fresh pickins

This past Sunday we went pumkin picking. It was cold. It was windy. But, just putting a smile on can turn the whole thing around. We laughed and there were no meltdowns. With two toddlers, that in itself is amazing!! We got our pumpkins, then after bringing them back to the car we walked through the little petting zoo that was there. So much fun - I think JR had the most fun. He is finally really using more and more words every day and that particular day it was all about the "aminals". All day long he recited "aminals eeaat". Because he seemed to take so long to talk, everything he says just amazes me at this point. These are definately the days I will soon miss, the baby talk, the cuddling, the small little hands.

enjoy the sunshine

A few weeks ago Hubby and I took the kids to a nearby reservoir to enjoy some nature. I try to take them out every Sunday, pretty much because I don't go to church and my Cathiolic Schoolgirl guilt says to do something spiritual with them. Anyway, the weather is starting to get colder here in Jersey and I, not enjoying the cold too much don't know how else to dance with nature in the miserable winter. Hopefully something will come to my mind, or, I will have to find a church to attend, and hopefully, save my soul.

making it through

The struggle has already begun- Sarah would like to put on her ballet tights and leotard. This begins at 5:30am. Her class is not until 9:30am. She yells at me that I am not fair (she is 3, almost 4 years old). I explain that she can put in on at 8:30 when she has finished her snack. I don't want her to get it all dirty nor do I want her to rip her tights (at $12 a pop, I try to make them last as long as possible!) Anyway, she feels that I am being unreasonable and I never listen to her. The funny thing is, I am so on the floor playing with them all the time. I hug and listen and comfort all the time. I am not sure what she needs, because if it was reasonable, I would certainly accommodate.

I guess my "question" is this - does it have to be a struggle? I totally understand that giving a child everything they "want" is not good for them (or the rest of the world) in the long run. Why does it seem that other people's kids don't put up such a fight? And why for goodness sake does my little princess constantly bug the crap out of her brother????????

As I sit here, trying to relax and remember that kids are kids and I am here to guide them blah blah blah, I am surrounded by what seems like an increasing mountain of toys and I am just taking a breath and hoping that I can hike my way through this day, with a smile. (oh, and a Dunkin Donuts Coffee Coolata)

catching up

The kids have finally gotten down for naptime and I have committed myself to blogging each day the minute they have begun to dream.... Time management has been a problem for me and I was struggling with figuring out reasons. I am the type of person who needs a reason for everything. Why is Sarah misbehaving? What is the reason?? hello, how about she is almost 4 going on 13!! JR refuses to potty train. What is the reason?? duh, he is 2 1/2 and some children just aren't ready yet. So in figuring out how to use my time wiser I decided that I definately needed to set in stone the things that made Momma's day brighter. Workout time at the gym, blogging/computer time, scrapbooking. Then I also realized that the mundane household crap that I hated so much was so dreadful because I looked at it in that way, as something that I hated. So, some positive thinking and a perfectly good attitude adjustment was needed.

(by the way, it so much that JR refuses to potty train, it's that he screams on the toilet, then when the feet hit the floor he proceeds to bless the room with should have been in the toilet. And Sarah, well, I am beginning to see that backtalking, snotty remarks and little angry outbursts are being well modeled by this Momma who needs to stop and take a breath a little more often....)

too attached

In my reading lately I picked up a few books about Buddhism, which I find absolutely fascinating! This idea of "nonattachement" struck a chord with me, basically because I was having a really hard time understanding exactly what that meant. At first, I thought it to mean not being "attached" to name brands, or "things", tangible "things that one would possess. But now I find it to be more of an "idea". Sort of like the being-in-the-moment-thing.

Anyway, in working on my lack of patience and quick anger (or as hubby says that I am ALWAYS yelling) I decided to make this idea of nonattachment work in my life. So, this morning when the kids ran into our room and started severely messing up my space, I had to think to myself, or "unattach" if you will, to the idea that I needed it to be a certain way. So, I took a breath and just thought to myself "it's already messed up". I know it sounds really stupid, but by letting go of that fighting thought of how things "should be", I was able to just see my kids having fun, then able to smile and have them help pick some things up. Why is this so hard for some of us? Very early this morning, try 4:15am, JR woke up and just could be bothered to go back to sleep. Usually, if it is before 5am, I end up very grumpy and react very badly to even a request for juice. My thoughts? I need sleep, I am tired, why can't they just sleep like everyone else's kids, blah blah blah, I just fight it. So today I smiled at him and just went with. I "unattached" to my thoughts on how it should be. What a much better morning it turned it out to be for all of us.

It is hard when you try to stick with what you know and try not to lose yourself. It is hard when you want to sleep and your thoughts ramble on about how unfair this is. Yeah, it's hard. But no one did tell me it would easy.