delusional momma

Are you a hugger?

2011-11-04T09:50:00.000-04:00

I just read an interesting article in our local paper : suspended for a hug. A middle school boy has been suspended for hugging a female classmate. It was clearly an innocent hug, no hanky panky. Seems a bit overkill, don't you think? I greet friends, or even some acquaintances with a hug at times. I guess I'm what you call a "hugger" or a "touchy feely" kinda chick. My own children ages 5 & 6 even hug their friends when leaving a playdate. Parenting is hard enough, do we even have to begin questioning an innocent hug?

As parents, we constantly have to ponder whether our punishments were fitting for the crime, or if we were too strict to begin with. (at least that's what I do...over analyzing everything..) I really want to head down to Florida and give these people a hug. I think they need it.

Keep huggin'.

2011-11-01T10:37:00.001-04:00

A long time ago, a girl blogged. It has been over a year- wowzers! Currently, the kids have gotten larger and the Hubby even more handsome. We still battle food allergies and traffic here in good 'ol Jerzee. So here I am, again. I was asked by several friends and comrades to share the Mini Pumpkin Muffin recipe from my jewelry party the other day, so here goes:

MINI PUMPKIN MUFFIN YUMMIES (GLUTEN FREE)
About 32 mini muffins
1 1/4 C gluten free flour blend of your choice
2 tsps baking powder (gluten free)
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp xatham gum
1 1/2 tsps ground cinnamon
1 C sugar
2 Tb ground flaxseed mixed with 4 1/2 Tb water( let sit for a few minutes before adding ) this is how you make flaxseed "eggs"
1 1/2 C canned pumpkin
2 tsps vanilla (gluten free)
1/3 C oil ( I used canola, but will probably try melted coconut oil next time )

Prepare mini muffin pans by using small muffin liners.
Preheat oven to 350
In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, salt, xantham gum, and cinnamon. In a small bowl, whisk together the sugar, flaxseed "eggs", pumpkin, vanilla, and oil. Stir the wet ingredients into the dry until just combined. Spoon into prepared mini muffin liners. Bake until toothpick comes clean and springy to the touch., approx 15-18 minutes.
Let cool completely on a rack and sprinkle with powdered sugar. Delicious!!

I am not a professional, but I love to make any food "nonallergenic" and gluten free so that my entire household can enjoy. The trick is always to make it yummy enough the Hubby doesn't know the difference.

As I move forward with my Holistic Health Coach training and meeting so many amazing people, I hope that my little recipes will evolve into a safe place for people to learn about holistic healing, gluten free cooking and so much more.

2010-08-23T09:47:00.002-04:00

the central vacuum will not shut off, the rubber backing on the bathrug shredded in the washing machine and my breakfast sucked. quick, someone send me some inspiration....

color me WHAT???

2010-08-08T21:29:00.003-04:00

The anxiety is overwhelming. Really, never have I felt so frustrated and afraid to commit.

After 10 years Hubby and I have decided to paint the living room. It is currently white.
So we have smudged a few samples on the wall and I cannot decide what I want. I thought I wanted some color. I ended up with beiges, greys and off whites. But even they are just sitting there on the wall saying "come on G, do it do it...." I can't commit. Not to one damn color. I am afraid. This is our living room here. The room we all hang out in....everyday. I actually have to keep putting down all my painting swatch books and leaving the room because it is so anxiety inducing for me.

But we need this. I certainly do not feel that I have left my mark in this room yet, and I find myself struggling with the fact that maybe, just maybe, I don't know what my mark is yet. So ridiculous, I know, you don't have to tell me. In fact, if Hubby came home tomorrow and said he wanted to have another baby, that would be easy. If I had to go out and buy a new refrigerator, no problem- we could have that picked out in an hour. But paint, hold on, I had no idea that this was so difficult.

uh.

I need to stop talking about it now because I feel an anxiety attack coming on.

uh.

Gluten Free Pancake Recipe

2010-07-16T06:32:00.002-04:00

ah, another a few days have passed and I realized that I never posted that pancake recipe!!

Gluten-Free Pancakes

1 1/2 Cups Gluten-Free Arrowhead Mills All Purpose Baking Mix
1 Tb sugar
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 mashed banana ( or 2 TB oil )
1 Tb vinegar PLUS enought milk to make 1 Cup (or use buttermilk)
4 egg whites

Combine everything except the egg whites.
Whisk or beat the egg whites to fluff them up (is that a cooking term??)LOL
Fold egg whites into batter mixture, let it sit for 5-10 minutes. (this seemed to be a prevalent step in most of the gluten free pancake recipes I came across)
Grease heated griddle (I used coconut oil as I had just bought it and have been trying it in many different recipes - it gave the pancakes a great taste!)

After I made 1/2 of the batch I really wanted some blueberry pancakes, so I folded in some berries- however when I did this, the batter seemed to lose some of it airiness. Next time I will fold the berries in with the egg whites (had to use those fresh Jersey blueberries!)

Enjoy!

something new is always brewing...

2010-07-13T08:50:00.001-04:00

It has been a stretch between posts. I know- so for my sweet grandmothers and my uncle who actually read this blog, I apologize. Life takes hold, projects go on hiatus, and it's all a momma can do to keep the household afloat. Struggles? nah. We muddle through the best we can, learning as we go- and boy have I learned alot! Life throws curveballs and we can still knock it out of the park! Projects get left behind, only to be finished better than ever after a fresh prospective and more knowledge on the subject at hand. THIS is life, and life is good!

Most recently for me, after putting it off for several years, 2 babies and being sick of feeling sick all the time, I went to the doctor and didn't take no for an answer. I knew something was not right, tired, headaches, stomaches- all the time! I knew it was something I was eating, but what? I eat pretty clean, eat all my fruit and veggies, what could it be? I suspected gluten. I was partly correct. It seems my testing has led me to see that I am allergic to soy and eggs. Hello? I eat eggs every day and soy is in, well, it's in everything!! Corn showed up on the testing too, but I am taking baby steps here.

Gluten free is pretty easy for me. The eggs part is pretty difficult, and the thing with food allergies/intolerances is that many symptoms do not show up immediately so it is very difficult to figure out for most people. So I will still use eggs in baking, just not eat egg based dishes for now. I learned that you have to be persistent when it comes to your health ( and that of your family as well ). When Sarah was a baby I knew something was not right and figured out she was allergic to milk ON MY OWN. The doctors were surprised when they finally tested her because her symptoms were not what they considered normal. huh. interesting to me......

Then it happens that I go over my goals for the year to see how I am doing. My goal was to obtain my personal trainer cert. I find my focus for a while has been the nutrition part though. I am struggling with not doing what I set out to do. Time to refocus. I glance around my dining room...tons of cookbooks. I mean tons (if you have been to my house you KNOW what I am talking about!) I cannot seem to leave the supermarket without grabbing a magazine full of recipes. I even recently became a consultant for Tastefully Simple. I have always loved to tweak recipes to make them healthier, a little wheat germ here (although no more for me), a little ground flaxseed there. Just started playing around with coconut oil when I made gluten free pancakes this morning and I must say they were out of this world! Even Hubby would not have noticed the difference!

So today I think I learned that the things that make our life more difficult can actually help us see the place we want to go in the long run. Do I really need to maintain a gluten-free diet? no, I don't. That is if I want to feel sick all the time. Did I enjoy playing around with recipes this morning to make these amazing pancakes? yes, I do. Is is ok to not accomplish a goal you set our to do if you find your passions elsewhere? absolutely!

2010-03-31T07:49:00.002-04:00

First things first- I cannot believe that it has been almost a month without any posts! I'm really not that interesting or busy, so I have no excuse except for laziness. Let's see- got a new camera- Nikon - so excited to play around with that- now I just need a tripod. (Yes, Hubby- MORE $$$!! ) Keeping busy with the kids, who at the moment- Sarah is sick, fever gone, but throat still swollen, will probably bring her to the dr today to have it checked out. JR- watching Sesame Street at the moment, so I have a few moments before I need to "entertain". Have been a bit under the weather myself with allergies, being in Jersey in the spring and all- I miss the gym!!! Need a good spinning workout VERY SOON!!!

Easter this weekend, so dinner with the family in the afternoon and I will attempt to bring Sarah to church for the first time.... she has been going to Sunday school- which is held at our church during mass time, which is so smart and so great! We shall see how that goes!

I could blab on, but I hear the closing credits music on the television and need to get the kids up and about...

what to do....

2010-03-05T07:12:00.005-05:00

I have been meaning to grow up. What I mean by that is, to figure out what I want to be when I grow up... then I realize I am 35 and should be a grown up by now, right? I have found out that I love being pregnant and love the baby thing, but Octomom- I am not! We have our 2 children and Hubby has decided that is enough. Ok, so what else am I good at? I am obsessed with nutrition ever since the kids were born, even more when I found out all their little food allergies and asthma. I know how good and full of energy I feel when I eat right and don't self medicate with food. I get so upset when I see entire families that either don't know how to take care of themselves, or just don't care to. I see how powerful exercise is in my own life and mental state (questionable at times), and how important it is for my kids to get moving ALOT!

So I throw it out to the world..I have been meaning to study all the personal training stuff and get that certification..have all the stuff. I love reading any nutrition or fitness book that I can get my hands on. There ya go. The answer.

muscles!!!!!

keeping up with the delusion

2010-03-03T15:07:00.003-05:00

I don't "not blog" on purpose, life just gets in the way. A beautiful life it is. But as they say- just not enough time in the day.

2 little ones. Preschool. Momma's gym time. Momma would like to study for her personal trainer cert and also find an online accredited school to start studying nutrition. A house (which we are so blessed with ). But, one must clean that house and cook the food (the food which no one seems to like the same things, and then you throw in some food allergies and supertasters and cooking is not as much fun as it used to be!) Hubby (who doesn't get more than a ham sandwich and a smile in the morning sometimes). Then I find a moment to get online...yes I can blog! First there's Facebook, then I log onto Weight Watchers (which I would say is for "research", but I actually find solace there....) Then I try to shoot out some Creative Memories emails. By the time I get to Blogger, I am needed elsewhere.

So I will try to keep up - for my sanity, and for my Grandmothers' enjoyment.

2010-01-06T07:50:00.002-05:00

It gets very frustrating sometimes when you work out super hard but you know damn well that ya need to clean up your diet even more. Frustrating because I know what needs to be done, but put a nice plate of cookies in front of me and I can't resist. I know, I know - MODERATION. That of course is the key here. But sometimes, when the kids are napping, the house is quiet and ya just want to let loose- like on a plate of cookies or leftover treats. Who wants to clean? Not really my favorite thing to do lately. Fold laundry- seriously, who really enjoys that?

UGH! Back to reality and finding my own little motivating factor.

The Year's Final Bow

2009-12-31T15:21:00.003-05:00

A new year always brings on the urge to organize and makes things nice again. I know that my spice-cabinet in the kitchen and bathroom closet are areas that desperately need attention. My latest scrapbook project was to take many, many photos from Thanksgiving all the way to New Year's Day. I included pics of the cookies I baked, along with copies of the recipes. All the holiday memories I want to wrap up and save for the kids.

Then there is the resolutions. Most people want to lose weight or just committ to working out. I hope that most of them stick to it. It is hard to do the things that we know we need to, like eat healthy and make the time to exercise. Or write in our blog. Or count to ten when we are frustrated with our children instead of just yelling all the time. Enough said.

May all your dreams come true in the new year and beyond.....

G

Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T10:59:00.003-05:00

Christmas Eve. It's here. I remember this day being even more magical than the actual Christmas for me. We would go to my grandparents house for dinner and gifts. Family time was always awesome. My cool aunt D. My grandmother, who even know is so dear to me. My grandpa, who we especially miss at Christmastime because this was his holiday.
The most special and amazing part of the night for me was when we packed up in the car to head home. Cold air, snuggling in the backseat with my sister and brothers, basically because at that moment we were just too tired to fight with each other. Each of us holding a new and precious toy. It would be so quiet, the night air, low music on the radio, maybe even my parents talking softly about something. I would stare out the car window, hoping, anxious, excited to possibly catch a glimpse of Santa and his reindeer. The whole ride home I would just look and wait, that excitement building as we got closer and closer to our house. The thought that he was out there somewhere, and the possibility of seeing him just a moment was so awesome.

I never did get to see then, but I still love that ride home on Christmas Eve, now from my in-laws' home with my own kids. I hope I can get them as excited about those simple things tonight.

Merry Christmas and I hope that you catch a glimpse of Santa too!

25th is almost here!

2009-12-21T08:17:00.003-05:00

Snow is amazing, isn't it? Fluffy, quiet, calm. The kids have had a blast outside the past few days, although I have to admit my body doesn't seem to enjoy the cold anymore. My fingers are numb instantly, my nose starts to drip. I am so glad that Hubby is so great about it all - he is the "outside guy" and the kids have a blast with him! My job is to make the hot cocoa (with soy milk of course due to Sarah's milk allergy!)I do have to say that it does feel a little more like Christmas time now!

I have simplified the holiday a bit this year. I usually make tons of different types of cookies for gifts, and this year I decided on only a few. It makes a so much easier to see what extra ingredients I need, and I can also tack on a copy of the recipes too!

Have some last minute stuff to do today, but it's all coming together. Keep it simple.

first snow fall - Dec. 09

2009-12-19T07:40:00.003-05:00

A snowstorm moves in today- excitement is in the air! Kids are ready to go out and play (at 6:30 in the morning!) and I am so excited for some great photo opps with it all!
I have so many things I can do- bake more cookies, wrap some presents... sit online. But all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch the tree lights glisten as the snow falls.

more to come later!

christmas wish for summer

2009-12-15T09:10:00.000-05:00

missing the summer already....

Smiling through imperfection

2009-12-15T08:16:00.003-05:00

Watching people that surround me I see so much of this "I have to do it all and know what I am doing" mentality. Having kids is not easy, and yet, we want everyone around us to think that we actually know what the hell we are doing. Well I don't.

I forget dry pants for my pottytraining boy.
I forget my highly allergic daughter's Benadryl.
I forget sippy cups and snack bars.
I sometimes don't get them outside play time.
I hate thinking about dinner and what to make because no one eats the same thing and it is more torture than fun anymore. I used to enjoy cooking, but not so much anymore.
I stress about the fact that the house doesn't ever look "neat" anymore. Please just ignore the dustbunnies, they have apparently moved in permanently. Yeah, I wipe down the kitchen and bathroom so that guests don't get too grossed out, but don't enter my closet....ever. I have perfected a skill I call "piling". I can pile anything- laundry (dirty or clean), papers (useful or not), and toys (broken or completely dilapidated).

So here I am today to say I don't have it all together, my family will most likely eat leftovers tonight, and my laundry will never be done. But, it is 8:23am, the kids have been up since 5 o'clock and I haven't yelled once yet today. We have had approximately 1000 Cheerios covering the floor. We have lost an entire roll of paper towels scattered around the house because JR wanted the cardboard tube. Smiles all around and it's all good.

getting back to me

2009-11-11T14:01:00.004-05:00

I finally made it to the doctor's office on Monday, and yes, I have had bronchitis for about 4 weeks now. I thought I had a handle on it, but alas, I was severely wrong! I had taken some major time off from the gym due to my not feeling well, I was grabbing for Hubby's asthma inhaler, and I couldn't shake this cough. So I suck it up- go to the doctor- take the meds (truthfully- I take the antibiotics, but the cough syrup with codiene apparantly made me stoned and sick to my stomach, so I will take a pass on that one.) Feeling better now.

So now I get back to the gym today and meet up with a new trainer because my beloved trainer has moved onto to different things.... It was cool. a kick in the ass that I needed. It just brings me back to the fact that I am not very good with goal setting and that procrastination seems to be a favored art form for me. I think if I did not go into actual labor with my children, I quite possibly might have put off giving birth to them.

Goals= need to be HIGH and INSPIRING
Need to get rid of the self doubt so that I do not unwittingly pass this on to my children
Must get out of my little box and step into something so out of the ordinary for me
Want to AMAZE myself as well as my support system (family and friends)

Working on a list for the coming months of the things I WILL achieve.....

lesson of the day

2009-10-23T07:16:00.002-04:00

I'm not a big "medicine" person. When illness strikes, that is. I do not run off to the doctor the second the kids start coughing, as I know the routine with their asthma. I do not throw various pills into my body when I start to feel stuffy or achy. But this week was different. I had felt as if a bus ran me over, then backed up and ran me over again. I was coughing so hard I think I pulled a muscle in my neck. The other night I handed the kiddies over to Hubby and said- "they are all yours" and went off to bed at 6pm. It was bad.
So yesterday I called my doctor who gladly took me in later that morning. She confirmed that momma was sick.

Trying so hard lately to see blessings in everyday experiences, I found it, even in my coughing fits and fever..... in the midst of doing a breathing treatment- something my kids do on a daily basis for their asthma- I started to feel anxious and jumpy, just not right. When I was finished, I realized it was the meds and understood in that moment how they felt, and most likely, why they both give my such a hard time when it is time to do their meds. At this point we know it's not something that they can stop, as breathing tends to be pretty important. I think though, that I can try to be a little more understanding when coaxing them at breathing treatment time, and thereafter when the effects of the meds are pretty strong.
It truly amazes me, at 35, that there is still a lesson to be learned each and every day.

just a letter

2009-10-20T12:08:00.003-04:00

Sarah and JR:

Too many days to count have I complained, yelled, felt over-anxious and just plain forgot the real reason I wanted to be a Mom.
I have overreacted, yelled at both of you for things that really didn't warrant yelling or anger at all.
What blessings you are to have come through me in to this world, to have allowed me to teach and guide you.

I worry if I teach the wrong things by my own actions.
I wonder in 30 years if you will be able to look back and smile, or just shake your head thinking about your crazy momma.

I took a breathe today, a long one, and in it I promised to be more aware of reactions and overreactions. I promised to smile and no matter what, take each moment to teach, rather than talk down or berate you.

Love,
Delusional Momma

security breach

2009-10-02T07:34:00.003-04:00

As usual when I went to bed last night I asked Hubby if he turned on the alarm. He said yes, I went to sleep. Around 1am little JR came running into our bed, scaring the daylights out of me. I got him settled into our bed and then could not sleep. I had a dream just previous to this that someone came into a window and took Sarah. Now I am freaked AND cannot sleep. I got up checked on Sarah, and noticed that no, the alarm was NOT on, so I turned it on.
3:30am the phone rings, I wait a second, always knowing that a phone call in the middle of the night cannot be good news, then I look at the caller-ID- it says ADT Security. freaking out......
I pick it up and the young man proceeds to calm me down and tell me something about a security issue with a smoke alarm- I look at the box and it says it needs batteries. He says to make sure there is no smoke anywhere just to be sure. There is not. So, he says to change the batteries and the alarm signal will stop. Now we notice the BEEPING from the system to warn of the low battery. Now JR is wide awake. Hubby goes to change the batteries and of course they are the weirdest size and we don't have any. ok, now I have to listen to this beeping ALL NIGHT.
I reset the alarm and try to go to bed, (check on Sarah again.....)

The phone rings, someone else from ADT, asking Hubby is he knows there is a problem with the smoke alarm.... he tells her yes- we just talked to someone- no batteries in the house- change em tomorrow.......can she shut off the smoke alarm portion..good.

We get settled again, my heart is racing- oh, in the meantime JR has to go potty and since we are working on pottytraining I have to give him his 2 M&M's as a reward for going on the potty- even at 3:30 in the morning. Ok, heart is still racing- it is so cold- the kid won't sleep....

finally! He falls asleep and before I know it 5am rolls around and in comes Sarah- safe and sound- and I no longer think about how little sleep I have had or how my heart had practically beat out of my chest- I think about lucky I am to have this family, and pretty glad I know that ADT is looking out for us.

here we go...

2009-10-01T07:26:00.003-04:00

I am so excited today! Not just mildly excited, but young school girl super excited! I recently decided to take a leap and try something I have been thinking about for a while- I signed up to be a Consultant for Creative Memories. I adore scrapbooking, and with two little ones running around I have found this strange, yet peaceful thing I can do to help me get through my worst days- SCRAPBOOKING.

On days where I feel no purpose, the kids are screaming, no one is listening and I just need a little escape, I can run down into my little space- or even on the dining room table and pull out whatever project I happen to be working on- right now it is a Gratitude Book. Baby pictures of the kids, a photo of Hubby and I at a Nascar Race, a beautiful flower from my spring garden- taking these memories and sitting with them for just a few moments can snap you back into reality and remember what life is really about.

This is what I hope to share with someone else. With EVERYONE.

I have planned a Get Together at my home on Sunday and really want to share what I have learned with my loved ones, as well as see what else I can learn myself.

questions

2009-09-18T08:05:00.002-04:00

I just have 2 questions today that terrorize me daily and keep me up at night:

why is there more grey hair where your hair parts than anywhere else on your head?
what about talking on the phone persuades children to start screaming and yelling and needing you right away once you have received or made a phone call?

take a moment

2009-09-12T07:05:00.002-04:00

This week has passed by like a blur... my Sarah has begun preschool, little JR moved up from the "baby" car seat to the booster seat... too much too fast. Where did all the babies go?
Speaking on preschool- now the money troubles really begin- so much money now leaving our little hands- tuition, clothes, fundraisers (already??), dance class- and that's just Sarah!!
I tried selling Avon to help out with the rising expenses around here, and although I keep my account active with them, I find that people are not splurging on themselves like they used to. I am excited to say that I signed up with Creative Memories, a scrapbooking supply company, to be an Independent Consultant. I am really looking forward to getting my start-up package in the mail this week!! I love scrapbooking and can see me pushing forward more with something I love, love, LOVE to do! Also need to catch up with my reading on the Personal Trainer cert that I would really love to obtain!! I always have such high hopes and just pile it all on too thick!

Dentist appt today, parties- so much to do!

scream if you got 'em

2009-08-18T07:34:00.005-04:00

Recently I bumped into a neighbor at the local Costco. We always chit-chat for a moment and after our "how-are-yous" he informed me that some of the "neighbors" were wondering what was going on in my backyard with all the screaming that was going on. "I just wanted to let you know" he said. I walked away perplexed, Sarah is certainly a screamer, especially in the pool, or if you chase her, or any kind of vigorous play. Isn't that the whole idea of the "inside voice" thing? Am I supposed to squelch her EXTREMELY high energy outside too??

For the past 10 years Hubby and I have had to listen to all the neighborhood children- laughing and screaming. Jumping on trampolines, pool parties, AND this particular neighbor's LOUD MUSIC. I remember Hubby and I being slightly annoyed at it all, before we had kids. Now we understand a little more.

So, I stew and simmer and worry about what everyone else is thinking... Are the neighbors annoyed with my children's play? Is it rude of me to allow her to express her excitement? We are even trying the whole "use you play voice" thing, I really get that the screaming is annoying, but there is only so much I can do- there are so many other things to worry about here.

When all is said and done, yeah, my kids are loud and active, but they are happy and healthy. At 35 years old, I think I can distinguish between rude behaviour and kids having fun. And also, I do wonder, what is THEIR screaming he was talking about, or was it MINE???

momma needs some $$

2009-08-17T06:57:00.002-04:00

When Hubby and I started our little family a few years ago, I became the Stay-At-Home-Momma. We chose this because we both had that experience as children and wanted to give the same to our family. Now, as Sarah is almost 5 years old and entering pre-school, we are already entering the realm of Kids-Cost-A-Lot-Of-Moola- dance school, preschool, the necessary clothes and school items. Wow!!! It blows my mind how fast the cash can slip through your fingers, actually, we don't even see it- it goes right to Am-Ex. So now, Momma would really like to find a way to contribute to the family funds without totally upsetting the household. What's a girl to do?
I did start selling Avon, and I love,love,love their stuff, but in today's economy not everyone is splurging on themselves like they did 10 years ago. I will continue as a rep. to maintain my discount and perhaps sell to anyone who asks. Besides, I am much more passionate about the fact that people need to take care of themselves healthwise- nutrition, exercise- then your skin truly glows, that is the key. So I stumbles onto something here- passion. To truly do well with something, you should be passionate about it. So what do I love? I love to learn about nutrition and workouts- I even got the books to study for Personal Trainer Certification quite a while ago, but as it does, life got in the way and I have yet to finish that. But now, what could I do now to make some money? I love scrapbooking, cardmaking, all that paper-crafty stuff. I ran into a really nice woman at the gym who sells http://www.creativememories.com/. It's a direct sales company, like your Pampered Chef or Avon and you hold "Get Togethers" to introduce people to the products, which range from papers and scrapbook, to a computer program for people who like digital scrapbooking. They even have pre-made books where you just pop in the picture and the rest is done for you for those who like the crafty look, but don't scrapbook themselves.

This really interests me since this is definately a passion of mine. I am looking online to compare any of the other similar type companies that are out there to make sure this is the one I want to jump into. So much fun!! I wonder, how much money could I make? right now, I am looking to cover the extra expenses from pre-school and dance school, that would be key, so we are looking at a little over $300/month. If this is doable, then I am so in!

Any other ideas, let me know!!

$$$$

2009-07-24T08:04:00.003-04:00

When he told me the amount I had charged on the credit card last month I wanted to die. I started to sweat, got a little dizzy, then started to well up with the defensive attitude that my parents will most likely remember from my teenage years. Hubby was just stating facts, no pointed fingers, no blame, just facts, because that is exactly what my sweet man does. After my little tantrum, I apologized and just sat with it for a while. how did a girl, who grew up on next to nothing, the eldest of six children, turn into this money-spending-momma? It's certainly not big ticket items. It's the 4 trips to the food store, or Costco or Target. It's the Health Food Store and the craft store. It's Dunkin Donuts. It's everyday living.

When we had our babies a few years back, I swore I wouldn't spoil them. Boy was I wrong! Hand me down toys from older family members, dollar store gagdgets each week, they have all filled 2 bedrooms and a basement toy room! Now that the kids are a little older and are no longer watching the toddler-commercial-free tv channel, it's all about the toys and commercials and " we want that !!!"

So here I am, searching online through "pay us first" scams and jobs that I most likely have no training for, hoping that I can find that magical thing that will save me. I scan my brain for what I like to do, what I am capable of doing, and am just so confused by it all. As I am surrounded by a mountain of toys that no one seems to ever want to play with, or clean up for that matter, I have a wonderful idea - garage sale !!!

procrastinating- sometimes it does help!!

2009-07-13T20:53:00.002-04:00

So yesterday I remembered about my neighbor who had a baby boy 3 weeks ago. I remembered that I had a gift for the newbie, plus her 2 year old daughter, and it was all downstairs on my craft table in the basement. I threw a load of laundry in the washer, ran the dishwasher and headed downstairs to make a card and wrap the gifts so that the kiddies and I could run them over.

Sitting there at my little paper-craft sanctuary, I quickly made some cards and threw everything into some little gift bags. Easy enough, didn't know why on earth I had been putting it off for 3 weeks !

I grabbed the bags and headed upstairs, yelling to the kids to get their shoes on. Funny, as I'm walking past Hubby's pool very nice pool table I hear the sound of water trickling, but it's definately not in a pipe. I throw down the gifts SCREAM for Hubby to come down NOW! (I still don't know what he could have been thinking when I screamed the way I did.) Just as he came down we started to see water soaking into the drop ceiling tiles HOLY SHIT! Yeah, sorry to my grandmothers, really no other expression can even fit here!!

Grabbing towels and buckets and waste baskets we try to stop the disaster that could have destroyed the pool table (which, by the way has probably been used 3 times since the kids were born!) In the end, Hubby saved the day, the pool table, and has ordered a part for the dishwasher. Ya gotta love a handyman! But the real crazy part of the story is that if I had not have procrastinated about the whole gift wrapping thing, I might never have been downstairs when it all went down and we could have possibly had a much worse situation on our hands. So I know that the next time Hubby gets on my case about putting something off, I will remind him that my subtle laziness truly saved his baby, the Olhausen.

watch

2009-07-05T08:47:00.002-04:00

Looking out over the bay. The water, family, the cool breeze. Such an awesome 4th of July for the kids.... they only missed the fireworks. After a long day in the sun they fell asleep and would not wake up!

Right now I'm watching them play "tea party" and it's one of those moments that I just soak in and smile.... giggling, playing nice, JR's little voice, Sarah being the big sis and helping him out.

Sometimes I get so caught up in the daily things, trying to keep peace and order, that I forget to just sit and watch them. The innocence, the imagination, the simple pleasures.

so today, I just sit and watch and learn from them.....

wondering

2009-07-01T18:39:00.002-04:00

Both of my grandmother's noted that I hadn't blogged in a while. It's hard to admit, even today, that I have such darn trouble balancing things. I'm home with 2 small kids, what is the problem here? I seem to have trouble not working on trying to sell Avon, even though I thoroughly adore it. I have trouble keeping the house clean, even though we are in the middle of remodeling our master bath and it seems as if various face creams, tampons, and towels have overtaken the rest of the house. I have trouble maintaining a Gluten-Free diet, even though when I eat the G-Stuff (like the brownies I just picked on...) I end up extremely bloated, doubled over sick to my stomach and irritable. I miss my friends, who I don't get to speak to often enough. I love my husband, even though he only hears me sounding irritated and angry when he calls during the work day. I love my kids, even though I probably yell more than I should.

Is it just me? When I talk to other momma's they all seem to have the same problems. Do we just have to much time to complain since we now have dishwashers and washer/dryer combos? How is it that the laundry piles up, even though I don't have to take it outside and wash and dry it by hand? And the kids? Is it too much TV, DVD's and computer games that has taught them NOT to keep themselves busy with simple toys like dolls and blocks?

I wonder if it really was easier 40 years ago......

dancing days

2009-06-07T08:40:00.003-04:00

Another amazing night courtesy of a child. Many children actually. Last night was Sarah's dance recital and I had offered to volunteer and help out with the kids. A big room full of 3, 4 and 5 year olds!! AHH! yeah, but so much fun to enjoy time with Sarah and her friends. I got to take pictures for myself and the other moms and I got to see the joy in all their faces right before they went on stage- PRICELESS!! As a "scrapbooker" I see all these memory moments just as a scrapbook page!! So very inspiring for me!

The kids did well with all the waiting around they had to do, and the night ended with aching feet (mine) and hungry bellies.

All is good.

Be the change...

2009-06-01T09:38:00.003-04:00

Hubby and I found ourselves having an awesome time yesterday at the Dover Nascar Race- despite the rainy morning, then the hot sun. Really fun time, really good race. As we walked around though, I was alarmed at what I was seeing - mostly everyone was overweight. Not just everyone-comes-in-different-sizes-large, but seriously-too-many-extra-value-meals-pregnant-bloated-belly-large. It really made me sad and I swore that we need to do something, this is terrible, blah blah blah. Then Hubby looked at me and said "G, you can only change yourself, not everyone else" and it stuck. He always has a way of kicking me in the seat and getting me to move in the right direction. I am not always happy with what he says, or how he says it, but it is truly always what I need to hear (I can feel him smirking now....)

So I made the decision that I can make the change, but, it does start with me. One of my favorite quotes, from Ghandi is- BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. At least in my world I do not want to see my kids running around with a cheesesteak in one hand and a 52 ounce soda in the other. As for Hubby, I need to keep moving forward, way forward so that he has to work hard to keep up. Will it change the world? I know it will change mine.

So, instead of complaining about something today- do something to change it.

garden life

2009-05-27T13:14:00.003-04:00

In order for most of my garden things to grow I have to really pay attention - every day. Water, I usually forget, especially on the really hot days. Miracle Grow, well, just recently did I find that it really helps your flowers when you feed them the right things. What about sunlight? Some need it, alot. Some, not so much.

So it is with the kids. I see that "feeding" them with praise really does a hell of a lot more good than just picking out what is wrong. Preparing them before you go out with the rules and expectations helps them know the boundaries. Taking the time every day to have some special moment with them reminds me so much of why we chose to have a family, as opposed to clicking on the tv and expecting them to figure their way through the day on their own.

Self improvement books? Certainly don't need them anymore - kids are the perfect mirror for all your ill behaviors. Sarah's freak outs when she doesn't get her way -totally me. JR's stubborness- yeah, I'll take credit for that too. Really makes you take a look at yourself and fix some little things before jumping all over them about it. I mean, they do learn as we do, and Hubby and I are definately learning as we go.

so for now, we'll water and feed the garden, and patiently wait for our little family to bloom.

thank you

2009-05-23T11:40:00.002-04:00

http://www.ace-clipart.com/american-flag-clipart-01.html

Thank you to the bravest,

the strongest,

the determined.

Thank you to my grandfathers and yours'.

To my brothers, and yours.

Thank you to the men & women who serve our country now and then.

being grateful

2009-05-20T17:57:00.001-04:00

Then you rose into my life
Like a promised sunrise.
Brightening my days with the light in your eyes.
I've never been so strong,
Now I'm where I belong.

Maya Angelou

laundry list

2009-05-19T07:39:00.003-04:00

I imagine if I got off the computer once in while, the laundry would not pile up this way...

Anyone up for a folding party??????

circles

2009-05-18T13:31:00.002-04:00

We have begun a small project around the house, well, it's Hubby's project and it's really not that small- our bathroom! We have decided to take out the Whirlpool bathtub and install a custom large size shower. The current shower stall is very small and we will then convert that into a closet - YAY! a closet! Sarah and I went out food shopping last night, so the "boys" were working in the bathroom. JR was playing with one of those flat construction pencils and Hubby let him draw all over the plywood with it. He apparently had ALOT of fun with the pencil, because then he snuck out of the bathroom and drew ALL OVER my bedroom walls, closet door, and then the hallway.

This morning I asked him about it, and said "JR, what did you do with Daddy's pencil?" He looked at me, smiled, and said " I draw CIRCLES!!" Yes he did. many, many, circles....

The B....word

2009-05-02T13:40:00.003-04:00

I have never been comfortable "forcing" the kids to eat. Each night I do place some sort of veggie on their plate only to have JR ignore it's presence and for Sweet Sarah to scream and cry that it is even on their plate. Never did I make them even take a bite. Last night both kids were just torturing us through dinner - refusing to eat anything, yelling to watch Spongebob, not sitting, being kids really. Hubby was great, Sarah whined and screamed and was immediately sent to her room. He sat patiently with JR and got him to eat his food. After a while, Sarah swore she would come out and eat everything, so we then sat her at the table. "no broccoli though", she mumbled. Back to her room she went. Finally she realized that this was no joke and she must have been hungry. She came back into the kitchen, ate her chicken and rice. I prodded her to try to very small (and I mean small!) piece of broccoli that was still sitting on her plate. "I don't like it, yuck, I'll puke...." on and on she went. Finally she saw there was no way out- I told her to put it in her mouth, chew it 3 times, then take a big swig of her soy milk. She did and after a small gag (self inflicted of course) she was fine- she even smiled at me.

About 10 minutes later while cleaning her room, as Hubby and I took a deep breath from the temper tantrums and screaming that we just dealt with, Sarah peaked her little head out of her room and said "Hey Mom, that broccoli was really good, can I have more tommorrow??"

I sware. Oh, and then she asked if her Aunt was making some broccoli for the party we are going to today. After all that....

take a step back...

2009-05-01T12:40:00.003-04:00

I know this might sound a bit crazy coming from someone who is the oldest of six children, but I really did not know how hard raising kids was. seriously. They soak in every little thing they see - what they watch on television, how they see other kids interact at the park, and yes, their own parents. Ugh! Now I have to grow up- stop cursing, curb my temper and bite my tongue before I say something completely innappropriate in my own house? I thought "good kids", you know, the ones that are sweet and nice and polite, were just born that way- so I really do have something to do with all this, huh?

When I see my little girl behave like a monster I cringe, "what are those other people thinking?" But when I really look at it, it's as if I am looking into a carnival mirror directing only my worst traits back at me. Impatience, negativity, a snarl, and a condescending tone, and I say to her "what is your problem- where did this come from ?" I take a D-E-E-P breath and realize exactly where it came from - ME!

In trying to be "effective" as a parent, I forgot to just be a parent. The whole loving part. Being in the moment and enjoying the whole journey, for this is in fact, our shared portion of the whole trip. Sooner than I will care to admit they will be on their own, at school, out with friends, making their own mark on the world. What is it I really want them to see and learn? Kindness, helping others, making someone else's life better. Am I reflecting these things when I yell back or find it more important to stand my ground and show 'em "whose the boss"? Maybe I could step back a little and let them start to make some small choices around here, chill out and just show them by example how to be a better person. I guess it really does start with one person....

TO DO or NOT TO DO...

2009-04-20T16:14:00.004-04:00

My TO DO's has grown and grown and I seem to be lost on where to begin:

Plan JR's 3rd birthday party- (yeah, this Sunday!)
Stop eating ice cream EVERY DAY!
Figure out when to potty train the little guy..
Also figure out how to get him off the binky (pacifier)
Clean out my closet
Iron hubby's stuff that has been sitting in a pile for weeks
Stop thinking about ice cream EVERY DAY!
Call Donna (thinking about you girl!!)
Call Dana (yes, would love to go to lunch on Fri!)
Smile at hubby (I think I was snarling when he left this morning..)
Stop buying ice cream, even when it is on sale!
Buy some new workout clothes, current stuff is actually getting to loose and distracting when I am at the gym.
Plan computer during the day and stick to a schedule, so I am not mindlessly Tweeting and blogging and FB all day....
Hug my kids, because even though they probably think I am the Mommy-Monster and the crankiest chick in town, I love them and certainly their hugs are the best part of the day!!!

Off to hug the cuties!

no yelling by 12pm...

2009-04-15T11:43:00.004-04:00

Life always seems to throw in it's two sense just when you think you have it all figured out. Here I was, working out, eating great - gluten-free definately seems the way to go for me! I was feeling good and taking care of myself and I really felt like I was moving forward. I even felt a little bit more patience with the kiddies (yes, I hear Hubby chuckling at that one!) Anyhoo, I had it down pat. Then, both kids came down with that stomach-puking-and-coming-out-the-other-end thing, as well as dear Hubby getting sick too. I think I have never done so much laundry EVER, and that is just what needed to be done right away! I am still catching up with everything else. So, no gym for momma for a week, no trainer, no planned meals - just eating on the run, or from running from sick child to sick child, then to laundry room. As I hit the gym today, my awesome trainer Francine noticed I was not hitting it as hard as I could. Normally when I get to "that point", the point where I would probably stop on my own, but have her to help me push through, I usually start to laugh a little nervous laughter. Today, I wanted to cry and throw up. So strange the way our bodies deal with stress. Afterward, I felt that "I needed that!" goodness and can now go on with the rest of the day feeling that I accomplished something.

And no, I didn't puke.

Crying on the other hand will probably come later tonight when I can finally settle in and just gather my thoughts. Parenting, really putting them first can be tiring. And duh! why shouldn't it be? Sometimes though, I wonder if I am cut out for this - 4 year old Sarah hits her brother (3 yrs old), I tell her to go to her room to cool down - she shouts "NNNOOO!!" and then tells me to go to my room!! I walk over and tell her that she will spend longer in there if I have to carry her
there myself. She yells, but goes. She continues to scream while in her room for 15 minutes, then asks if she can come out. I politely tell her that her "Time Out" has not yet begun, that the timer will be set when she cools down first. Do you think she liked this? She yelled and screamed and I called Hubby for some backup- am I doing something wrong? I am trying not to yell or REACT. She needs to learn that people will listen when she is calm and not yelling. He assures me that this seems to be a better way than the Yell-First-Ask-Later route I usually take. Eventually, she did calm down and I went into her room, gave her hug and told her she could come out.

The thing is, do they learn? Or, is this a dance that we will do for how many more years to come?
As for right now, she tired herself out into a nap and I can watch my this morning's recorded episode of "The View".

another sick day

2009-04-08T09:04:00.003-04:00

I found a minute to jump in the shower. Thank goodness for that! I even shaved my legs and will slap some make-up on in a few. I know, home with 2 sick kids, why the make-up? Listen, you never know when the Maytag man will show up (although, that would be really strange since there is nary a Maytag appliance in our home...) Yet, if he were to show up, I'd at least look human. Kids are napping for a while and Sarah finally believes me now that if she takes another sip of Gatorade it will come right back up.

As for the momma-work-in-progress I have noticed a major good change in me- normally when the kids are sick and I feel stressed, I EAT. I mean EAT ALL DAY LONG! I feel now though that it is important to take better care of myself in order to take better care of them, the little ones and the Hubby. I have been keeping track of what I eat, and when I eat certain food (wheat, gluten) how I feel and it's always the same- itching throat, sinus congestion, stomach ache a few hours later, but the thing I notice the most is my mood. I had this big, GIGANTIC muffin yesterday and I immediately felt fogginess in my head and very, very irritable (yes Hubby, more than normal!). Knowing this really helps me make better decisions on what and when I eat. Later this month I have an appointment for allergy testing since I want to get to the bottom of it in case there is something that needs to be checked with the kids. But even if no test shows a gluten intolerance or allergy, I believe it IS important to listen to your body- it certainly knows best. (now as for the pizza and wine last night, let's just think of that as medication!!)

that's a man for ya!

2009-04-07T17:04:00.002-04:00

It has been 20 minutes since my last post. Do you know what can happen in 20 minutes? Well my little girl has gotten sick, again. I cleaned that up and then noticed JR still playing the Leapster on the couch. Funny, he doesn't usually lay on his belly to play? Then I smelled it. The overwhelming diaper smell. Ok yeah, he is 3 and still in diapers. We'll talk about that another day. So I don't even need to check his diaper because it is all up his back, on his pants, his shirt, everywhere. Everywhere but the couch. I have to give him credit, since in his video game induced stupor, by rolling over and not wanting to sit in his mess, he saved my couch from a major, major stain. thank you son for being a man.

Now I need a vacation. I called Hubby, ordered a pizza and opened a bottle of wine. A good wine. Here's to momma's all around the world. The puke cleaners, the poop wipers, all of it.

And now to my dear trainer, you can certainly kick my ass majorly when I finally break free and see you later this week...

Salud!!

help

2009-04-07T16:33:00.003-04:00

Here we go again! JR had a stomach-puking thing going on for a few days and now sweet Sarah has it. I never knew that when I had children that the color and content of their vomit would be such an issue. oh my god- is that blood? oh no, just a blueberry from her muffin this morning. Really, and now I sware I am starting to feel queasy myself. I'm not sure if it's in my head or if Hubby is gonna be holding my hair back later while I yack into the toilet. uh oh- flashback of the good ole days! But then, those episodes were completely self-induced by overindulgence of gin & tonics and way too many buffalo wings.

And yes, what a great mom I am. Running down the stairs to blog, wiping the handrail with disinfecting wipes as I trotted my little way of "getting out of the house", praying that Hubby will allow me to go out to the gym to cardio my ass away. I am listening for the sick sounds upstairs, but at the same time googling "gluten-free recipes" for myself. Thank goodness the Leapster keeps JR busy, so I guess you would call this a break for today. Until I hear the moaning and yelling for "Mommeeeee!", then it's back to work. Oh, and I suppose I should plan something for dinner too. Leftovers sound very nice right about now.

health and good choices

2009-04-03T10:21:00.002-04:00

We lose people we love.
We lose time by complaining or remaining inactive.
Too much loss for one girl to handle.

My recent enlightenment on my own health and well-being is definately what is first on my mind lately. I wake up and feel great. I know that the choices I make will make it a great day, or a crappy day. I know this, we all know this. Sometimes we choose to make the decisions that hurt us, usually out of habit or comfort. But when we step up and make the choice to put ourselves first, not in the "I deserve the damn ice cream" sense, but in the " I deserve to live a full and healthy life" sense, then it is a win-win situation. I have a great day without migraines or stomach troubles. I have energy. My kids get a mom with more patience and love to go around, and last for the entire day. Hubby gets, well, he gets some good momma. Everyone's happy all around.

What has been the change? Well I came to find out with some dietary changes that it is either wheat or gluten that affects my body in a very bad way. I am not a doctor and would tell anyone who thinks they might have a problem to always see their doctor first. I made some apppointments in order to pinpoint the cause, the first starting with an actual allergy. Then we'll move on from there. So the kids and I stopped by the health food store to pick up a few items to make some waffles tomorrow that we can all enjoy. Excited! Yes, excited to enjoy food without always complaining how sick I feel. Yeah, I'll miss the beer, but hey, I can handle some fun times with a gin and tonic or a nice bottle of wine!

*make the choice to see the brighter side of things each and every day!!!!!*

bye bye cranky momma!

2009-03-31T14:51:00.003-04:00

I have really been working on "me" for the past 3 weeks. I have been working out hardcore with a trainer and really fine-tuning my diet. I have come to realize that feeling like crap all the time is not ok or normal in any way. I took wheat out for a few days and when I had some donuts today- holy moly! My mouth got all itchy and a little while later my stomach ached and my shoulders and neck were so tense. My body felt- attacked. I have to face the facts now. I made an appointment with the allergist for next month as my first step. I figure I'll start with allergy testing first, since I seem to be ok with oatmeal it may not be a "gluten" thing, but an actual wheat allergy. This sucks, but, this is so not bad. I can live with this. I can still eat ice cream! The fact that I have not had one of those terrible headaches I usually get routinely tells me that something is definately up.

This time I have been taking for me is reminding me that in order to be the best mom and role model to Sarah and JR I need to take care of myself- this is NOT selfish. Besides, who wants a cranky old momma with a headache all the time?

balance

2009-03-29T08:49:00.002-04:00

Balancing act- that's what it feels like these days. Trying to get my Avon business up and running, JR's asthma, Sarah's milk allergy, working out with a trainer and really taking care of myself. Ah- what is missing? Hubby. I know it's sort of a shock lately for him. Me, eating gluten-free, working out hard when I can. Focusing on me. NOT eating ice cream every night. I know that change can be difficult. This is hard for me. But I stop and think about my family and how I am always feeling like crap. My daughter needs to see a good example in me. My son needs extra care. My hubby, even though he doesn't verbalize it does need a happier and healthier me. So they are my muses, the ones I seek inspiration from.

here we go, another day

take a deep breath...

2009-03-22T08:43:00.003-04:00

I have stick in a serious circle of frustration-&-anger. The kind that is most difficult to break free. Sick kids, hubby away, mounting cleaning-laundry-forever-cleaning-the-kitchen. Overwhelmed I guess would really be the best way to describe it. Then the kids act up and I just start right away with the yelling. Doesn't get any better that way does it?

This morning I woke up and promised myself no reacting, just deal with things calmly as they arise. I created the mess around me by putting off certain cleaning (like the laundry and dining rooms). Now I need to take care of business. Even if it sucks, because I am the grown up here and that's what I need to do.

toy hammers and toilets

2009-03-21T06:59:00.003-04:00

I took away all the toy hammers. Really I did, quite a while ago. Because what would any normal stocky little 3 year old boy do with them? That's right, bang the walls and tv really really hard with them. Of course. Isn't that what they are for anyway? So, to my surprise as I was doing my own business in the bathroom, the kids playing nicely (so it seemed), I heard this loud, insane banging sound from the wall behind me. "stop JR", I say loud enough to be heard through the wall but not yet a yell. The banging continues, with giggling surrounding it. See, he knew he got me. I couldn't do anything from my current position. "STOP JR", I say louder, ok, I yelled. Really loud. Trying hard to finish what I'm doing, yelling at a child who is laughing at me and banging his hammer even harder now. What's a girl to do?

Hubby is away for a few days and my stress level has been maintained at "elevated". I even woke up this morning, looked in the mirror with a forced smile and said "This is a new day, we are going to have a great day!!" That lasted an entire 45 minutes until the hammer-mom-stuck-on-the-toilet-incident. So what IS a girl to do? Nothing else but a grab a toy hammer and bang away with the rest of the bunch!

allergy season

2009-03-13T14:34:00.002-04:00

Allergy season has begun in our NJ household and the same as last year, JR's asthma is the first sign of pollination. Poor kid! Wheezing, coughing and running nose. I tried to take care of it myself but in the end had to run him over to the allergist for fear it would get worse. Albuterol, Singulair, another inhaled steroid, it's just too much. My "mommy guilt" trips me up and I just wonder WHY? why does this sweet little boy have to suffer? did I do something wrong? nutritionally or household? I know, why do I do this to myself, as if I am so powerful to create or inhibit such an illness in a child. Well, I do see it's unnecessary blame attached to myself, but I see all his symptoms and just wonder to myself- what is causing this? I am not content to just accept, in this particular situation, that this is it. I feel frustrated when I try to talk to the doctor about nutritional and supplemental support that I have read about in books and online, and then I am turned down and made to feel that that is nothing that I can do. I, as any parent, want to do more for my child and his health.

The really funny thing is that I am so concerned about his well being, and yet, at the age of almost 3, I still completely treat him like the baby of the family. He still uses his "binky" and blanky AND he's still in diapers. So really what the heck is the guilt all about anyway? Or is it just intuition and knowing when to pick the battle and when not to?

holy missing teeth batman!

2009-03-04T06:59:00.003-05:00

The Tooth Fairy has arrived at our house! We cannot believe that at 4 years old she has already lost her first two teeth! I just keeping thinking boys, high school drama, college, cars..... the list goes on. I just want to enjoy my baby now.

The funny thing is, if you were to ask Sarah she will tell you that her brother knocked her 1st tooth out (well, sort of). She was sitting on her bed playing with her loose tooth and JR jumped onto her, all we heard her say was " something happened to my tooth Mommy", then she held it up in the air and said "Boojie knocked it out". That's her story and she 's sticking to it!

The second tooth came out a few nights later.

Hubby and I were laughing when I remembered how the Tooth Fairy brought me a quarter a tooth. Each of Sarah's teeth was worth $2. Which she promptly gave $1 both times to her brother so that he could get a donut with her. So sweet! Certainly makes a momma proud. I KNOW I did not share any of my TF money with any siblings! It is definately moments like that to show you that you are not doing such a bad job as a parent.

time me out

2009-03-02T09:29:00.002-05:00

WE got hit with a snow storm last night, which we usually don't end up with, so we are excited. Hubby is out plowing snow since midnight and I had all intentions to get out and start clearing out the driveway so he has someplace to put his truck when he gets home later. Sarah happily began the process of dressing for the cold. JR was playing with her little handheld Leapster game, that's when I pried it out of his hands and realized he had peed through his diaper onto the couch - that's 1. As I stripped him down to change him, then proceeded to clean the couch he threw such a fit and went into an asthma attack - that's 2. He wanted nothing to do with the rescue inhaler so I had to pull out the nebulizer and sit with him for a breathing treatment.

Now the kids are hungry.

I pull out some applesauce, cinnamon toast and their soy milk. When they finish up I need to clean up.

Now I'm hungry and grab an apple and some peanut butter.

At this point they simply prefer to stay in and play Wii. What?? So I jump on Facebook to see who's on, check emails and that sort of thing. I settle in with my green tea ready to mindlessly web around. Wait- what's that? Now they want to go out - that's 3- Momma needs a time out.

lessons learned

2009-03-01T05:45:00.003-05:00

We are set to meet up with some old friends of mine tonight. I am so excited, and yet, that "high-school angst" still kicks in. When you totally lose touch with someone, your last memories are of how and who they were then, like 11 years ago are what comes to mind. Same with their thoughts on me I suppose. I was not a very "present" person, very emotional, very ME ME ME. Boys were always drama and I made everyone around me feel it. As I prepare to see my friends, who I truly miss and love deeply I do have to remember that their lives did go on without me. They had ups and downs and who knows what else. I kind of feel like I am meeting up in some ways with new friends.

The weirdest part of it all is that I have become "mom", that is my identity now. Sarah cannot even comprehend that I have friends that she doesn't know, or that don't know me as "Sarah's mom". We make our lives, rewrite our scripts and unfortunately we sometimes leave some people behind. In surrounding ourselves with people we care about we create those villages that it takes to raise our kids. In keeping our friendships, making new ones and reigniting old ones we take the time to broaden our identity from more than "mom" or " wife" or "fitness buff". We open up to all the possibilities of who we are and isn't that what we really want to teach our kids?

breathe

2009-02-19T09:55:00.003-05:00

The past few days have felt like an eternal rest in preschooler hell. really. Sarah has had some bad times, topped off with my inability to cope, which I will fully blame on PMS. So last night I put on Dora for the kids after we cleaned up from the dinner that no one really ate anyway, I put out my yoga mat, ready for some me time. Normally I do ashtanga yoga, which for anyone who doesn't know is a set of specific poses done in the same order each time, basically. I, in my hormonal fluctuations and irritability down to my bones just couldn't hack it. I just sort of "winged it" and did whatever poses I thought of. It felt good. The stress eased away from my neck. My back felt normal again. I could think clearly. But the most amazing part of the whole thing was that as I began to feel whole again, as I stretched and breathed and worked it all out, the kids both came up to me and started doing yoga with me. Away from the tv. They didn't even speak, neither of them. Now what would usually happen is I would try to find something else for them to do, you know, don't jump in momma's space. But last night was different. I wonder if they sensed that I was coming back around from the jumpy mind fog I felt all day. Or maybe they truly just wanted to be with momma. Either way, the day ended nice, calm and peaceful. Just what we needed to begin anew today. ( and boy did I need it! )

namaste.

skiing - NOT!

2009-02-07T08:03:00.003-05:00

A few years back, before I was a momma, or Hubby's wife even, hubby and I went skiing. Well, he went skiiing. My B-I-L aka- "Tree Man", and Hubby tried desperately to teach me. I put on my boots, complained I couldn't walk. All I kept thinking about was that the ski pants made my ass look HUGE. I put on the skis and ventured onto the ski lift, which I was terrified of as I am afraid of heights. I cannot even step onto a chair without feeling a little queasy. So I get on the ski lift and cry the whole time up the little bunny slope. I fell off at the top. Yeah. Mind you in PA at the time it was like 50 degrees and I think it was more slush than snow on the mountain. Tree Man and Hubby try to teach me. I am stubborn and just yell out "I caaann'ttt do it!", several annoying times. Tree Man gets behind me and really tries his best and in his most patient and fatherly like voice teaches me over and over again. I squat and sit on the ground, I'm not budging, this is stupid, I can't do it. I rip off the skis and walk down the side of the hill. I went for a nice long walk around the resort and then ended up at the bar where I had a great time. The point of the story is that I am stubborn and that you cannot get me to do something that I don't want to do.

Fast forward to 2009, my beautiful Sarah is 4 years old. What does she do when she is told to clean her room or pick up a few things by herself? "I caaannn'ttt do it!!!" is the chorus I hear ringing from her room. "I'm not moving, I'll sit here all day! I don't care!" Forgetting about my own little attitude problem I constantly wonder aloud - where did this child come from? what is her deal? I sit and laugh and see that she is me. She is smart and stubborn. Creative, but wants things done her way. In her own time.

Now I just wonder when I will be able to get Hubby and Tree Man to take her skiing so I can get some time alone at the bar...

just a weird thought

2009-02-06T07:47:00.002-05:00

If you just stop and breathe once in a while, you see the humor in your life. Yesterday I went to my Dad's house with the kids to have lunch with him for his birthday. When we left I was so relaxed, it was a good visit - no one ended up in time-out, both kids behaved. As I'm driving home I look lovingly into the backseat and JR is eating snow off his boots (eww!) and Sarah is totally digging for gold up her nose. Normally I would yell out "stoppp that !" "eww!" But I was so calm and all I thought was - don't eat the yellow snow.. Then, and I don't know where this came from, I started to wonder, in all seriousness, if anyone had ever been burned by the heated leather seats in their car. Really. As I felt all warm and cozy in my fam van I really wanted to know if there are any serious burn victims from the luxury of leather seats!

Truth be told, without the weird thoughts and freezing cold weather, it was a very good day.
And, my butt was very warm.

small children & other things that can go wrong

2009-02-02T11:26:00.003-05:00

Jr was up at 3:30am. Yes, you read that correctly - 3:30 AM! He insisted that he had to go potty (at 2 1/2 he refuses to use the bathroom for us, but seems to need it in the middle of the night!) Well as I suspected, he had already went in his diaper. I quietly changed him and brought him back to his bed. He was not ready for bed. He was ready for playing and laughing. After about an hour I got him to go back to sleep (thank goodness for that!!)

Fast forward to 7:45am when he had an appointment at the allergist to follow up on meds and asthma. I had the kids pack their bags with some books and toys. I was ready. I went over the rules - no yelling or running around, no touching things that aren't ours, blah blah blah. As I stood there trying to listen to the Dr., the kids running around me & ignoring my pleas for compliance, it was as if my mind was whisked away to a far off land - what did he say? why can't they sit still for 2 freakin' seconds? why? relax, they're kids this little voice said slowly and quietly. So, they're kids, they're not gonna listen? The woman who walked into the waiting room after us sure had a couple of little ones that lined up, they were quiet, read their books, and even talked softly. They didn't yell or jump up. Granted, they weren't smiling either, so in my mind I'm thinking they didn't have such a great morning at their house either.

So what does a stressed out overthinking momma do? She goes on amazon.com and orders up some more parenting books because she is thoroughly convinced that someone out there has the answer, and it will be found.

being home

2009-02-01T08:30:00.002-05:00

I found recently that in order to maintain some sense of myself through the day of staying home with two small children, that I need to have goal. Sounds silly right? Well for me I need to feel there is a purpose or my day just feels, well, unlived? I have to remind myself that I am here to raise happy, healthy kids. I am here to guide, not dictate. I hate the anger and yelling. I hate feeling like I am supposed to "control" how they act and what they do. They are kids. I cannot even control myself at times, and I am expecting them to be all "sit down and don't move"?

Really, the problem arises when I compare. Just like comparing our own fat ass to someone else's, comparing kids can be dangerous. Sarah has high energy and reacts much differently than other kids, this does not make her bad, nor does it imply that she needs to be medicated either. I, as her mother, can see her differences and try to focus with hubby on her needs and what works for her. I am fully prepared to home-school her if she has problems in school. I am fully prepared to work with her so we can learn how she thinks and what helps her focus. THAT'S what parents do. Right now I can see that I have been digital scrapbooking a project and blogging, and it seems that the kids are getting restless. Instead of my usual frustration and "why can't I do this.." attitude, I will stop and play with them, because isn't that really why I am home with them ??

How does Angie do it?

2009-01-27T08:09:00.003-05:00

Seriously, how do you get the kids to get along, pottytrain, look amazingly beautiful (well, that would be genes..), keep a serene look on your face and gaze lovingly at your significant other, and she has 6 kids?? I have 2 and hubby is really lucky if I smile a little more than usual. I use my power of positivity, my affirmations, and still cannot keep it together sometimes. Is my identity so wrapped up in the "mommy" that I forget about the rest of me? I am serious though, like, do her kids scream and punch each other as she and Brad are walking out the door to a red-carpet thang, or do they wave and smile and hold each other's hands tightly? Is there fighting over who gets to be blue while playing Candyland? Do they watch Wall-E every single day? Is there screaming kids and children who refuse to go to time-out? Does the momma yell? Oh yes, and hubby swears that she must wear very sexy lingerie-pajamas-whatever for Brad! Really? With kids jumping in and out of the bed through the night?

ok, enough about that. I have vented for the day. I certainly am not as beautiful as a movie star, but I'm sure my day is not all that out of the ordinary for a regular ol' momma either.
But really, don't you want to know?

crouching momma, screaming child

2009-01-25T07:25:00.003-05:00

How is that the sweetest little baby girl has turned into, um, a monster? Is it a fight for independance? Am I unrealistic with my expectations? I really don't know what to do sometimes. She acts up, I count, if I get to 3 it's time out you go. She will scream and fight her way there, saying she doesn't love me, blah blah blah. I try to remain calm, you know, let her know I'm in charge, she can't ruffle my feathers. Then it happens - my feathers get tousled and turned. I scream, I lose myself. AAAHH! It is in those moments that I feel low. Seriously, if hubby did something disrespectful or talked back in a nasty tone, would I yell and smack his bottom? No, I just think to myself "idiot" and usually try to redirect. Lovingly.

I read something recently in a parenting book, about how we are not responsible FOR our kids, but TO them. In other words we are responsible to teach and guide. It is up to us to teach them to think for themselves and make their decisions for action on their own. Now I know at 4 years old I am still dealing with tantrums and sleep issues( to nap or not to nap, that IS the question!) and just a general nonunderstanding of many things in her world, but, could it be possible that a gentler momma could help her not feel that she needs to fight it out all the time?

I get that I am not their "friend", but their parent. I understand my place, but how to go about it sometimes frustrates me to no end! How come when we go somewhere, like the chiropractors office, and I explain the rule -"respect this place, no running around, no screaming...."- why on this great green earth do they do just that? I was not supposed to be the frazzled, yelling, uptight momma. I was supposed to be the cool, hip( and very cute ) momma who smiles all the time and whose kids actually listened.
Seriously, don't laugh, a woman can dream.

snow day fun this past week

2009-01-24T08:46:00.002-05:00

the facebook thang

2009-01-24T07:51:00.004-05:00

So I did the facebook thing, and for my dear grandmothers who might not know, it is a website that people post their info- names, schools attended, towns lived in, to network and keep in touch with friends from high school, college, things like that. So weird it is!! Like, do you really want to know what your ex-boyfriend is up to?? I don't. Not that I don't care or anything,wish the very best for them, but, don't really want to "keep in touch". Or, maybe, the old friends that you had a falling out with, or, just let time slip away without keeping in touch? How do you approach that? Do you just skulk around reading their profiles (if they are not privacy locked), not letting them know you are a complete stalker in the making, OR do you just jump right in there? So very high-school-drama isn't it? And then there is my teenage brother, who I'm pretty sure is not on that website, but I don't think he would want me to know about his party-friends-and-other-goings-on. I know that when I was 18 years old I didn't want to share all that with some old-34-year-old-woman!

Until I figure out the proper etiquette for facebook use, I will continue to pretend that I don't silently look out for those old friends and I sware I won't tell the mothers of the teenage nieces and nephews that have befriended me of the beer drinking and partying pics.
For now.....

sleep and other dreams of mommahood

2009-01-23T06:55:00.002-05:00

ok, so my kids got up at 4:30am this morning. I am smiling, really I am. I had my coffee, my protein shake and I'm trying to do my online blog reading now so I can enjoy the rest of the day with them. The weather looks a little warmer than it has been, so I am hoping to get them outside and running around.

I just wonder, does anyone else's kids get up so freakin' early? seriously. They go to bed at 8pm. They sleep through the night, although, they sometimes end up in our bed at some point through the night, but they must tiptoe in and slide under the covers, because hubby & I wake up and they are just, well, there. Being the ever-overanalyzing-momma I wonder - what the heck am I doing wrong? Is this normal? I miss my 8 hour of sleep nights, and I did have them even after the kids were born! Is it too much tv during the day? Should I run them like dogs outside even on the coldest days? AAAHHH!!

I know, shut up! Be happy they are healthy and happy (most of the time!) and hubby and I seem to be getting a handle on their tantrums and attitude problems that seem to be arising lately. As for my tantrums and attitude problems, well, I have earned them a little bit, don't ya think???

bread update

2009-01-22T07:36:00.003-05:00

so my last I went on and on about our bread making day. Here's some pics. It was a denser bread due to the whole wheat flour, but a few days later I made french toast with it and it was awesome!! (at least, I thought so, and being the momma, that's the opinion that matters, right?)

the kids waiting patiently outside the oven door....

freshly sliced bread....(yeah, momma's a little proud of herself now!)

yummy!!!

snowy day baking fun

2009-01-15T10:17:00.002-05:00

Very cold and snowy here today in NJ. Not in the mood to pack the kids up in the car to go work out at the gym, I'll just do it later this afternoon at home. So, as I love love love to bake, I decided to try my hand at bread - cinnamon raisin bread to be exact. I replaced 1/2 the flour with whole wheat so I didn't feel to badly about it, and right now it is on the second rising. After this, on to bake in the oven. It already smells so good! The kids really got into the kneading and rolling into loaves, so they are very excited to see the final result. (pics for the next post!!)

I am *hoping* that with Sarah really enjoying the baking and anticipation of the results of her labor, that soon she will enjoy the other cooking a little more( more so to enjoy more food, especially more nutritious foods! ) She is very difficult with not ever wanting to try something new, nothing with any sort of sauce or topping, and with her dairy allergy, it makes it difficult anyway. Lately, if she refuses to eat dinner, I have just been telling her that she is welcome to eat a banana, which she promptly refuses. So, I figure if she was really that hungry, the banana would be just fine. She's still growing, so I'm thinking missing a few meals here and there wouldn't be so bad for her??

just some notes

2009-01-07T13:54:00.003-05:00

Jr has moved to a big boy bed.

My Grandpa (Poppa) is doing better.

Kids are napping.

I will be working out some soon.

Sending love and smiles to all!

small reminders

2009-01-06T08:00:00.001-05:00

Smile more
Be thankful
Stop yelling first
Just listen
Enjoy the sound

Kids playing
Hubby time
Stay in touch
Don't overthink

New Year's Wishes

2009-01-02T08:32:00.002-05:00

In trying to teach the kids about goals, instead of "resolutions", we made a family list and put it on the fridge, one "wish" or goal for each person. Mine was to work on my scrapbooks more often, Hubby's was to work on his little projects in the garage (he loves to build things). Sarah (4 yrs old) said that she would like to play outside more often, which I think is fantastic!! (her new word for everything now by the way) Jr (2 1/2 yrs old) stated that he would like more cake.

Well, I will just have to comply!!

Happy New Year and Love to all!!

playtime

2008-12-29T07:14:00.003-05:00

Why do I try to blog and do anything on the computer with 2 small children circling me like vultures? That's sounds bad, I know. I thought that with a playroom near by, they would play happily (and quietly), while I typed away. Duh!! I should know better. I am the oldest of 6. Do I not remember the utter chaos? Do I not remember the screaming (parents and children included), the fights and the crying?? So, for today, I will stop, play and listen. Just be in the moment right? I can type later. Then I can update you other things, like trying to lose the holiday weight, kid's Christmas pics and making happiness an everyday habit.

Love to all

AAAHHHH!!

2008-12-27T13:22:00.003-05:00

I tried to finish up the baking, clean up the kitchen, and all without the kids screaming. WWHHAATT? you say? A 2 and 4 year old who kept themselves busy for longer than 10 minutes? No. Of course not. What the heck was I thinking? I got all the cooking stuff done and thought, well, maybe I could work out a little bit. It's been a week since I got to the gym, JR's been sick and I need to stress release some major energy. After 35 minutes of fighting with the kids on which puzzle to set them up with, I popped on my new Britney Spears cd and went to work on my circuit training. The kids screamed, fought and yelped. Momma was not happy, Momma was not yet even sweating when the phone rang... A dear friend who I haven't spoken to in ages was telling me about her infertility stuff and the whole process when... the kids decide to have a screaming contest. Right there in front of me. Now normally, I would just leave the room to have an adult conversation on the phone for a few minutes, but, hubby is sick and napping and I didn't want them to wake him up so that he could possibly enjoy the party later.
I hang up the phone and I'm ready to scream and yell and then I remember that I am the adult. Yeah, me. Who would have thought? So I put my dreams of a hot rockin' body and a talk with a friend aside and just played with the kids. And yeah, they behaved.

Merry merry to everyone!!

twinkle twinkle

2008-12-21T09:01:00.002-05:00

Making cookies, wrapping presents, and trying to work out daily so that I can eat the yummy treats without severe consequence. Busy days.

Here's a little twinkly serenade for the Grandmothers...

mmm mmm monday

2008-12-08T16:23:00.002-05:00

So yesterday I made some really good beer bread, and not from the cute little overpriced mix that you buy at some home parties. So simple and good. A thought too, would be great to jar up and give the mix as gifts for the holidays since all the giftee has to do is add the beer and a Tb of melted butter on top (if desired)

Here's the recipe, which I got out of the fabulous "Joy of Cooking"

Preheat oven to 400 degrees
Grease a 6 cup loaf pan - 8 1/2 X4 1/2 inch pan

Whisk together the following in a large bowl:
1 CUP whole wheat flour
1 CUP all purpose flour
1/2 CUP old fashioned rolled oats
2 TB sugar
2 TEASPOONS baking powder
1/2 TEASPOON baking soda
1/2 TEASPOON salt

ADD:
1 1/2 CUPS of beer

Fold until the dry ingredients are moistened. Scrape into the pan and spread evenly.

I melted 1 TB butter (or spread) and poured on the top.(this was not in the actual recipe in the book)

Bake until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean, 35 -40 minutes.
Let cool in pan for 5-10 minutes, then cool completely on rack.

ENJOY!!!!

up with the times..

2008-12-04T18:54:00.002-05:00

So I went out and purchased a webcam, mainly I have two brothers in the US ARMY, one stationed in VA and the other in Germany. I barely just got my Skype account all done and the kids are already having me send emails of them being silly to my various family members. This is going to be fun. Although my 4 year old daughter is convinced that she is the next webshow phenom. A born performer she is, and she swares that everyone wants to see her do, well, whatever. So, perhaps we might add some video here in the near future, ya know, of me, pulling my hair out after a toddler tantrum, or of the tantrum itself. Maybe me, begging for parenting advice, or, some very strong coffee.

Anyway, until tomorrow.

tantrum tuesday

2008-11-25T10:41:00.002-05:00

I had the morning all planned out. Shoprite, post office, then off to drive by the dance studio to explain to Sarah why she was not going to dance class today. She has been misbehaving in class, so I thought that seeing the other girls arrive to class would shock her into understanding that I was not kidding around. She needs to check the behavior or her dancing career is over, at the tender age of 4. I know it sounds awfully mean, but this is her second year dancing, and this problem is a new one.

So, we picked up a few things at Shoprite, were I forgot something that I needed. Then, in the rain, JR threw a fit not wanting to get into the carseat and I sat, outside in the rain with him for 35 minutes. Moms walking by smiling, happy it was me and not them. Every time I tried to get him into the car he arched his back, screamed "NNNOOOOOOO" and being a strong little sucker, there was no use fighting him. So we sat, and sat, and sat some more. Finally I felt strong enough to hold in the seat while buckling each side with a somewhat free hand, trying to not to think about how he sounded like I was beating him and it seemed that millions of people were walking by, very slowly.

Now, I skipped the post office, for obvious reasons and drove onto the dance studio. Class had already been in session for a 1/2 hour, so I pointed out parents' cars, which Sarah knew, and made sure she understood her friends were dancing today, while she was not. Then I threw in a little bribe for her good behavior for next week. A new Barbie doll (which I already have for her.) If she didn't love dancing so much I would just let it be and not take her anymore, but she is obsessed! All day, all night, everything dance and ballet and tap! So, we'll see how it goes next week, if not, hubby & I end up with an extra $60/month to save for a rainy day.

holiday challenge

2008-11-20T07:46:00.004-05:00

The holiday buzz has begun. This time of year makes me feel warm inside and happy to hug all my family and friends. It also makes me think much more of the families that do not have much. I clean up my kid's rooms and I think of children that don't have many toys to play with or warm clothes to wear. So I went through my closet. My foyer closet which contains coats. Many, many coats. I found 3 that I haven't worn in years. That I will probably never wear. So, they will be donated today. I always donate the kid's outgrown clothes. I always go through the things that I don't want anymore. But, to find something that perhaps can be useful to someone else in the cold weather, that makes me feel good. An outdated sequined belt? Not so helpful I'm thinking to someone trying to just make it through the day.

So the challenge to all is to find one coat, one item that will warm someone else up for the season and donate it now. I promise it will warm your heart too.

new definitions?

2008-11-17T06:39:00.002-05:00

this is what spooning is in our house.....

tempers flaring, camera's clicking

2008-11-16T10:25:00.002-05:00

A temper tantrum broke loose and I felt at that moment, no coping skills at all. How do I contend with a 2 year old on a rampage? So I did what I could - I took out the camera and his tears turned into almost a smile and a quiet "cheese!"

The greatest painted pumkins

2008-11-02T08:35:00.003-05:00

The greatest painted pumpkins

by Sarah, age 4

These are our pumpkins.

Our pumpkins are painted in lots of different colors.

Mommy & Daddy will see them when we go home.

They are washable paints & we painted very carefully.

Our pumpkins are done.

We did it very neatly.

trick, or treat?

2008-11-01T12:08:00.000-04:00

WE HOPE YOU HAD LOTS OF TREATS, AND NOT TOO MANY TRICKS!!

fresh pickins

2008-10-22T06:51:00.003-04:00

This past Sunday we went pumkin picking. It was cold. It was windy. But, just putting a smile on can turn the whole thing around. We laughed and there were no meltdowns. With two toddlers, that in itself is amazing!! We got our pumpkins, then after bringing them back to the car we walked through the little petting zoo that was there. So much fun - I think JR had the most fun. He is finally really using more and more words every day and that particular day it was all about the "aminals". All day long he recited "aminals eeaat". Because he seemed to take so long to talk, everything he says just amazes me at this point. These are definately the days I will soon miss, the baby talk, the cuddling, the small little hands.

enjoy the sunshine

2008-10-20T14:18:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago Hubby and I took the kids to a nearby reservoir to enjoy some nature. I try to take them out every Sunday, pretty much because I don't go to church and my Cathiolic Schoolgirl guilt says to do something spiritual with them. Anyway, the weather is starting to get colder here in Jersey and I, not enjoying the cold too much don't know how else to dance with nature in the miserable winter. Hopefully something will come to my mind, or, I will have to find a church to attend, and hopefully, save my soul.

making it through

2008-10-14T07:59:00.002-04:00

The struggle has already begun- Sarah would like to put on her ballet tights and leotard. This begins at 5:30am. Her class is not until 9:30am. She yells at me that I am not fair (she is 3, almost 4 years old). I explain that she can put in on at 8:30 when she has finished her snack. I don't want her to get it all dirty nor do I want her to rip her tights (at $12 a pop, I try to make them last as long as possible!) Anyway, she feels that I am being unreasonable and I never listen to her. The funny thing is, I am so on the floor playing with them all the time. I hug and listen and comfort all the time. I am not sure what she needs, because if it was reasonable, I would certainly accommodate.

I guess my "question" is this - does it have to be a struggle? I totally understand that giving a child everything they "want" is not good for them (or the rest of the world) in the long run. Why does it seem that other people's kids don't put up such a fight? And why for goodness sake does my little princess constantly bug the crap out of her brother????????

As I sit here, trying to relax and remember that kids are kids and I am here to guide them blah blah blah, I am surrounded by what seems like an increasing mountain of toys and I am just taking a breath and hoping that I can hike my way through this day, with a smile. (oh, and a Dunkin Donuts Coffee Coolata)

catching up

2008-10-13T13:13:00.002-04:00

The kids have finally gotten down for naptime and I have committed myself to blogging each day the minute they have begun to dream.... Time management has been a problem for me and I was struggling with figuring out reasons. I am the type of person who needs a reason for everything. Why is Sarah misbehaving? What is the reason?? hello, how about she is almost 4 going on 13!! JR refuses to potty train. What is the reason?? duh, he is 2 1/2 and some children just aren't ready yet. So in figuring out how to use my time wiser I decided that I definately needed to set in stone the things that made Momma's day brighter. Workout time at the gym, blogging/computer time, scrapbooking. Then I also realized that the mundane household crap that I hated so much was so dreadful because I looked at it in that way, as something that I hated. So, some positive thinking and a perfectly good attitude adjustment was needed.

(by the way, it so much that JR refuses to potty train, it's that he screams on the toilet, then when the feet hit the floor he proceeds to bless the room with should have been in the toilet. And Sarah, well, I am beginning to see that backtalking, snotty remarks and little angry outbursts are being well modeled by this Momma who needs to stop and take a breath a little more often....)

too attached

2008-10-01T13:13:00.003-04:00

In my reading lately I picked up a few books about Buddhism, which I find absolutely fascinating! This idea of "nonattachement" struck a chord with me, basically because I was having a really hard time understanding exactly what that meant. At first, I thought it to mean not being "attached" to name brands, or "things", tangible "things that one would possess. But now I find it to be more of an "idea". Sort of like the being-in-the-moment-thing.

Anyway, in working on my lack of patience and quick anger (or as hubby says that I am ALWAYS yelling) I decided to make this idea of nonattachment work in my life. So, this morning when the kids ran into our room and started severely messing up my space, I had to think to myself, or "unattach" if you will, to the idea that I needed it to be a certain way. So, I took a breath and just thought to myself "it's already messed up". I know it sounds really stupid, but by letting go of that fighting thought of how things "should be", I was able to just see my kids having fun, then able to smile and have them help pick some things up. Why is this so hard for some of us? Very early this morning, try 4:15am, JR woke up and just could be bothered to go back to sleep. Usually, if it is before 5am, I end up very grumpy and react very badly to even a request for juice. My thoughts? I need sleep, I am tired, why can't they just sleep like everyone else's kids, blah blah blah, I just fight it. So today I smiled at him and just went with. I "unattached" to my thoughts on how it should be. What a much better morning it turned it out to be for all of us.

It is hard when you try to stick with what you know and try not to lose yourself. It is hard when you want to sleep and your thoughts ramble on about how unfair this is. Yeah, it's hard. But no one did tell me it would easy.

questions

2008-09-17T10:51:00.002-04:00

Being that I haven't found the time to even check emails lately, blogging had been put in the back of my mind. Just endless questions that if I find the time I will, I suppose "Google". Is there any other way of finding an answer to anything anymore?
So, I want to know -do I wake my toddlers up from long naps, or just leave them be? - why is there such a lack of GREAT customer service? do these companies not realize with the economy and everything going on that they do indeed need to fight for the consumer dollar? - why, oh why does everyone seem to love Gov. Sarah Palin so much??? - will our troops ever leave Iraq and leave it a safe place for it's people? - why are so many kids allergic to peanuts?
crap, the list goes on and on. so with that good health to everyone for the day.
see you tomorrow - I promise!

in the moment

2008-08-15T11:16:00.003-04:00

I was vacuuming the kids' rooms this morning and I heard it - silence. So I ran out into the kitchen to see what was wrong. No screaming, no fighting, what could be going on? I looked down to see my little ones rolling around the floor with the contents of an entire box of tissues! They looked up as if to say "uh oh" then instead of my usual rant, I jumped down on the floor with them and threw some fluffy white Kleenex up in the air to enjoy for myself. We had some fun, and wouldn't you know it, when it was time to clean it up, they were all for helping!

I tell you, this Buddist stuff I have been reading is really doing me some good!!!!! It is much nicer to live in and enjoy the moment than to react to every little thing.

2008-08-01T12:18:00.002-04:00

So this morning we got up and dressed. How exciting, an outing! Packed the kids in the car and went over to....Costco. Yeah, that was what I was excited about. Our Costco moved to bigger and better location and I was so happy to go check it out (besides I needed milk and eggs). So as I entered the parking lot I was, well, overwhelmed, the entire parking lot was full, you know, Christmas shopping at the mall full? It seems that the store opened early and had muffins and other breakfast items for the customers to eat, so every person in our county seemed to have converged on our Costco. I tried to navigate my way through the store with 2 screaming kids, a super large shopping cart and I could not find the eggs. Oh, and you know those ladies that give out the samples? They were everywhere! Problem with that is my kids are dairy and nut allergic, so, we can't really eat any of it! My wonderful trip to store ended with a man waiting for me to move out of my parking spot, while I packed up the groceries, strapped the kids into their seats, then had to return the shopping cart.

When we returned home I gave the kids some snacks and go them ready for the pool, bathing suits, suncreen, no wait, JR wouldn't put his bathing suit on, so he started to cry, and Sarah started to cry and I really wanted to cry, so everyone took a nap. Well, the kids took a nap, me, I'm checking email talking to you.

puzzling

2008-07-25T11:34:00.002-04:00

I have found that I needed recently to learn how to think and act more positively. Why you ask?In such a crappy (at times) world do I need to be a smilig goon with only good things to say? Two reasons - Sarah and JR. Those little ones hear and see everything you do. Even the things you don't say, they get it. The other day while doing a puzzle Sarah got so frustated and screamed "I CAAANNNT DOIT!!" I said "Yes, you can, say I CAN DO ITTT!!" and she did. We laughed and talked about how much better it feels to smile and say something good. And you know what? She did it. Again, and again and again. We definately need some more puzzles around here.

corny girl

2008-07-17T19:47:00.002-04:00

It's summer in Jersey and you guessed it - corn all around! Sarah requests it every chance she gets, although I think she enjoys the mess of shucking (is that right??) rather than eating it. But, as long as it's cheap and a natural food, how can I refuse her?

thank god their napping!!!

2008-07-16T12:16:00.003-04:00

My darling little loveable cuties amaze me each and every day. Oh yeah, and at night sometimes, too. Last night (actually 2:30am this morning) they both awoke FULL FORCE ready for the day. There was no lay down, relax, go back to bed. So I let my frustrations go with a deep breath and took then in the living room to watch TV at 3:30am. Thank goodness for 24 hour cable channels such as Sprout and Noggin!!! By 4:15am I was making whole wheat blueberry muffins, and by 5am had overindulged in a pot of coffee.

I'm not sure what it was that caused this, my only thought is that I kept them inside yesterday since both were coughing pretty badly and with no running playtime I think their little bodies missed the exercise they needed. Or, they are just strange little people with odd sleeping habits. Either way, as usual we muddle through the day the very best we can, being grateful since I know there are much worse things than a little lack of sleep.

color me happy

2008-07-13T22:00:00.003-04:00

As a stay at home mom, I find you (or maybe just I) get so trapped in the childcare, the house, the wonderful hubby, all the "housy" things there are to do that you forget sometimes what makes you, well, YOU. When the kids go in for a nap and I finally get a moment to myself, I usually end up eating. No, not lunch, but a box of Cheez-Its or a pound of pretzels. After much consideration I have come to the realization that 1)it relaxs me and 2)I need to find my "happy" again.

So, I sit down and try to figure out what makes me swoon.....a yummy toasted everything bagel with cream cheese? Well yeah, but not food wise. What makes me smile? I like to be creative. So, I try to scrapbook more. I like to play around with the digital pics of the kids, so I find some playtime just for me. I get the kids to paint, color, whatever. I find I love to pick up the brush and just go. So, for now, we shall buy more washable paint in lieu of Cheez-Its and perhaps, I will even take a painting class or something. Ya know, there is a wall in my living room that needs a painting, I just haven't found the perfect one yet........

fireworks?

2008-07-04T12:26:00.002-04:00

JR has taken to having more tantrums. You know, the one's where your out at the bagel shop, and as you leave, bagels in hand to head home for breakfast, he wants one NOW!!!!!! So, he throws his little 33 lb body onto the floor, crying, snots flying, demanding NOW!!!!! Now, of course the easy thing would be to give in and just give him the bagel, but please, I am so afraid of the future of our world now, with spoiled kids and the general feeling of entitlement that surrounds us that I just cannot bring myself to give in. So, I drag him out of the store, smile politely at the woman staring in horror at me and my child as she held open the door (Thanks, by the way!!) We get to the car, oh, have you ever wrestled a child to get him safely secured into a carseat while he screams and cries and wriggles around? That would be my workout for today.

All the while, I work up an appetite of my own and then remember - I forget to get a bagel for myself.

Happy 4th!

dance little one, dance

2008-06-30T11:59:00.003-04:00

This past Saturday was little Sarah's dance recital, and what a crazy day! It was hot and she was not too happy wearing that "itchy, itchy dwess", but after piling on some body lotion and baby powder she was a little more comfortable. I dropped her off at the stage door of the theatre, and as she walked through the doors with her teacher my tears started to flow. Sarah, however, did not seem to mind at all that she wasn't going to see Mommy for a while, she was excited for the "big show".

Now, out of 42 dances, her class was #35, so we had quite a while to go. At intermission, hubby had to leave with my dear Mother-In-Law as we had received a call that family members were involved in a motorcycle accident. They headed up to the hospital where one of the nieces was helicoptered to, but then another family member took her up so hubby could see his little girl dance. It was quite upsetting, I'm sitting there in the theatre, crying because of the accident, crying because I don't know how everyone really is, crying because music and theaters seem to make me cry, crying cause hubby is missing it... Then he shows back up, in time to see his little darling. I have to admit, she tried, but actually got distracted by some of the girls who didn't dance.

At finale time I'm all excited, looking for her to do her part dancing up the isles and she is no where to be found. Then I realize, that one of the older dancers is holding a sleeping wee little one - my sleeping wee little one! She woke up in a daze to clap her hands and shake her booty for a second then threw up her arms to be held again.

After fetching my beloved little ballerina, we went home, finding out that everyone involved in the accident was going to be ok and the day ended very well for the little dancer and her family.

time in a bottle?

2008-06-24T07:33:00.003-04:00

My life is not difficult. I know I am blessed with many loved ones and good health. Yes, my 3 year old can be trying sometimes, but, certainly not out of the ordinary in that department. So why is it hard for me to find enough time? Time to read the blogs that I enjoy. Time to blog about my silly life. Time to call my grandmothers and visit with friends.

At day's end I look around and pick up toys, again. I smile and count the minutes until the kids go to bed and I can do for me. What do I do? I collapse on the couch. Sometimes a book in hand, usually a parenting or cookbook to be perfectly honest.

I guess I want to know, does anyone have enough time to do all they want or need to do in a day? Or, should I just be happy when the kids do go to bed on time, the kitchen is half-cleaned, and I am able to sit on a couch that is not covered in toys?

momma's day

2008-05-11T10:29:00.002-04:00

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY

To all the wonderful mothers in my life, those who inspire me daily, have the greatest day and remember that you make a difference!!!

Stop and smell the flowers today.......

worry me

2008-05-10T22:02:00.003-04:00

Yes, I am still breathing. I'm not just talking the involuntary muscle contractions that our oh-so-smart bodies do each moment bringing life to ourselves. No, I'm talking the stop-&-breathe-before-you-say (or do)-something-foolish sort of breath. The one where I stop dead in my tracks and my beautiful 3 yr old says "ok Mom, 1,2,3...." A better habit to teach her I suppose than slamming doors or screaming those good ole cuss words I love so much.

So we are breathing and yet still stressing about how the heck to handle parenting a smart a*s like mine. 3 years old and going on 14. Talks back, says no. All the things I really didn't think I would need to deal with for a while. By then, I was sure, I would have a nice little drinking regimen that I could turn to when the going got tough. No. No gin & tonics for me, just ice water thank you. A nice cold beer would be wonderful, except I would feel too bloated to breath deeply when needed. So, I read the Supernanny and the rest of the experts, and just like weight loss, it's not that I don't know what to do, it's just those nasty little habits we settle into. Like being too tired to deal with it, or worrying more about how this reflects on me than about what lesson my child might be learning.

Yes indeed, I worry, a worry-a-holic I guess would be the correct diagnosis. If there is nothing to worry about, I can create it. Maybe, after a breath and a drink I will see that we all really suck at parenting and there really are no experts - in fact, I do not think that all the "experts" have children of their own, do they???

We go by our guts, make mistakes, and move the heck on with worrying about something else.

just the facts, maam

2008-05-06T05:44:00.004-04:00

I forget alot of things. I forget to go to the bank for hubby. I forget to call and make doctor appointments. But the most important thing I forget to do at times is breathe. Yeah, I know, it should be an automatic. Not for me. Sometimes my reactive self takes over and I start stressing and yelling, and I have noticed that at those times my brain oxygen level is way too low.

I stress about my kids, their behavior (hello, Sarah is 3 1/2 and my expectations, it seems, are way too high). I stress about my weight (women are supposed to have hips, aren't we?). I stress about my hair (getting very grey, and I made an appt for a cut, and then my friend went and got her hair cut the same way I was going to, now what do I do?).

In my reading lately, about being present and in the moment, nonjudgemental, it says to stick with the facts. So here are the facts for me today:

Yes, my bodyfat % is higher than I would like it right now, at 25%. So, eat right and work out. Stop eating 5lb bags of pretzels and leftover ice cream cake and potato salad.
Yes, my child acts like a 3 year old - because she is a 3 three year old. Guide her, enjoy her, and let her be a child.
I need a haircut. So what if my friend got the "cut" I wanted. It's the style.
I will stop and breathe before reacting.

BREATHE TODAY

crazy

2008-04-29T08:37:00.002-04:00

Feeling "not alone" is certainly the most important thing I need at this point in our family life. It is hard when you feel like your child is the only one acting up in the room. Our children get cranky and tired by 7:30pm, there are no late parties with friends. Sarah does need more "motivation" and encouragement and it can be exhausting!! Her eyes and attention wander like crazy and keeping her focused is sometimes a challenge.

Of course, it is all worth it and when someone wonderful tells me I am not alone it makes me feel alive - of course this is not all about me, it is about their growth and childhood, their own little personalities.

This week is a little crazy, my own Mom is having surgery, JR's 2nd Bday is on Wednesday, and then the family party is on Saturday. Lots of cleaning up and shopping to do. Of course Sarah wants to get him a gift on her own, so I need to steal away some time with her too. This is definately one of those weeks that I wish I had a cleaning lady.

2008-04-22T12:06:00.002-04:00

As we arrived at Sarah's ballet class today, I pulled into the empty parking lot and realized something was wrong. The instructors are always there first. My friend and I pulled along side each other and saw the note on the door that they were closed for spring break. I called my other friend, to let her know not to pack the kids in the car, but she was already on her way, so we all decided to meet up at Dunkin Donuts across the street.

The kids ate their donuts and the mommys chatted it up. Why, though, is it my child that acts up? Why do I end up yelling and counting to 3 to get her to listen? I feel like I am always complaining about this part of my life, and I love my kids, I do. But why do my friends all have the "perfect" kids? Maybe I need to find some girlfriends with little animals of their own? Perhaps some kids that misbehave more than my own, to ease my own mind? That's sad.

After Dunkin Donuts we said our goodbyes and headed over to Wal Mart for a few things. Why do I do this? Why do I go out in public when I am not emotionally equipped to handle the consequences? It wasn't so bad and it actually got me to reframe my own thinking so that I could handle the situation a little better. And we all know a little "retail therapy" definately helps, even if it is on the clearance rack at Wal Mart.

But then, on the way home, the kids ready for a nap quieted down and I remembered something: that sweet baby smell. You know when they are so little and even when they are sweaty they just smell eatable. So I backtracked through some pics and looked at my little Sarah 3 years ago, when she smelled sweet and acted that way too. She is still that little girl I could hold forever, although now she won't let me. She is strong now, very independant. Smart, almost too smart, she knows the buttons to push and I think I am the one learning lessons here on how to handle temper and learning to be present.

Here's to you my sweet little girl. You may just be the gift I needed to work on those things about myself, like being overreactive or quick to anger. Together we'll make it through.

2008-04-17T08:36:00.002-04:00

According to good ole Abe Lincoln "Most folks are about as happy as they make their mind up to be". Today I will remind myself (several times if need be) that happiness comes from within. Even when JR is bouncing the billiard table balls off the wall while I try to type and Sarah is grabbing my sweater asking 100 times when we are leaving. I will smile and be happy. Even when I feel like screaming and running out the door. I will be happy dammit.

2008-04-16T07:49:00.002-04:00

So last night I was awakened by a bloodcurdling scream and a yelp for "Momma"! It was around 2 am (isn't it always) and I ran into my little boy's room to see what was up. He had kicked the blanket off, so he was a little cold and he had also dropped the binky out of the crib. I rocked him back to sleep, but he still seemed a little upset. We rocked for about 15 minutes when he picked up his little head, opened his sleepy eyes, smiled and said "Mater." For anyone who has seen the Disney movie "Cars", it is character from that movie. He then closed his eyes and put his head back down to sleep.

I put him back down in the crib but then he was back to crying again around 3am. I just picked him up and slept with him on the couch. I just really wonder at times, what are they dreaming about? I wish I knew what had upset him so much. As we lay on the couch in the early morning, I tried to wriggle out from under his sweaty body and I realized it wasn't sweat. Yeah, he peed all over me. So, another precious moment ends in some sort of bodily waste.