too attached

In my reading lately I picked up a few books about Buddhism, which I find absolutely fascinating! This idea of "nonattachement" struck a chord with me, basically because I was having a really hard time understanding exactly what that meant. At first, I thought it to mean not being "attached" to name brands, or "things", tangible "things that one would possess. But now I find it to be more of an "idea". Sort of like the being-in-the-moment-thing.

Anyway, in working on my lack of patience and quick anger (or as hubby says that I am ALWAYS yelling) I decided to make this idea of nonattachment work in my life. So, this morning when the kids ran into our room and started severely messing up my space, I had to think to myself, or "unattach" if you will, to the idea that I needed it to be a certain way. So, I took a breath and just thought to myself "it's already messed up". I know it sounds really stupid, but by letting go of that fighting thought of how things "should be", I was able to just see my kids having fun, then able to smile and have them help pick some things up. Why is this so hard for some of us? Very early this morning, try 4:15am, JR woke up and just could be bothered to go back to sleep. Usually, if it is before 5am, I end up very grumpy and react very badly to even a request for juice. My thoughts? I need sleep, I am tired, why can't they just sleep like everyone else's kids, blah blah blah, I just fight it. So today I smiled at him and just went with. I "unattached" to my thoughts on how it should be. What a much better morning it turned it out to be for all of us.

It is hard when you try to stick with what you know and try not to lose yourself. It is hard when you want to sleep and your thoughts ramble on about how unfair this is. Yeah, it's hard. But no one did tell me it would easy.