the way they have expressed no pain or problem with and they say "Oh, red, they have an infection, need antibiotics." I am not a doctor, but I just feel like they have been on medicine an awful lot in their toddler lives. Do I look for a doctor that might see things a little more like me, or, do I trust that the pediatricians know what they are doing? It is frightening because I certainly wouldn't want to leave my children untreated if they truly needed the extra boost, but what about the damage that all those antibiotics do to them? I already give my kids a tsp of flax oil and a probiotic powder in their juice each morning. I know it helps their immune system each day.

I am reading some books now on children and holistic health, and some of it I can take with me, but some of it is not even gonna happen in this house. One doctor suggests that children should be eating liver. Liver. Not here. I have a child who is allergic to milk and one who is allergic to peanuts. Peanut allergy boy will eat mostly anything, but veggies are a problem with both. Milk allergy girl is picky, and sometimes when you make what she does like, she still won't eat. Carrot sticks, rarely. Celery, sometimes, but I have to cut off the strings. No potatoes, broccoli or peas. Corn, maybe, depends on their moods. Oh, and they both drink soy milk, which one of the books goes on talking about soy and how horrible it is for your child and that you should never, ever let them have it.

how do you know if your doing it right?

3 infected ears
2 sinus infections
2 asthmatic toddlers
puking
fevers
aches and pains

The past week has not been fun and frankly, I need some drunken, wild night momma time. That's not gonna happen anytime soon, so I will take an hour or two at the gym working my legs until I can no longer walk up a flight of stairs. Yeah, that does actually sound good to me.

I apologize to everyone I have had to cancel plans with due to our poor little sick ones, and I'm also sorry to D who had to hear my darling little Sarah puking while I talked to her on the phone.
Thanks ever so much to my Mom and Mom-In-Law who helped out so valiently and braved the sickly germs here in our household.

Now, no one is allowed to fall ill for at least 6 months. Momma's new rule.

sick baby on isle 1

The baby has been fighting a fever for two days and this morning I knew it was time to call the Dr. They took us in right away and confirmed my suspisions of an ear infection. He had alot of post nasal drip, so she drew up a script that would help in the event of a sinus infection. Now, I am not normally thrilled with pumping my little children full of antibiotics, but he is so miserable, I trust that the Dr. is doing the right thing. Also, the fact that I do give my children probiotics each morning does reassure me.

So, an hour later we ran out to pick up the meds from Walgreens and I thought "let me just run to Aldi to get bananas and animal crackers." Basically two things he loves and that I could get with the $4 I had on me. I drive to the store and think to myself that he looks tired, but this will only take 10 minutes. I put the baby in the cart and Sarah holds my hand to run inside. As we walked in the door, little JR starts to cough, and cough and cough, then puke up all the stuff that had dripped into his little tummy. yuck, I know. I open the diaper bag - one baby wipe left. I mumble some sort of bad word to myself and try to clean him up with the one wipe and the dirty Dunkin Donuts napkins that Sarah threw in my bag yesterday. Now I realize I must get out of the store, but to get out I have to walk all the way around to the EXIT door. I mumble again.

Back to the car, kids in the carseats, strip the baby down a little to get the bulk of vomit off his skin. Now the lady in the car next to me wants to talk. Do I really look like I want to converse at this moment? Not really.

Driving home Sarah, who left the store with no arguement, wants to know if we can go back in since JR stopped throwing up and she really wants animal crackers. I tell her no and we are on our way home, to stay. We got every red light in town and my precious 3 year old daughter had every question in the book. Someone honks a horn really loudly next to me, they were being cut off by someone else (I sware it was not Me!) I snapped and started doing the "Jersey driver cursing song"(basically me, yelling and pointing saying very naughty words). Then after I stopped my screaming rampage my sweet little angel girl says "Mommy, which one is your f*&king ear?"

The left one baby, the left one.

Mother Nature is a B*&ch!!

Yes I feel a little bitter today. The day began with an awesome snowfall and some fun in the snow. Hubby and I brought the kids out early because in our area, near the shore, the weather tends to turn from snow to rain very quickly. We had loads of fun and the kids are both sleeply deeply for naptime as I type.

As for this little storm, I do have a bone to pick with you Ms. Mother Nature: Do you know how long it has been since I have had a drink and dinner and seem my friends sans childrens? Do you know that we planned this little outing over a month ago, only for you to screw it up for me tonight? No, I don't like to drive in ICE or any other element falling from the sky. I would like to have a drink or two. I NEED to get out! Do you not get it?

So listen up chicky! Next Friday - no snow, no ice, just pleasant weather and no suprises!

Thanks!

I would, however, like to thank you for the smile on my babies faces this morning. They don't mind the cold, or the wet, and they just did what kids do - had fun!

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's SUPERbaby!

It is always the simplest things that bring out the most laughter around here. Last night the kids used some small blankets as capes and we(all of us) had so much fun! Flying superheroes, or whatever the little guy thought he was, he just got a kick out it! He tried to tell us how much fun, but his words just weren't working. The look on his face and the laughter coming out of him told us all we needed to know. In fact, first thing this morning, as I lifted him out of the crib, he struggled to get out of my arms and ran over to the blanket he had been using the night before as his "cape". He ran back to me with a smile and a quick yell of something and I knew he just wanted that "superhero" feeling again.

I have to admit the best feeling about our fun last night is that it brought back such great memories of running around and saving the universe with my own brothers and sister! Feeling like a kid again is certainly the sweetest ending to a great day!

find your adventure

One warm wonderful day last week I took the kids over to the beach. We collected lots of shells (which by the way are still in my car), and danced in the sunshine. It felt so good to see them run free on the sand, no one else in sight. It was pretty windy that day, so I had to keep turning their little bodies to face downwind when the sand began to kick up, but it only added more excitement as the soft sand joined in our dance.

Where is my adventure today? I woke up not feeling well and I stole into the shower as soon as the little ones went in for a nap. That was my quiet time.
I want to see that wonder in their eyes, just like the day at the beach. I want to discover something new.

Maybe I'll get those sandy old shells out of the car and we can have our own beach adventure in the house. They could clean them off in the bathtub (water, always a big hit). They could paint them, or I could just dig out some stickers and crayons. The possibilities are endless.....

Where is your adventure today?

good enough

Balancing it all really is hard. I never really understood until I had kids, and even then, when they were newborn it was easy. If I spend the time I want to playing and teaching and doing the "Mom" thing, the laundry falls behind. If I spend the time cleaning up the kitchen, the toys in the living slowly take over. The dining room has become a holding cell for pretty much anything, my scrapbooking, crafts, and toys that get taken away from the kids. Forget the wife part. I get aggravated that at 8pm I am so tired. Last night I actually went to bed with my clothes on instead of throwing on some pj's.

I make time to go to the gym, then try hard not to eat an entire box of Ritz crackers when I finally get a second to myself. I make sure I put some make-up on in the morning, brush my hair and try to look presentable, if not just for myself. How do you not worry about the dust bunnies that inevitably show up no matter what? How do you not take it personally when hubby notices the mess on the dining room table, or the lagging laundry pile? Everyone I know seems to have the same things, I know that no one is perfect, but some people sure seem to have their shit together.

For now, my kids are pretty clean (most of the time) and we have fun. That's just got to be good enough.

between friends

Today as I was flipping through the newspaper I saw a familiar name where you don't want to see it - in the obituaries. She was a wonderfully nice woman. I used to do her hair when I worked in the hair salon years ago. She was also the mother-in-law to a friend I lost touch with long ago.

It wasn't anyone's fault I suppose. Nor did some outrageous thing happen that turned us away from one another. It was just life. It was slow and sometimes quietly obvious as missed phone calls just never got returned. Or, as I lived alone in my own single apartment, she moved on to marry and start in with the babies. Then there was the phone call to tell me she was pregnant for the second time. When I realized she was 6 months along at the time of the call, I knew something had changed between us. That closeness, that quick to call when something bad, great or indifferent had happened. Alot of things went unsaid. I felt angry about a few things. There had been an expressed dislike of the fact I had broken up with a longtime boyfriend of the time. I felt left behind when she favored other girlfriends who seemed to have more time for her.

There are moments you think about that crap over a glass of wine and think that life goes on and you're ok without those long lost friends. Then there are the times, like this morning, when you realize that other people who had a special seat in your heart at one time or another, are hurting. Perhaps my heart is still raw from losing my Pop this summer, or maybe I did yearn to just hug my friend. I thought about it all morning and then I called. Of course it took her a stunned few seconds for her to get a grip of who I was, then there was an awkard silence. I expressed my condolences. I told her I felt so badly it took a death for me to call. I told her I just really wanted her to know how much I wished I could hug her and her family and let them know I truly, truly cared. We both had a shakiness in our voices and although I know why she could have been on the verge of tears with her close loss, my tears were for something else. Lost love, I guess. The memories of how close we used to be, and how far we are now. I'm not sure, but I am glad I trusted my instincts and called, instead of mulling over it for a week. We both expressed our I Love Yous and promised to call. I guess we'll see how it turns out.

no pop for you

Yesterday actually turned out pretty good considering it began with toddler puke on the couch. She was sick all morning, then just a fever and sounding a bit congested in her head. I am hoping that the tummy thing was just because the fever started so fast, but we made sure to take the opportunity to tell her it was because she stole someone's lollipop the day before.
Yep. I was in the very crowded waiting room of the pediatrician on Monday, late afternoon, for something else. As the kids were playing, which grosses me out, all the germs on the toys and stuff, I heard this little voice say "oh, a lollipop", I turned and it was like slow motion. I jumped up and saw my precious little girl steal the pop out of another toddler hand and yeah, she stuck it her mouth. My first thought is "eeww!" Then I'm watching this kid like a hawk for signs of anything that looks like illness. Flesh eating bacteria, stomach flu... why is that child here? Should I ask his mom? We did chat a little when her younger child kept trying to steal my diaper bag. After reprimanding Sarah, she then asked if she could just have her own lollipop. "No dear." was all I could muster.

So of course, after she threw up yesterday, we made sure she understood about germs and other people's food, and so on. Yeah, so this morning I found her eating something, she said it was cereal, off the floor. Eeww.

get the puke bucket...

aah. 4:30am. Awake and very bushy tailed my little girl was ready to play. A little too ready.
Fast forward to 6am, some soy milk. Her regular fave. She hands back the cup, only half empty and asks for her dolly and Dora, and then to be covered up with a blanket on the couch.

holy shit I tell hubby. She's sick.
5 minutes later. Puke, puke all over the couch. The seat that hubby favors. He cleaned it up like a champ and promised to steam clean it tonight. He knows what I could possibly be in for today, as he leaves with a small dab of worry on his face. (but I am sure happy to be leaving the House of Throw Up Horrors.)


more details to come.

inspire me momma

inspire me momma
do not direct every scene
let me fall and find my way back up
see me jump sometimes into the unknown

inspire me momma
do not always yell first
look first
take it in and then decide
how to react, or not

inpsire me momma
be the best
so that I can look at you
and want that for myself

updates for the new yr

Packing up the tree. Cleaning up the house. Trying to be a good enough parent. These things can take up some time. Being good and faithfully going to the gym. The work out is great, but I really think that the time alone keeps me sane. I even had to buy some time at night to right in my own little private journal, so as not to scare anyone online with my deepest, darkest thoughts. Perhaps, that is why I have stayed away for too long. I think I was afraid to vomit out all of my feelings in one post.

So, Sarah loves,loves,loves the movie Mary Poppins right now, so, we watch it every day. Every day. JR loves the Bob the Builder, so we watch it every day too. He is starting to say more words lately, thankfully. Last week at his well visit (he's 20 months old now), the Dr. expressed concern that he was not speaking much more than "Ma" and "D"(for Daddy). It was not two days later when he started talking and babbling nonsense, and I sware he said "strawberry" when I made pancakes and cut up the fruit in front of him that morning. No worries with him on that I guess.

The kids are napping and I am going to take advantage of the few sacred minutes I have to read up on some of my fav blogs and have a HOT cup of coffee.

happiest new year to all!

wishing you inspiration and love for the new year ( and many, many smiles! )

not for the squeamish....

Christmas is over and we can finally rest. The week before the holiday a stomach bug decided to enter our home and cause all kinds of havoc. First the baby, then momma, then Sarah and hubby. The last two decidedly were the sickest of all and it has taken what feels like endless hours to fully air out and disinfect the house. This was our first time dealing with something like this and I am still amazed at 1) how much puke such a little person can produce and 2) how long it can take some kids to actually kick the bug.

Sarah began last Friday nite and was still not fully herself today. In fact, after several vomit-free days, we went for a ride in the car to get the kids some food, and lo-and-behold she threw up in the car, all over the car. When we got home she begged for the chicken nuggets and fries we had just bought, and I gave in, thinking she would probably puke it up anyway, but that it would feel better than those dry heaves she had been having for days. Well, what do you know, the kid was bouncing around, smiling (which she really hasn't been doing lately, even with Santa's delivery!) and laughing! So thank you McD's for the smiles and for filling my hungry little girls oh-so-empty belly!

New Homes for the Holidays

Merry Christmas!! From our homes to yours!!

sick sick sick!

Well, the kids are sick again. It's just crazy to me. They are never sick, and now it seems like, just as they are getting rid of a cold, they are starting a new one! Nothing too painful or serious, but enough to keep us home and not going to playdates or the gym (which my fat butt definately needs right now!) The momma-guilt is setting in about not bringing them to the chiropractor anymore (due to finances), perhaps not getting enough "outside" play time (momma don't like the cold) or just doing something wrong somewhere. Another part of my little delusional mind tells me that kids get sick, and they get better. Just deal with it woman.

As for "mommy-time", such as the gym and shopping for Christmas, I need to accept that I need to do it at night after the kids go to bed.

By the way, has anyone tried to order their Christmas cards online??? I am having such a problem with the websites (all of them!) being so slow. So, if I know and love you, don't take it personally if you don't get a shout out for the holidays from our home this year.

you are cordially invited...

I like manuals. I like to read through and know what to do before I do it. I thought parenting would be that easy, but haha on me. So with that, every once in a while you will be invited to a pity party in my honor.

A few weeks ago, JR was wheezing and we ended up in the ER. I was giving him breathing treatments at home and everything was fine. He was feeling better, breathing good, and due to I suppose my own laziness, we stopped the treatments. For my own peace of mind, the prescription does say "As needed for wheezing".

Last night we ate dinner at my parents, who have a dog. Now I always give my son Benadryl before we get there because he breaks out in terrible hives due to dogs. I forgot. Once again, I suck. By dinnertime my little man's poor little face was covered in itchy hives and his left practically swollen shut. He was miserable, I was crying. I am sitting there worrying about what hubby thinks, what my parents think of me, and wondering if I am fit to mother these children.

poor me.
sucky mom.
why is it so easy to make it about "me" at times like this?

This morning he awoke his normal cheerful self, but while he was eating breakfast he started coughing and wheezing. So, once again, I am thinking "I suck, this is all my fault". I gave him a breathing treatment and the wheezing has subsided.

It frustates me that JR was tested for allergies and nothing showed up, but most apparantly he is allergic to dogs and peanuts, at least to what we know so far. It frustrates me that I fall into this "poor me" attitude when my babies need me the most. It frustrates me that I cannot be more like my MIL, who, like Mary Poppins, is "practically perfect in every way". She would have never forget to give her children medicine or breathing treatment. She always know the right thing to do. I wish I could be more like my good friend DT, who let's it all roll off her back and is always telling me to relax. I wish I felt more like an adult, a parent, instead of still a child in a big body.

When do you start to feel like an adult anyway??

wake up call

4 am. My beautiful, soft little boy, rocking gently in my arms. Go to sleep. I close my eyes and pray that he drifts off. He looks up at me and strokes my cheek. Sweet. He grabs hold of the front of my hair, right at the roots, I wonder to myself how I will look with a bald spot. He pulls, I try not to scream. Please don't wake up little girl. I begin to cough, that tickle in your throat, uncontrolable cough that pains your chest and rattles your entire being. Shit. Please don't wake up little girl, I need my sleep. It's in that moment I realize the problem. The problem of always fighting it.

I hear the rumble of little feet sprinting to my bedroom and I know that when she doesn't find me in bed she knows where to look. I take a deep breath, knowing that the day is set to begin for us now, at 4 am. There is nothing I can do about it. Just go with it. I cough. She runs in and smiles "Momma, thew you aw!". I smile, "Good morning little girl!".

She sings her brother our special "good morning song" and our day begins with a smile.

ouch!

This morning I awoke to a screaming baby and the bagged groceries I left on the counter last night. I couldn't get JR back to sleep, so we turned on Sesame Street, which is on at 5am. (thank you Sprout!) I decided momma needed some coffee and found that in my hurry to put away the "cold stuff" last night, I forgot to put away the ice pops and cheese spread. The cheese is hubby's, and frankly, he would not care if there were cracker crumbs or peanut butter left around the rim of any container, he says it is fine, so I put that in the fridge. The ice pops of course, could not be salvaged.

How could I let this happen? you wonder. I know. Well, when I got home from food shopping with Sarah, I found hubby on the couch in pain. He had moved the treadmill up 2 flights of stairs by himself and either cracked a rib or pulled a muscle. So, me in a worried state as momma's do, rushed to get the groceries out of the car. As I grabbed the last few bags in my left hand, I pulled down the tailgate door of the minivan with my right and... WACK! I slammed the door down on my head. I know you are thinking "no she didn't". I am totally here to tell you "YES, I DID!" In a daze I ran into the house screaming "There's a hole in my head!!", while hubby is laughing at me and rolling aorund in pain. what dorks we are.

So here we are, at our quaint little home. Momma with the hole in her forehead (thankfully I can cover it up with some bangs) and hubby with a broken something-or-other in his gut. I am quite unsure at this moment if we are fit to raise 2 children, well, make that 3 if I get my way.

me first!!

I remember a while back there was an episode on Oprah that really got some conversation going for momma's. There were the momma's who put the kids first, then the house, then the hubby, never getting to themselves. Then there were the momma's who said "I come first, then hubby, then the kids." What an uproar the dowdy little never think of themselves momma's had over this way of thinking. At the time I didn't have any children, or, Sarah was an infant so this really didn't resonate with me.

Now I get it. By putting yourself first, you are not being selfish. You are insuring that you will be the best partner and mother you can be. You are setting a good example for your children, especially your daughters. By putting your relationship with your "significant other" in the forefront you are saying "This is important, this is what makes our family work". It doesn't mean you are having wild sex in the living room while the kids run amuck in a sugar induced daze. ( although...) kidding! Your children are better provided for when the relationship between the parents is free of stress and full of love.

I find myself doing more for me and I am better for it. The past two days I have made it a point to have "mommy time" at the gym while hubby stayed home to entertain the kids. I was able then, to be fully present for my family for the remainder of the day, and felt really good about myself as well. The rest of the week we do go to the gym and the kids enjoy the child care room there, however, they have been sick and frankly, when I am working out and I know they are in the next room, out of my sight, it sort of freaks me out that I am not with them.

now, if I could only figure out a way to get someone else to do the cooking...