wake up call

4 am. My beautiful, soft little boy, rocking gently in my arms. Go to sleep. I close my eyes and pray that he drifts off. He looks up at me and strokes my cheek. Sweet. He grabs hold of the front of my hair, right at the roots, I wonder to myself how I will look with a bald spot. He pulls, I try not to scream. Please don't wake up little girl. I begin to cough, that tickle in your throat, uncontrolable cough that pains your chest and rattles your entire being. Shit. Please don't wake up little girl, I need my sleep. It's in that moment I realize the problem. The problem of always fighting it.

I hear the rumble of little feet sprinting to my bedroom and I know that when she doesn't find me in bed she knows where to look. I take a deep breath, knowing that the day is set to begin for us now, at 4 am. There is nothing I can do about it. Just go with it. I cough. She runs in and smiles "Momma, thew you aw!". I smile, "Good morning little girl!".

She sings her brother our special "good morning song" and our day begins with a smile.

ouch!

This morning I awoke to a screaming baby and the bagged groceries I left on the counter last night. I couldn't get JR back to sleep, so we turned on Sesame Street, which is on at 5am. (thank you Sprout!) I decided momma needed some coffee and found that in my hurry to put away the "cold stuff" last night, I forgot to put away the ice pops and cheese spread. The cheese is hubby's, and frankly, he would not care if there were cracker crumbs or peanut butter left around the rim of any container, he says it is fine, so I put that in the fridge. The ice pops of course, could not be salvaged.

How could I let this happen? you wonder. I know. Well, when I got home from food shopping with Sarah, I found hubby on the couch in pain. He had moved the treadmill up 2 flights of stairs by himself and either cracked a rib or pulled a muscle. So, me in a worried state as momma's do, rushed to get the groceries out of the car. As I grabbed the last few bags in my left hand, I pulled down the tailgate door of the minivan with my right and... WACK! I slammed the door down on my head. I know you are thinking "no she didn't". I am totally here to tell you "YES, I DID!" In a daze I ran into the house screaming "There's a hole in my head!!", while hubby is laughing at me and rolling aorund in pain. what dorks we are.

So here we are, at our quaint little home. Momma with the hole in her forehead (thankfully I can cover it up with some bangs) and hubby with a broken something-or-other in his gut. I am quite unsure at this moment if we are fit to raise 2 children, well, make that 3 if I get my way.

me first!!

I remember a while back there was an episode on Oprah that really got some conversation going for momma's. There were the momma's who put the kids first, then the house, then the hubby, never getting to themselves. Then there were the momma's who said "I come first, then hubby, then the kids." What an uproar the dowdy little never think of themselves momma's had over this way of thinking. At the time I didn't have any children, or, Sarah was an infant so this really didn't resonate with me.

Now I get it. By putting yourself first, you are not being selfish. You are insuring that you will be the best partner and mother you can be. You are setting a good example for your children, especially your daughters. By putting your relationship with your "significant other" in the forefront you are saying "This is important, this is what makes our family work". It doesn't mean you are having wild sex in the living room while the kids run amuck in a sugar induced daze. ( although...) kidding! Your children are better provided for when the relationship between the parents is free of stress and full of love.

I find myself doing more for me and I am better for it. The past two days I have made it a point to have "mommy time" at the gym while hubby stayed home to entertain the kids. I was able then, to be fully present for my family for the remainder of the day, and felt really good about myself as well. The rest of the week we do go to the gym and the kids enjoy the child care room there, however, they have been sick and frankly, when I am working out and I know they are in the next room, out of my sight, it sort of freaks me out that I am not with them.

now, if I could only figure out a way to get someone else to do the cooking...

can I get your attention please..

It has been a little hard to find the time to browse my favorite blogs lately. The kids don't feel well, don't sleep well, and attach to my legs like little leeches when they are awake. Not that I mind, of course. We all need to feel the love once in a while. It just makes it way difficult for momma to feel her own love, that's all. It also makes it difficult for momma to read a book, color her hair (which I finally got to last night, after having the box of color for 2 weeks), polish toenails, or snuggle with hubby. Any of the things that make me feel human, to say the least.

Sometimes venting makes us feel better, sometimes it just makes us look, well, a bit selfish. At this point, I'll admit selfishness if it means wanting to pee by myself or eat a warm meal with interruption.

Today, even though it is cold and windy, leaves blowing all sorts of directions, we NEED to get outside. I NEED to get outside.

send some love this way........

breaks my little heart

On monday I ended up taking JR to the dr because he was having trouble breathing. Two breathing treatments later and we are on our way to the hospital. (freaking out!!!) A few more breathing treatments, a chest x-ray and we were released with a script for antibiotics (ear infection), some sort of steroid for his lungs, and an order to do more breathing treatments at home (with the nebulizer the dr's office gave us earlier).

Skip to late yesterday afternoon when I notice JR is not walking but crawling and dragging his self around by his arms. I try to get him to step on his feet, but he keeps staying off the left one. (freaking again, I am thinking brain tumor, deadly medication side effect....). Once hubby was home we called the dr who said this was not a side effect to any of the meds he was on and he must of hurt himself, he suggests no er since I was coming to see him for a follow up today anyway. So I called the in-laws who were already on the way over because I called them in a state of panic earlier, to tell them to turn around and head back home. (what did people do before cell phones??)

After the drama and a good cry I remembered he did fall earlier in the day, right before his nap. It never struck me as anything really since the kids are always wrestling and falling and bumping into things. So today the dr sent us for another x-ray, after he checked that his lungs were clear and the ear infection beginning to heal.

We just got the phone call a few minutes ago to say that the x-ray was negative and there was no break or crack or anything (thank goodness!) So, per the dr, JR will probably be limping around for a few days until it starts to feel better.

oh, the drama !

I did notice something interesting about kids when we were waiting at the imaging center to get his x-rays done. Here is a little man, in pain, and yet not one complaint. He simply dragged himself, crawled, or scooted to where he wanted to be, and believe me, he was ALL over that waiting room. It's too bad that some adults cannot follow suit and just deal sometime.

snot today

rock and roll!!

uh, ma could ya move??

enjoying sister's birthday presents...

happy 3rd birthday baby girl!!

My little man is teething. Teething and drooling and snotting. Grossly.

Of course he woke up yesterday morning with the non-stop boogarfest draining from his face, as I was finishing up the final touches for his sister's 3rd birthday party. Lovely. I called our niece who has a newborn to let her know the situation, so she wouldn't think we were dirty and contagious. I called my Mom for some advice, then I counted the hours until I could legally and without guilt open a bottle of merlot.

The bash began with me, the momma-not-in-control, with 2 hours sleep from the night before, lashing out at anyone who dared step in my way, or offer to help (how dare they! Do they doubt that I cannot do it ALL??) Hubby and I took turns wiping down the snotty-drooling savage, who other than not having his afternoon nap, was pretty good.

Sarah enjoyed her party, which, due to a large family for both Hubby and I, we stick to strictly family. So, the only glitch for her was there were no other small children, being that her cousin K was home sick. She loved her cupcakes (which, by the way most Duncan Hines cake mixes and frostings are milk-free, thank you Duncan-Hines!!!)

Now, for today I will skip the gym and hopefully make it there tonight as JR's nose is pretty runny and he keeps coughing on the excess drool he's got goin' on in there. I suppose I am being silly, because I know that not everyone is on lock-down when there kid is teething, but I just feel like the girls that watch the kids there don't need to be on snot-patrol.

howling halloween

what do you meeaan no more candy???




pleeeeze, no more pictures!!

Our Halloween evening began when Hubby came home, pizza in hand, ready for dinner. As I turned around to get the kids to the table, I noticed what looked like mud on the floor and then on Sarah's mouth. Hubby comes home after going over to the high school where he volunteers coaching the football team, so I knew it was either mud or goose poop. Praying it was just mud, I turned to Sarah and asked her what she ate, when she realized it was not chocolate, she immediately started spitting and wiping off her tongue. I once again had to explain to my little girl not to ever eat anything off the ground, especially if it is brown.

After that, the evening went smooth, it's really easy with small kids because you really only have to trick-or-treat to a few neighbors houses and they are happy. As for this morning, both kids woke up wanting to wear their costumes again, probably hoping for some more treats.