watch

Looking out over the bay. The water, family, the cool breeze. Such an awesome 4th of July for the kids.... they only missed the fireworks. After a long day in the sun they fell asleep and would not wake up!

Right now I'm watching them play "tea party" and it's one of those moments that I just soak in and smile.... giggling, playing nice, JR's little voice, Sarah being the big sis and helping him out.

Sometimes I get so caught up in the daily things, trying to keep peace and order, that I forget to just sit and watch them. The innocence, the imagination, the simple pleasures.

so today, I just sit and watch and learn from them.....

wondering

Both of my grandmother's noted that I hadn't blogged in a while. It's hard to admit, even today, that I have such darn trouble balancing things. I'm home with 2 small kids, what is the problem here? I seem to have trouble not working on trying to sell Avon, even though I thoroughly adore it. I have trouble keeping the house clean, even though we are in the middle of remodeling our master bath and it seems as if various face creams, tampons, and towels have overtaken the rest of the house. I have trouble maintaining a Gluten-Free diet, even though when I eat the G-Stuff (like the brownies I just picked on...) I end up extremely bloated, doubled over sick to my stomach and irritable. I miss my friends, who I don't get to speak to often enough. I love my husband, even though he only hears me sounding irritated and angry when he calls during the work day. I love my kids, even though I probably yell more than I should.

Is it just me? When I talk to other momma's they all seem to have the same problems. Do we just have to much time to complain since we now have dishwashers and washer/dryer combos? How is it that the laundry piles up, even though I don't have to take it outside and wash and dry it by hand? And the kids? Is it too much TV, DVD's and computer games that has taught them NOT to keep themselves busy with simple toys like dolls and blocks?

I wonder if it really was easier 40 years ago......

dancing days

Another amazing night courtesy of a child. Many children actually. Last night was Sarah's dance recital and I had offered to volunteer and help out with the kids. A big room full of 3, 4 and 5 year olds!! AHH! yeah, but so much fun to enjoy time with Sarah and her friends. I got to take pictures for myself and the other moms and I got to see the joy in all their faces right before they went on stage- PRICELESS!! As a "scrapbooker" I see all these memory moments just as a scrapbook page!! So very inspiring for me!

The kids did well with all the waiting around they had to do, and the night ended with aching feet (mine) and hungry bellies.

All is good.

Be the change...

Hubby and I found ourselves having an awesome time yesterday at the Dover Nascar Race- despite the rainy morning, then the hot sun. Really fun time, really good race. As we walked around though, I was alarmed at what I was seeing - mostly everyone was overweight. Not just everyone-comes-in-different-sizes-large, but seriously-too-many-extra-value-meals-pregnant-bloated-belly-large. It really made me sad and I swore that we need to do something, this is terrible, blah blah blah. Then Hubby looked at me and said "G, you can only change yourself, not everyone else" and it stuck. He always has a way of kicking me in the seat and getting me to move in the right direction. I am not always happy with what he says, or how he says it, but it is truly always what I need to hear (I can feel him smirking now....)

So I made the decision that I can make the change, but, it does start with me. One of my favorite quotes, from Ghandi is- BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. At least in my world I do not want to see my kids running around with a cheesesteak in one hand and a 52 ounce soda in the other. As for Hubby, I need to keep moving forward, way forward so that he has to work hard to keep up. Will it change the world? I know it will change mine.

So, instead of complaining about something today- do something to change it.

garden life

In order for most of my garden things to grow I have to really pay attention - every day. Water, I usually forget, especially on the really hot days. Miracle Grow, well, just recently did I find that it really helps your flowers when you feed them the right things. What about sunlight? Some need it, alot. Some, not so much.

So it is with the kids. I see that "feeding" them with praise really does a hell of a lot more good than just picking out what is wrong. Preparing them before you go out with the rules and expectations helps them know the boundaries. Taking the time every day to have some special moment with them reminds me so much of why we chose to have a family, as opposed to clicking on the tv and expecting them to figure their way through the day on their own.

Self improvement books? Certainly don't need them anymore - kids are the perfect mirror for all your ill behaviors. Sarah's freak outs when she doesn't get her way -totally me. JR's stubborness- yeah, I'll take credit for that too. Really makes you take a look at yourself and fix some little things before jumping all over them about it. I mean, they do learn as we do, and Hubby and I are definately learning as we go.

so for now, we'll water and feed the garden, and patiently wait for our little family to bloom.

thank you

http://www.ace-clipart.com/american-flag-clipart-01.html

Thank you to the bravest,

the strongest,

the determined.

Thank you to my grandfathers and yours'.

To my brothers, and yours.

Thank you to the men & women who serve our country now and then.

being grateful

Then you rose into my life
Like a promised sunrise.
Brightening my days with the light in your eyes.
I've never been so strong,
Now I'm where I belong.

Maya Angelou

laundry list

I imagine if I got off the computer once in while, the laundry would not pile up this way...

Anyone up for a folding party??????

circles

We have begun a small project around the house, well, it's Hubby's project and it's really not that small- our bathroom! We have decided to take out the Whirlpool bathtub and install a custom large size shower. The current shower stall is very small and we will then convert that into a closet - YAY! a closet! Sarah and I went out food shopping last night, so the "boys" were working in the bathroom. JR was playing with one of those flat construction pencils and Hubby let him draw all over the plywood with it. He apparently had ALOT of fun with the pencil, because then he snuck out of the bathroom and drew ALL OVER my bedroom walls, closet door, and then the hallway.

This morning I asked him about it, and said "JR, what did you do with Daddy's pencil?" He looked at me, smiled, and said " I draw CIRCLES!!" Yes he did. many, many, circles....

The B....word

I have never been comfortable "forcing" the kids to eat. Each night I do place some sort of veggie on their plate only to have JR ignore it's presence and for Sweet Sarah to scream and cry that it is even on their plate. Never did I make them even take a bite. Last night both kids were just torturing us through dinner - refusing to eat anything, yelling to watch Spongebob, not sitting, being kids really. Hubby was great, Sarah whined and screamed and was immediately sent to her room. He sat patiently with JR and got him to eat his food. After a while, Sarah swore she would come out and eat everything, so we then sat her at the table. "no broccoli though", she mumbled. Back to her room she went. Finally she realized that this was no joke and she must have been hungry. She came back into the kitchen, ate her chicken and rice. I prodded her to try to very small (and I mean small!) piece of broccoli that was still sitting on her plate. "I don't like it, yuck, I'll puke...." on and on she went. Finally she saw there was no way out- I told her to put it in her mouth, chew it 3 times, then take a big swig of her soy milk. She did and after a small gag (self inflicted of course) she was fine- she even smiled at me.

About 10 minutes later while cleaning her room, as Hubby and I took a deep breath from the temper tantrums and screaming that we just dealt with, Sarah peaked her little head out of her room and said "Hey Mom, that broccoli was really good, can I have more tommorrow??"

I sware. Oh, and then she asked if her Aunt was making some broccoli for the party we are going to today. After all that....

take a step back...

I know this might sound a bit crazy coming from someone who is the oldest of six children, but I really did not know how hard raising kids was. seriously. They soak in every little thing they see - what they watch on television, how they see other kids interact at the park, and yes, their own parents. Ugh! Now I have to grow up- stop cursing, curb my temper and bite my tongue before I say something completely innappropriate in my own house? I thought "good kids", you know, the ones that are sweet and nice and polite, were just born that way- so I really do have something to do with all this, huh?

When I see my little girl behave like a monster I cringe, "what are those other people thinking?" But when I really look at it, it's as if I am looking into a carnival mirror directing only my worst traits back at me. Impatience, negativity, a snarl, and a condescending tone, and I say to her "what is your problem- where did this come from ?" I take a D-E-E-P breath and realize exactly where it came from - ME!

In trying to be "effective" as a parent, I forgot to just be a parent. The whole loving part. Being in the moment and enjoying the whole journey, for this is in fact, our shared portion of the whole trip. Sooner than I will care to admit they will be on their own, at school, out with friends, making their own mark on the world. What is it I really want them to see and learn? Kindness, helping others, making someone else's life better. Am I reflecting these things when I yell back or find it more important to stand my ground and show 'em "whose the boss"? Maybe I could step back a little and let them start to make some small choices around here, chill out and just show them by example how to be a better person. I guess it really does start with one person....

TO DO or NOT TO DO...

My TO DO's has grown and grown and I seem to be lost on where to begin:

• Plan JR's 3rd birthday party- (yeah, this Sunday!)
• Stop eating ice cream EVERY DAY!
• Figure out when to potty train the little guy..
• Also figure out how to get him off the binky (pacifier)
• Clean out my closet
• Iron hubby's stuff that has been sitting in a pile for weeks
• Stop thinking about ice cream EVERY DAY!
• Call Donna (thinking about you girl!!)
• Call Dana (yes, would love to go to lunch on Fri!)
• Smile at hubby (I think I was snarling when he left this morning..)
• Stop buying ice cream, even when it is on sale!
• Buy some new workout clothes, current stuff is actually getting to loose and distracting when I am at the gym.
• Plan computer during the day and stick to a schedule, so I am not mindlessly Tweeting and blogging and FB all day....
• Hug my kids, because even though they probably think I am the Mommy-Monster and the crankiest chick in town, I love them and certainly their hugs are the best part of the day!!!

Off to hug the cuties!

no yelling by 12pm...

Life always seems to throw in it's two sense just when you think you have it all figured out. Here I was, working out, eating great - gluten-free definately seems the way to go for me! I was feeling good and taking care of myself and I really felt like I was moving forward. I even felt a little bit more patience with the kiddies (yes, I hear Hubby chuckling at that one!) Anyhoo, I had it down pat. Then, both kids came down with that stomach-puking-and-coming-out-the-other-end thing, as well as dear Hubby getting sick too. I think I have never done so much laundry EVER, and that is just what needed to be done right away! I am still catching up with everything else. So, no gym for momma for a week, no trainer, no planned meals - just eating on the run, or from running from sick child to sick child, then to laundry room. As I hit the gym today, my awesome trainer Francine noticed I was not hitting it as hard as I could. Normally when I get to "that point", the point where I would probably stop on my own, but have her to help me push through, I usually start to laugh a little nervous laughter. Today, I wanted to cry and throw up. So strange the way our bodies deal with stress. Afterward, I felt that "I needed that!" goodness and can now go on with the rest of the day feeling that I accomplished something.

And no, I didn't puke.

Crying on the other hand will probably come later tonight when I can finally settle in and just gather my thoughts. Parenting, really putting them first can be tiring. And duh! why shouldn't it be? Sometimes though, I wonder if I am cut out for this - 4 year old Sarah hits her brother (3 yrs old), I tell her to go to her room to cool down - she shouts "NNNOOO!!" and then tells me to go to my room!! I walk over and tell her that she will spend longer in there if I have to carry her
there myself. She yells, but goes. She continues to scream while in her room for 15 minutes, then asks if she can come out. I politely tell her that her "Time Out" has not yet begun, that the timer will be set when she cools down first. Do you think she liked this? She yelled and screamed and I called Hubby for some backup- am I doing something wrong? I am trying not to yell or REACT. She needs to learn that people will listen when she is calm and not yelling. He assures me that this seems to be a better way than the Yell-First-Ask-Later route I usually take. Eventually, she did calm down and I went into her room, gave her hug and told her she could come out.

The thing is, do they learn? Or, is this a dance that we will do for how many more years to come?
As for right now, she tired herself out into a nap and I can watch my this morning's recorded episode of "The View".

another sick day

I found a minute to jump in the shower. Thank goodness for that! I even shaved my legs and will slap some make-up on in a few. I know, home with 2 sick kids, why the make-up? Listen, you never know when the Maytag man will show up (although, that would be really strange since there is nary a Maytag appliance in our home...) Yet, if he were to show up, I'd at least look human. Kids are napping for a while and Sarah finally believes me now that if she takes another sip of Gatorade it will come right back up.

As for the momma-work-in-progress I have noticed a major good change in me- normally when the kids are sick and I feel stressed, I EAT. I mean EAT ALL DAY LONG! I feel now though that it is important to take better care of myself in order to take better care of them, the little ones and the Hubby. I have been keeping track of what I eat, and when I eat certain food (wheat, gluten) how I feel and it's always the same- itching throat, sinus congestion, stomach ache a few hours later, but the thing I notice the most is my mood. I had this big, GIGANTIC muffin yesterday and I immediately felt fogginess in my head and very, very irritable (yes Hubby, more than normal!). Knowing this really helps me make better decisions on what and when I eat. Later this month I have an appointment for allergy testing since I want to get to the bottom of it in case there is something that needs to be checked with the kids. But even if no test shows a gluten intolerance or allergy, I believe it IS important to listen to your body- it certainly knows best. (now as for the pizza and wine last night, let's just think of that as medication!!)

that's a man for ya!

It has been 20 minutes since my last post. Do you know what can happen in 20 minutes? Well my little girl has gotten sick, again. I cleaned that up and then noticed JR still playing the Leapster on the couch. Funny, he doesn't usually lay on his belly to play? Then I smelled it. The overwhelming diaper smell. Ok yeah, he is 3 and still in diapers. We'll talk about that another day. So I don't even need to check his diaper because it is all up his back, on his pants, his shirt, everywhere. Everywhere but the couch. I have to give him credit, since in his video game induced stupor, by rolling over and not wanting to sit in his mess, he saved my couch from a major, major stain. thank you son for being a man.

Now I need a vacation. I called Hubby, ordered a pizza and opened a bottle of wine. A good wine. Here's to momma's all around the world. The puke cleaners, the poop wipers, all of it.

And now to my dear trainer, you can certainly kick my ass majorly when I finally break free and see you later this week...

Salud!!

help

Here we go again! JR had a stomach-puking thing going on for a few days and now sweet Sarah has it. I never knew that when I had children that the color and content of their vomit would be such an issue. oh my god- is that blood? oh no, just a blueberry from her muffin this morning. Really, and now I sware I am starting to feel queasy myself. I'm not sure if it's in my head or if Hubby is gonna be holding my hair back later while I yack into the toilet. uh oh- flashback of the good ole days! But then, those episodes were completely self-induced by overindulgence of gin & tonics and way too many buffalo wings.

And yes, what a great mom I am. Running down the stairs to blog, wiping the handrail with disinfecting wipes as I trotted my little way of "getting out of the house", praying that Hubby will allow me to go out to the gym to cardio my ass away. I am listening for the sick sounds upstairs, but at the same time googling "gluten-free recipes" for myself. Thank goodness the Leapster keeps JR busy, so I guess you would call this a break for today. Until I hear the moaning and yelling for "Mommeeeee!", then it's back to work. Oh, and I suppose I should plan something for dinner too. Leftovers sound very nice right about now.

health and good choices

We lose people we love.
We lose time by complaining or remaining inactive.
Too much loss for one girl to handle.

My recent enlightenment on my own health and well-being is definately what is first on my mind lately. I wake up and feel great. I know that the choices I make will make it a great day, or a crappy day. I know this, we all know this. Sometimes we choose to make the decisions that hurt us, usually out of habit or comfort. But when we step up and make the choice to put ourselves first, not in the "I deserve the damn ice cream" sense, but in the " I deserve to live a full and healthy life" sense, then it is a win-win situation. I have a great day without migraines or stomach troubles. I have energy. My kids get a mom with more patience and love to go around, and last for the entire day. Hubby gets, well, he gets some good momma. Everyone's happy all around.

What has been the change? Well I came to find out with some dietary changes that it is either wheat or gluten that affects my body in a very bad way. I am not a doctor and would tell anyone who thinks they might have a problem to always see their doctor first. I made some apppointments in order to pinpoint the cause, the first starting with an actual allergy. Then we'll move on from there. So the kids and I stopped by the health food store to pick up a few items to make some waffles tomorrow that we can all enjoy. Excited! Yes, excited to enjoy food without always complaining how sick I feel. Yeah, I'll miss the beer, but hey, I can handle some fun times with a gin and tonic or a nice bottle of wine!

*make the choice to see the brighter side of things each and every day!!!!!*

bye bye cranky momma!

I have really been working on "me" for the past 3 weeks. I have been working out hardcore with a trainer and really fine-tuning my diet. I have come to realize that feeling like crap all the time is not ok or normal in any way. I took wheat out for a few days and when I had some donuts today- holy moly! My mouth got all itchy and a little while later my stomach ached and my shoulders and neck were so tense. My body felt- attacked. I have to face the facts now. I made an appointment with the allergist for next month as my first step. I figure I'll start with allergy testing first, since I seem to be ok with oatmeal it may not be a "gluten" thing, but an actual wheat allergy. This sucks, but, this is so not bad. I can live with this. I can still eat ice cream! The fact that I have not had one of those terrible headaches I usually get routinely tells me that something is definately up.

This time I have been taking for me is reminding me that in order to be the best mom and role model to Sarah and JR I need to take care of myself- this is NOT selfish. Besides, who wants a cranky old momma with a headache all the time?

balance

Balancing act- that's what it feels like these days. Trying to get my Avon business up and running, JR's asthma, Sarah's milk allergy, working out with a trainer and really taking care of myself. Ah- what is missing? Hubby. I know it's sort of a shock lately for him. Me, eating gluten-free, working out hard when I can. Focusing on me. NOT eating ice cream every night. I know that change can be difficult. This is hard for me. But I stop and think about my family and how I am always feeling like crap. My daughter needs to see a good example in me. My son needs extra care. My hubby, even though he doesn't verbalize it does need a happier and healthier me. So they are my muses, the ones I seek inspiration from.

here we go, another day

take a deep breath...

I have stick in a serious circle of frustration-&-anger. The kind that is most difficult to break free. Sick kids, hubby away, mounting cleaning-laundry-forever-cleaning-the-kitchen. Overwhelmed I guess would really be the best way to describe it. Then the kids act up and I just start right away with the yelling. Doesn't get any better that way does it?

This morning I woke up and promised myself no reacting, just deal with things calmly as they arise. I created the mess around me by putting off certain cleaning (like the laundry and dining rooms). Now I need to take care of business. Even if it sucks, because I am the grown up here and that's what I need to do.