between friends

Today as I was flipping through the newspaper I saw a familiar name where you don't want to see it - in the obituaries. She was a wonderfully nice woman. I used to do her hair when I worked in the hair salon years ago. She was also the mother-in-law to a friend I lost touch with long ago.

It wasn't anyone's fault I suppose. Nor did some outrageous thing happen that turned us away from one another. It was just life. It was slow and sometimes quietly obvious as missed phone calls just never got returned. Or, as I lived alone in my own single apartment, she moved on to marry and start in with the babies. Then there was the phone call to tell me she was pregnant for the second time. When I realized she was 6 months along at the time of the call, I knew something had changed between us. That closeness, that quick to call when something bad, great or indifferent had happened. Alot of things went unsaid. I felt angry about a few things. There had been an expressed dislike of the fact I had broken up with a longtime boyfriend of the time. I felt left behind when she favored other girlfriends who seemed to have more time for her.

There are moments you think about that crap over a glass of wine and think that life goes on and you're ok without those long lost friends. Then there are the times, like this morning, when you realize that other people who had a special seat in your heart at one time or another, are hurting. Perhaps my heart is still raw from losing my Pop this summer, or maybe I did yearn to just hug my friend. I thought about it all morning and then I called. Of course it took her a stunned few seconds for her to get a grip of who I was, then there was an awkard silence. I expressed my condolences. I told her I felt so badly it took a death for me to call. I told her I just really wanted her to know how much I wished I could hug her and her family and let them know I truly, truly cared. We both had a shakiness in our voices and although I know why she could have been on the verge of tears with her close loss, my tears were for something else. Lost love, I guess. The memories of how close we used to be, and how far we are now. I'm not sure, but I am glad I trusted my instincts and called, instead of mulling over it for a week. We both expressed our I Love Yous and promised to call. I guess we'll see how it turns out.

no pop for you

Yesterday actually turned out pretty good considering it began with toddler puke on the couch. She was sick all morning, then just a fever and sounding a bit congested in her head. I am hoping that the tummy thing was just because the fever started so fast, but we made sure to take the opportunity to tell her it was because she stole someone's lollipop the day before.
Yep. I was in the very crowded waiting room of the pediatrician on Monday, late afternoon, for something else. As the kids were playing, which grosses me out, all the germs on the toys and stuff, I heard this little voice say "oh, a lollipop", I turned and it was like slow motion. I jumped up and saw my precious little girl steal the pop out of another toddler hand and yeah, she stuck it her mouth. My first thought is "eeww!" Then I'm watching this kid like a hawk for signs of anything that looks like illness. Flesh eating bacteria, stomach flu... why is that child here? Should I ask his mom? We did chat a little when her younger child kept trying to steal my diaper bag. After reprimanding Sarah, she then asked if she could just have her own lollipop. "No dear." was all I could muster.

So of course, after she threw up yesterday, we made sure she understood about germs and other people's food, and so on. Yeah, so this morning I found her eating something, she said it was cereal, off the floor. Eeww.

get the puke bucket...

aah. 4:30am. Awake and very bushy tailed my little girl was ready to play. A little too ready.
Fast forward to 6am, some soy milk. Her regular fave. She hands back the cup, only half empty and asks for her dolly and Dora, and then to be covered up with a blanket on the couch.

holy shit I tell hubby. She's sick.
5 minutes later. Puke, puke all over the couch. The seat that hubby favors. He cleaned it up like a champ and promised to steam clean it tonight. He knows what I could possibly be in for today, as he leaves with a small dab of worry on his face. (but I am sure happy to be leaving the House of Throw Up Horrors.)


more details to come.

inspire me momma

inspire me momma
do not direct every scene
let me fall and find my way back up
see me jump sometimes into the unknown

inspire me momma
do not always yell first
look first
take it in and then decide
how to react, or not

inpsire me momma
be the best
so that I can look at you
and want that for myself

updates for the new yr

Packing up the tree. Cleaning up the house. Trying to be a good enough parent. These things can take up some time. Being good and faithfully going to the gym. The work out is great, but I really think that the time alone keeps me sane. I even had to buy some time at night to right in my own little private journal, so as not to scare anyone online with my deepest, darkest thoughts. Perhaps, that is why I have stayed away for too long. I think I was afraid to vomit out all of my feelings in one post.

So, Sarah loves,loves,loves the movie Mary Poppins right now, so, we watch it every day. Every day. JR loves the Bob the Builder, so we watch it every day too. He is starting to say more words lately, thankfully. Last week at his well visit (he's 20 months old now), the Dr. expressed concern that he was not speaking much more than "Ma" and "D"(for Daddy). It was not two days later when he started talking and babbling nonsense, and I sware he said "strawberry" when I made pancakes and cut up the fruit in front of him that morning. No worries with him on that I guess.

The kids are napping and I am going to take advantage of the few sacred minutes I have to read up on some of my fav blogs and have a HOT cup of coffee.