Morning Monster Madness

This silly computer again! I woke up nice and early this morning due to the baby needing to be nursed. After finishing with his business, I got dressed and proceeded to come downstairs to work out. The CD-ROM on my computer is not detecting any disks it seems (which I have never had a problem with before) and I spent what felt like ages fiddling with it when I truly have no clue what I am doing. After a few minutes of that nonsense, I picked my behind up off the nice comfy chair to work out for a little while. I am really not that great with computers and I am not wanting to spend any free time (uh, what is that anyways??) futzing with this monster. Perhaps I should just ignore the problem, ya know, the way hubby ignores his dirty socks balled up on the floor? Just walk right by and pretend the problem does not even exist. Problem with that - it's my computer- not hubby's, so the only person troubled is me. So I figure I will Google some info later tonight while drinking my evening tea and try to figure it out.

Snowless

Once again I was all excited for some snow and once again I woke up to an inch of slush. Living near the coast, this tends to happen. I don't know, I see the excitement in my little girl's eyes when she goes to bed and it is snowing, I just cannot wait to see her happy little face in the morning. Now I certainly know that the impending disappointment will last only a minute when she wakes, but still, I remember being young and how exciting it was.

I remember sitting in my classroom when the first flake started to fall and feeling that edgy feeling in my gut, "when are they gonna let us out?? school has got to close for this!!" I remember the hour long production it was for my own Momma to dress us all (4 of us a that time) to go out into the blustery fun. Then there was the madness of tearing everything off, fingers numb, belly's aching for a warm cup of cocoa afterwards.

Perhaps, I am just aching myself for that excitement. For some fun and throwing snowballs. For some warm cocoa with marshmallows floating on top. My red frozen fingers wrapped around a steaming mug, everyone sitting around the kitchen table smiling and excitedly interrupting the others with their stories of wet, snowy adventures.

aahh, sounds good.. I better call my sister today for a visit and some cocoa....

now-a-days

I did not catch the red carpet tonight,
nor did I Google the new scandalous pics of the NJ American Idol contestant.
I did think how sad it is that poor Anna Nicole's body is being fought over, and the judge seems to be caring more about his 15 minutes of fame.
I did think how sad I am for Brit and all the young and famous that have to go thru the low parts of their lives with the world watching them through the ever-present camera lens.
I am afraid for young girls that care more that their thong does show thru the tops of their pants, and for the fact that this younger generation seems to regard sexual activies as nonchalantly as picking out a new movie at Blockbuster.
I grew up in the 80's where baggy sweatshirts and leggings were hot.
Big hair and slouchy socks.

I am hoping for my daughter's sake that things start to change. How do we teach our daughters self respect when "everybody is doing it??" and I mean they seem to be doing everything.


Just had to get it all out.

Goings on

We got a new dinette set last night, which I love!

Sarah almost surprised me when grabbing veggies off the counter, I really thought she was gonna eat it!



Little man is sick with a cold-cough, but I think he'll be ok in a few days.

I seem to lacking lately on time management, passion for cooking and extra cash. So, as I try to develop a "get rich scheme" for hubby and I, I am wondering aloud "what am I good at"? Hubby would laugh and mutter something like "argueing" or "being a pain in the a--", but I have to say, I do think that although I cannot motivate myself somedays, I am pretty good at motivating others. So, where does that put me? - watch out Tony Robbins!!!

Clean it up

It is so amazing how cleaning up and rearranging some furniture can really pick you up when you need it. My hardwood floors needed a good cleaning, and I moved a couch so the living room looks so much bigger now! Hubby will probably not like the fact that his "seat" is not directly in front of the monstrous television that we own, but I can see the kiddies much better from my everlasting station in the kitchen. Does anyone else get stuck in the vortex of cleaning-and-cooking? It seems to be a neverending chore around here. But, it is 2:30pm, the little ones are napping, I have made a fresh cup of coffee, and I am settled here on the net. (feeling stress free for the moment)

I have a new found energy to do some projects, but I know that I should (there's that word), I SHOULD finish up the things that I have already begun. I do however, need to do some more research on ebay, since we have a few items around here that I would like to sell. ( we could use the extra cash, and I have been thinking about doing some sort of work from home, so I thought I would try to sell a few things to see how I do). Time seems to be the biggest problem right now for me (as for every Mommy out there, I know). I want to learn so much right now. I started a home study program for certification for Personal Trainer, which, I cannot even read as much as I thought I would be able to!! I would like to learn HTML ( for my Nanny's who are reading, that is the web-language, for building web-sites and stuff). I would like to run on the treadmill instead of hanging clothes on it. I suppose my biggest time obstacle is the fact that I love my sleep at night. I need it. I am in bed by 9:30pm most nights, knowing full well that there is so much I could be doing. But, I do know that for me to be a good and happy Momma, I need to be a well rested Momma. With that, right now I think I will move those clothes and hop on the treadmill for a little.

Feeling Sick

It is a wonderfully ill feeling day in our home. Hubby is sick, throat infection and chest cold, which is really aggravating his asthma. I started to feel sick yesterday but scared the crap out of the germies by dousing myself with salt-water gargles and drinking Vit C supplements. But of course it has happened that I have yet another (sorry TMI) female infection. Ever since I had my Little Girl I get them all the time! It sucks, plain and simple. Through my whole pregnancy with the Little Man until now.
Please God, can I have my crotch back ?

V-Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

wonderful, awesome hubby brought home some yummy choco-covered strawberries and pretzels, so he gets a *star* for the day!! the kiddies and I made some cards on the computer for him and made him some chicken soup to ease his achy head-chest cold. rainy, cold weather and we are home for the day to enjoy each other's company (hopefully)

love to all.......

Slow Down

I have so many thoughts running around lately and no such organizational place for them. I don't even know where to start writing sometimes. So I pulled a card from the Observation Deck and it says simply - slow down. Perfect.

Enjoying and be grateful for what I have does not always come easy. Am I supposed to enjoy cleaning and all the home-keeping drudgery? Where does the fun come in with playing and laughing? I try to make the time for that, but I always feel as if there is something else I "should" be doing. Like ironing (yuck!) cleaning the fridge (yuck! yuck!) cleaning the bathtub in mine and hubby's bathroom (which we never use and I sware and curse every time I clean it out of all the hair and yuckiness that accumulates). I am home with my children. I am making sacrifices to be here, with them. So, I owe them that. To be here with them.

Now that the little cuties have been sleeping until 6-6:30 am, I would like to start using that extra hour (yes, 5 am) to get up and work out. I say this because 1) 8pm ain't working out for me, and 2)I am a happier-well-functioning-momma when I get my sweat on. The truth is, I love to exercise, but I cannot find the time to do it during the day. I know on the days I get it in, I physically feel better. I am emotionally ready to handle whatever comes my way. Mentally, I don't forget as much as I......(oops, sorry lost my thought..) So this goes with putting me first, which in turn will benefit others as well.

Slow Down. Slow Down. Slow Down.

Enjoy the kids without thinking what should I be doing.
Stop rushing around as if there is somewhere else I should be, I need to be here, in the moment, with my precious little ones before I lose this time.

Go to sleep little baby

Tonight is one of those evenings that I keep crawling over toward the computer, but I never quite make it here in time. Parched and weathered from the demands of a two year old who simply cannot decide what she wants at the moment - she wants to be both rocked in the rocking chair and put in her bed at the same time - she wants two music cd's playing her to sleep, but no matter which one I choose for her, it is the wrong one. I need to unwind, relax, de-something or other, but cannot yet breathe knowing that my little angel will soon be screaming for me again (I am so glad - lucky - that she doesn't do this all the time!!!) So my little oasis on the internet will just have to wait until I have some brain cells recharged for tomorrow...

Good Momma

There are times during my day where I wonder what type of mother am I? Am I a good mom? Will my children turn out ok and not so emotionally disturbed? Then I read a news report and see something like this and I have to scream out loud "Yes I am a good momma, hear me roar!!!"

Which now brings me to the question. I see my friends, and various Moms who have their "stuff" together and I wonder, do they really? Are they as dumbfounded as I sometimes? Do they questions every Mommy-Move they make? It really feels sometimes like there is a Mommy Club somewhere that I didn't learn the secret handshake to. The Club that gives you all the answers, like, to remember extra underwear and a plastic baggie in the diaper bag. Or to make sure there is an extra binky in every room of the house. If I don't get my hour to exercise alone each day, I really lose it. I need that for my sanity. Do you know how hard it is to do crunches with a 2 year old sitting on your stomach? Does that make me selfish? I sometimes wonder, because I am not so good all the time at this "mommy last" type of thinking. I sort of think, for me anyway, it would make me not such a good mommy.

A close friend of mine was on the phone today, and she is trying to get pregnant but it doesn't seem to be happening as quickly as she had hoped. I reminded her to relax about it. (this from a woman who got pregnant twice very quickly) As she spoke about the stressful things going on in her life currently, she said maybe she wasn't ready to have kids. I told her I don't think you are ever ready. I am still not ready. I guess if I was ready, it would take the challenge and the fun out of it all.

Library Trip

We had our first visit to the library this week. I have to thank all of the other mommy's who were coming out of a toddler group at that time for assuring me that my little angel (devil) was acting completely normal for her first time. They all assured me that their children (sitting ever so perfect and quiet) were the exact same way on their first trip (running between the aisles of books and screaming "Dora-Dora I want Dora!!"?? I wasn't so sure about that, but it made me feel a little better. I can sware sometimes that I have it all together, then, we leave the house and I am smacked in the face with a large dose of reality. I get flustered and I swore that would never be me. I was supposed to be the mom with the child of gold. I was supposed to have make-up on and my hair done and look ever so yummy at all times. I am supposed to use smarter words than "poop" and "tinkle". I was not going to yell (which apparently, I do quite often). By the way, does anyone have any anger-management tips on that to share with the group???? Don't hold out on me!

So it will be back to the library tomorrow to return a movie we borrowed last week. It will be a quick trip, but perhaps we'll sit and read a short book. The toddler group for this month is actually full already, so I will sign her up for the next one. By then, the in-laws will be home from Florida and then I can bother Momma-Inlaw to watch JR so I can take Sarah on her own. I know I need to start getting her out more (and me of course!!) and accustomed to different situations and places - any ideas???

Finding Passion

Lately my thoughts during the day seem to wander into the "what is my passion" sort of thing. Two babies, busy all day. I find myself really concentrating on what I will enjoy doing once I do start to work again. I have always been passionate about health, nutrition, and yes, even exercise, although I cannot seem to find the time or energy lately. ( I am told that this is normal....?) So, I have decided to get certified through ACE as a personal trainer. I would really love to work with (no surprise here) Moms, and older adults. I think that people need to understand that fitness should be like, well, like brushing your teeth. So many of us are not taught that. It is looked as something we have to do, and I am not one for doing what I have to do (just what I would like, or what is good for me). I also think that people need to know it's something that can be done right at home, or with friends or family. You don't have to go to a gym (unless the kids are driving you nuts and you must leave the house immediately!!!!) I think that this would help me find that need to feel "useful" in this world.

Getting back

ah the craziness of losing your computer - At times it is my link to the outside world. How strange that losing such a simple thing for a few days can be so anxiety causing. I had to reinstall everything to get my little world back to normal. Now to catch up with the laundry and everything else that is begging for attention....

On to everyday things - Sarah is doing great with the potty! IN fact, so great that the only accident she has had was at a friend's party the other day and she went into the bathroom by herself, but couldn't get her little tights off quick enough! I felt so badly because she has been doing so well with it. My little man is so good, especially since I have had to stop midstream nursing to make sure his big sister is ok on the toilet by herself!! He is such a great little go-with-the-flow type of guy!!

I am so excited there are some more new babies to come into our lives!! My friend Jen is pregnant with twins (due in August) and our niece Jodi is also pregnant (due around the same time I think??!) I am thrilled when people are pregnant and the excitement of a new baby!! (most especially when it is not I who has to push it out!)

I am trying to process some of the many news blurbs I have seen or heard this week, so I will write again later today. Like the four sets of parents who are suing Myspace.com and its owner News Corp. due to their children being assaulted by adults that they have met online. I need to do some more research on this particular suit, but, aren't parents also responsible for their children? Perhaps, as I feel, children should not have computers in their rooms or be allowed to be online at certain times or unsupervised, or, as parents we should learn better ways of communicating with our children. Perhaps we should teach our children that you should not publish "private" info such as your personal home address and such online. Or maybe, we could try harder to provide a better home and circle of friends for our kids so that they won't feel the need to look elsewhere for it?? (so someone who has to research it, I certainly have an opinion, huh??) Or all the media hype that a couple like Brad and Angelina get?? I get that they are movie stars and I think that what they do for people in need is wonderful! But I just fear for them that once something they do looks "less than the perfect" the media will attact them negatively. Why do we put people on such a high pedestal, when they are, well, human??

sorry, just trying to clear my head for some better thoughts later......

Crash and Learn

My hard drive has completely been wiped out and I am not a happy momma. Anyone I know and love, please email me with your email address so I can add it back to my address book. I am having trouble adding back programs I use frequently since I cannot find serial #s and all that good stuff. I am so aggravated!
But, in the whole process I am realizing that 1) I must back up my photos weekly (at least I didn't lose them ALL) 2) I must print out receipts, not keep them in the computer and 3) that really I have my health, isn't that all that really matters???

AAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Roar-to be a woman. Most of the time great. Now however, I think that having a penis would make things a little easier sometimes. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow for some bloodwork and a general "physical" to see what's going on. I just haven't felt well in a while. (gee, I wonder if chasing after 2 kids could have anything to do with it??) I just finished a round of antibiotics due to a urinary tract infection. I have an estrogen problem and I feel as if I have a 88 year old crotch.(I am a 32 yr old woman with the oldest crotch on the East Coast!!) So I use the estrogen cream, which will probably cause cancer and unknown at this time illnesses, and I use the antibiotics which have apparantly caused me to have sore nipples, which I believe now to be thrush. JR has not been nursing properly for the past two days, he makes these weird clicking noises in his mouth. I thought this was due to the little booger teething (8 months old with 8 teeth already), but I will try again to pry his little jaw open tomorrow to see if I see anything oddly resembling cottage cheese (that's what the book says.)
So for the rest of my wonderful evening, I will rinse my nipples with a vinegar-&-water and hope that maybe someday soon I will be pregnant again because frankly, that was the time of my life where I felt my absolute best.

Better Best Bestest

I listened today and found that the universe is most definately trying to send me a message. The other day while flipping channels, hubby and I came across an awards show where Will Smith was being honored for something or an another. Anyway, he spoke about how he had decided when he was 15 yrs old, after a girl had broken up with him, he would do everything 100% and never be "not good enough" again. He made a decision to be all he could be and to be the best he could be. Fast forward to this morning on The View, rapper-author-actor-hotty LL Cool J was on in regards to his new fitness book. He also spoke about a pivotal point in his life where he decided that he would not accept less than the best from himself. He would be the best "him" that he could be.

Both men stuck in my mind ( not because they are both good looking), but because they had something to say that resonated with me at a deeper level. So this afternoon, while Sarah was napping and I was making lunch for JR, I played the episode of Oprah that I had recorded from yesterday. Bob Greene was on speaking about his new book The Best Life Diet. I was instantly intrigued, not because it seemed to be a "new" diet plan or something else to change my life, but it was simply the word - best.

I'm not quite sure that I have ever put that much effort into anything. Things have always seemed to come pretty easily to me. I have settled for less than the best about myself in my "laziness" I suppose. I got lucky with a great hubby. I got lucky with two easy going babies. I got lucky with cool inlaws. But what about my own personal goals? To be the "best" mother I can be? To be the "best" me I can be?? I tend to procrastinate, make excuses and try to find the easy way to do things. I do not challenge myself, nor do I expect more than average things to happen for me. Perhaps in making that decision, that leap for always striving for bigger and better I can teach my children all that is possible.

The Potty Training: Mission Not-Impossible I

Toilet training is not so bad. It's been since Tuesday and she is already going into the bathroom and doing the deed by herself most of the time. Some of the day I still must take her in there and have her sit, but it was an accident free day today. hooray for Sarah!!! My little champ!

Now, I just have to actually leave the house and see how she does.... I'm really not looking forward to that since she pretty much just goes into the bathroom at the last possible second.
Ok, kiddo, just hold it!! yeah, ok mom...

This is truly one of those things that BK (before kids) I would have never understood, but now, I along with seasoned mothers everywhere now know the pain and breathless running around that goes with potty training. (and I get to do it again in like 18 months or so!!!)

Training Days

I am breaking a sweat.
This is like training for a marathon.
My arms tire from carrying my spirited young toddler back and forth.
My patience has grown to a thinness that I never knew could be possible.
I am very grateful to have hard wood floors.
I am extremely grateful that my little 8 month old, although he is trying, is not able to walk yet.
It is wonderful for my emotional state that my children are both in bed by 7pm.

I am a potty training momma.

I don't really know what I was thinking before I began this. I thought you bring a child to potty and they take to it right away. Well, sorta. That is if you set a timer every 45 minutes to take them there yourself. I have really been blessed with such a great child that this is just overwhelming to me. Everything has been easy up to this point. Oh yes, then there are the times where I call to her "potty time" and she runs away screaming "NNNOOOO" and as I reach for her she pounds me with a little fist that I can only hope will make money off of boxing someday.


We are doing the underpants, no diaper or training pants thing and it does seem to be going as well as I am guessing it should. She wakes up dry from naps and nighttime so I should not complain about the neverending running around during the day. Besides it is exercise, right??

Sunny Day

Yesterday was a truly beautiful day here in NJ. The sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky and we really only needed a light sweatshirt. It's January and I have a fly in my house that apparently is not aware of the season. It's winter and I don't even know if my cheap self should shell out the cash (even at Wal-Mart) for a pair of snow boots for my little cutie girl since it certainly doesn't look like we will need them anytime soon.



That leads me to Wal-Mart. I have not been to Wal-Mart in a while since Target is closer to my home and it seemed to have all I have needed lately. Well, they have remodeled our Wal-Mart, and although I was annoyed at first because I could not find anything,(because frankly, the world revolves around me and I happen to act like a two year old when things don't go my way) I really like it now. I actually went in and purchased baby food, underwear and spray paint all in one store! Gotta love it!



so here's to playing in the sun during the winter and finding all you need under one roof!!

3 am Beauty

3 am. Baby cries. Momma runs to the rescue. A quick change, quiet night. He squirms toward me to nurse. We sit together and rock softly. The moonlight shines on his face. His little hand reaches up to feel my face and make sure that I am smiling. I am so tired, so peaceful. I stroke his hair and realize this is that moment I want to remember forever. When he plays his first football game, when he graduates high school, goes to college, when he marries his love. I sit and just be here in that moment. This is where I feel my strongest, my most beautiful. This is where I gather my strength to do it again tomorrow.