how about a 27 hour day??

It truly amazes me how the time flies by and I don't really get anything done. I am trying to be more positive and ala The Secret, try to focus on what I do get done, but reality and the tones of negativity set in and I realize that I forgot the laundry in the washer for 2 days and it stinks and that yes, the bathroom floor does need to be vacuumed up at least twice a week no matter how hard I try to tell myself it doesn't. Ok, my kids ears are clean and they don't stink, so I suppose that is a plus. I already told Hubby that we are going to enjoy hot dogs and potato salad for dinner and he didn't seem to put off. He actually likes having hot dogs, me, not so much.

My goal for the rest of the day is to NOT even attempt to open the huge bags of Halloween candy that I bought at Costco this morning. We get literally 5 trick-or-treaters to our house, being on a small dead-end street (how depressing that sounds, a dead-end street!!) Anyway, I always way too much candy, then we (as in Hubby and I) eat it all, then bitch about it. So, whatever is left is going back to the store.

love thursday

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Marching for Boobs

This past Sunday, my Mom, Sarah and I walked in the local Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk. It was a beautiful day and when we completed our walk we felt all good and helpful and stuff.

Here, Sarah stands at the edge of the crowd, itching to run right in, and then, a juicy apple afterward.

sell it to me baby

I have been concerned lately about how the commercials on tv seem to affecting my little Sarah. At almost 3 years old she is already saying "Oh Mommy, I need that" or "Let's buy that toy". She even repeats things that some some of the non-toy commercials say. For instance, there is one about debt consolidation, or something like that, and it starts with "Mya is not happy." Sarah walks around telling everyone how sad Mya is, while the person looks at me confused - Who the hell is Mya??

Yesterday, I grabbed the good old Dustbuster to clean up a baking soda spill on the floor, when my sweet little girl looked up at me and said "Mommy, you sure need the Swivel Sweeper !"

I think I seriously need to think about cutting down the tube time. But, I think she is right about the Swivel Sweeper.

happy morning, no sun yet

My darling little Sarah is a morning person. A true, wake up, ready for the day at 5 am kid. Sucks, right? Ok, I have been used to it, and frankly I am a morning person too, but I like to wake up by myself, not being kicked and pushed and screamed at "Mooommmmaaa, gettt UPP!!" So, I decided to play around with the kids bedtimes, since JR had also been getting up way before the sunrise. I moved his bedtime to 8pm (from 7-7:30) and he seems to enjoy sleeping until 6:30, maybe even 7am if I am lucky (and the little terror girl is semi-quiet). My Sarah though, well last night I put her in around 8:45pm (moved from 8pm). Can you even guess what time she woke up this dark and very early morning?

4:30am.

No joke.

Being that everything I read on parenting is about consistency, I will continue the madness of trying to keep her up a little longer at night in hopes of sleeping in myself an extra half hour or so. I really don't mind getting up early myself, but a little coffee and change of clothes to start my day before the madness would be supremely nice.

just nod if you can hear me...

It has been a few days since Sarah began with her cough-stuffy nose thing, and now the baby has it. A few days stuck in the house will do a number on you. I have not been able to get to the gym, since I don't want to get any of the kids in the childcare there sick, and Sarah did not go to ballet class today. I am itching to get out of the house alone. Hubby had been away this past weekend, so it has literally been all momma, all the time. I need a break, I am actually craving a good workout and a pizza ( in that order of course ).

Being that JR is teething and now has a cold, he wants to held - constantly. As in, I am holding him right now, while trying to type one handed, standing, with the laptop at the kitchen counter. Ah yes, and my little morning person Sarah, has been getting up at 4:45am the past few days. So, if I fall asleep now.......

I seem to be complaining, and I'm not (hubby!!) It's just that I really never thought that this would be so hard some of the time. Tantrums, tired (and that's just me). Sometimes, it's nice to know that someone else understands what it is like to be home with the little ones. Sometimes, it's just nice to bitch.

please do not feed the children

I always thought that when I raised my kids, the meals would be the easy part. I mean, I grew up on artificially colored mac & cheese and lots of pb & j sandwiches, we all grew up just fine. Well, Sarah has the milk/dairy allergy which, all in all is not so bad for the rest of us. I try to cook as dairy free as possible, but she knows that pizza night or other cheesy delights are not for her. She's actually a very picky eater and would never really touch the stuff anyways.

Well, now it seems that my little JR is allergic to peanuts. A few months back we had him tested at the allergist, since he had been breaking out in hives pretty often, and no allergies showed up. In other words, I put my baby through this barbaric skin test on his back and he showed no allergic reactions to any of the common offenders - grass, dogs, peanuts, etc. Yesterday he happened to have a little bit of peanut butter and immediately broke out in hives on his face, head and neck. Rubbing and scratching his little self, I felt so bad for him. The allergist did tell us when he was tested that even though he did not show an allergy during the testing, since he was only 14 months or so at the time, he could still develop an allergy. So now, we'll keep him off peanuts and peanut products.

I guess in the end, we can serve the mac and cheese and pb & j, momma will just have to start making some separate food for everybody (hubby, you eat whatever I make, no complaints.)

delusions

delusional momma:

I turned and handed Sarah her dolly. We were all ready to leave the gym and I saw another mommy coming in to the childcare room with her baby in a stroller, probably about 4 months old or so (the baby). I kneeled down, balancing the diaper bag on my right shoulder and picked up JR with the same arm. As I went to stand up I heard "PLLEEAZZE don't touch the baby" (in not so much of a nurturing voice if you were to ask me). I turned to see my 3 yr old playing peek a boo, very close to the baby. Now, I am all for keeping distance and stuff, but what does other mommy really think happens when she leaves the room? That all the other toddlers and babies and small children simply don't go near or touch the child? This must be her first. Does she know what kids put in their mouths or what they will eat if given the chance? Even, I'm sure, her precious little one.

Anyway, I was a bit embarrassed, simply because I'm quite sure this woman thought I was a ding-bat and not paying any attention to my own child. "I'm so sorry" I mumbled (twice I think) and explained to Sarah that you really never touch a baby unless asking the mommy first. "I's just playing Momma" "I know honey" I think I whispered another "sorry" on the way out the door and away we went.


other mommy:

Ok, I really hate when other dirty little kids get too close to baby. Germs are spread so easy this time of year. I've seen this little girl here before. Her little brother drives the employees crazy with his running around and touching everything. I know my baby will behave when she's that age. It's all in the parenting. I mean, she wasn't even paying attention when her little girl came marching over and poking my little one. What goes on in their house, I wonder?

take me, I'm yours

The social mingling aspect of stay-at-home-momdom seems to be more of who I might like than the kids. I mean, if I cannot relate to the other mom, how can it possibly work? What about the mom's I have "fallen for", then get no call back? total mom rejection. I feel like I should put an ad in the paper : Married SAHM of 2 toddlers, looking for someone to take long walks with the stroller, possibly drink a glass of two of wine some afternoons, not feel guilty when bitching about kids, and my own personal cheerleader.

any takers?

On that note, little JR starts a playgroup over at the library today. I thought maybe he should play with some other kids, rather than his sister just beating him up and taking his toys. I guess I'll just let someone else's kid do that. I am also secretly hoping that I look across the room and find another momma who needs a friend.

happy happy, joy joy

3 things that make me smile:

My babies (of course when everyone is behaving) and hubby (especially when he is being cute and not realizing it)

A good sweaty workout

Eric Clapton's song "Layla" (the original version, thank you)

thank you Jenny

I actually got to find some time lately to read a great book. Louder Than Words is written by Jenny McCarthy and is about her journey with her son through the fog of autism. As a mother of young children this has been something that always bothered me, the fact that this is getting worse for our children, the fact that it seems that no one seems to be doing anything about it.

In taking us on her journey, I was reminded of a few things myself. Faith in a higher power, trusting your gut, and finding purpose through what others might find only sorrow. A few days before I began reading the book, I realized how my negative thoughts were sometimes wrecking my day. So, in the mornings I have been making a conscious effort to sit and be thankful for all that is around me. There are some people I know who will think this is kooky, but let them suffer in their own misery. I have found more beauty in my babies and have seen my husband playing and spending more time with them. Is this because he is, or, am I just not focusing on "what he's not doing"? Whatever it is, I find myself being more joyful and smiling alot more through the day and 2-year old tantrums.

big girl

Back in the old days - March/05


A new bed for a big girl - September/07

A big girl bed! A new bed for the little girl. The toddler bed has been looking a little short for my tall toddler, so we brought down the queen mattress and boxspring from the attic. I really would have liked to buy her a new twin size trundle bed, but, this one was free and sitting in the attic doing nothing. So yesterday we went shopping to good ole Target and Sarah picked out some new sheets for her bed. She was so excited about getting a big girl bed, she even made me show her how to make her bed this morning (wonder how long that will last??)

yes, it has been a while...

When I realized that I haven't posted in a while, I also realized that I haven't been doing much in the "me" department lately. Yes I have been working out, but, due to down time and eating way too many snacks, I have gained 4 pounds. My "attitude" has been a little on the negative side and I seem to be finding only the things I do wrong. So then, when feeling badly, I end up on the couch with a box of whatever snack is available.

So now that my "break" is over, I need to see things again in the "right" light. Off for a good nights sleep to enjoy some more adventures ( and no more cookies! ) for tomorrow.

secrets of the universe

Yesterday as the kids were napping I indulged in renting myself a movie and eating an entire sleeve of yummy Ritz crackers. As "The Secret" was coming to an end ( ok, not really, there was about 25 minutes left) Sarah woke up and wanted some attention.

Didn't this child know I was into something important here?
Did she not realize that I was learning the secrets of happiness and bliss straight from the universe?
Could she not hold off her screaming until I was done with what I wanted to do?

of course not.

And so my negative energy gave in and an arguement ensued. Me, the adult. Her, the 2 1/2 yr old child. Even today I found myself perhaps nitpicking and having a somewhat negative tone with her. This is my baby, my daughter who I would give my own life for, for whom I painfully pushed from my body and couldn't let go of in the hospital lest I miss a second of her sweet breath. How could this have happened? I really don't get it sometimes. The funny thing is it always seems to happen when Momma's not getting her way. I think I might need a time out.

papa's new ride

this is what happens when ya leave the baby with hubby and the new truck...

and for those people who want to call Child Protective Services or something, the bottle is empty and yeah, we thought it was funny.



and here is little girl checking out the sunroof...

are you there god? it's me, momma

Dear God;

I do have a few questions I would like answered and faith isn't really gonna cut it right now. For instance, when I do lose my patience (daily) and get snippy with my almost 3 yr old daughter, am I screwing her up for life and teaching her the way of anger? And is cursing, like the F-Word and shit and stuff, is that really a sin? Because technically it is not taking the Lord's name in vain, so I wondering if I am losing points in that department as well. Is it a bad lie when that same toddler hears the rustle of a cookie package (with dairy so she cannot eat it due to food allergy) and I tell her it is nothing? (as I stuff my face....) Oh, and by the way, I haven't been over to visit in a while, and frankly, I couldn't handle myself or my little darlings in Shoprite today, so I'm feeling that your house is out of the question for the time being (even if it is not a sin, I just might start yelling out those F-Words). Who is Time-Out for really? Because somedays I would like to be sent to my room for about 3 hours.

I guess my big question is if I just let it all go and surrender my yearning for control, will it be ok?

really, you can answer at anytime (preferably quite soon)

Thanks
Talk to ya soon.

delusional momma

hold on

I see your energy. The possibilities in front of you are endless. I see your yearning to jump out, past the rocks, into the bright unknown. For now, my job is to let you learn your own beauty, your strength. Someday, my sweet girl, I will let you go past the railing, the rocks, the boundaries, and allow you to find your own place. I promise you nothing but laughter and love. You teach me patience and unconditional love. Your curiosity and wonderment are where I would like to be again.

baby steps

I find that most of my own tantrums stem from my impatience and that fact that I sometimes forget that little Sarah is only 2 1/2. I will stand at the sink doing dishes and say something like " Ok Sarah, let's start cleaning up your toys " or " come on, let's (fill in the blank) " All the while I continue to do whatever it was I was doing, expecting her to just jump up and do as I command. Being in the moment is really much harder than I ever expected it to be. Stopping myself and taking in each little minute. Realizing that if I cannot control myself sometimes, it certainly must be harder for someone at the tender age of 2.

Patience, doing unto others as I would have to me, self-love - these are all the things I myself struggle with daily, and now I find more motivation to work on it so that I can truly show these to my children. One day at a time? I think One Moment at A Time, for now at least.

funtime

It was a beautiful day at the park. I just had a great work-out at the gym, the kids thoroughly enjoying the kid's room there. I had packed a lunch and we went over to the park to play for a while. Around 11am Jr was getting cranky and we started in on the yogurt, pretzels and bananas. Crankiness turned to screaming and off we went for naptime at home.

The drive home was, well, interesting. All of a sudden my sweet little girl turned into a screaming, kicking animal who uttered noises I didn't know were heard any other place than the zoo. The screaming continued for an hour. Yes, an hour. 60 minutes of pure fun. I first tried to reason, then started to get louder with my own voice, turned into a full on scream, then yes, I smacked her leg and hurt my hand on the carseat. While home I finally just let her scream it off in her room. When the beast, I mean, Sarah, finally fell asleep I had to creep in and gently kiss her on the wet, teary cheek. My sweet little girl, who I both love and battle daily.

hail to the blanky!

It is wonderful when your sweet baby has a comfy little toy that soothes his every little tear. So great when that magical little something just does it for him. Not so wonderful, however, when that soft little cuddly goes missing. A crying child who has trouble taking a nap. A scream so terrible you would think that his own Momma went missing.

I don't know where it went, that precious little bear, but above you will see the replacement, close enough to the original that JR only threw it back at us once before cuddling up and cooing. He ran his chubby little fingers along the ruffle, a new addition, and didn't bat an eye. After scouring the supermarket parking lot and the stranded shopping carts and calling the courtesy counter several hundred time, we opted for a replacement. Thank you Kohls for having one left.