snapshot sunday

sue me

Early this morning we left the house to have breakfast with my sister and afterwards ran into Shoprite for a few last minute items for JR's 1st birthday party tomorrow. Sarah screamed that she wanted the "caw cawt", ya know the one with the very loud, hard to push, rattling car on the front? So at 7:30am I am not into argueing, so I agreed. I wiped it all down since it was soaking wet and placed her in the car and JR in the basket seat. All good. We drove around Shoprite for a while since, 1) I never really go to this particular store and 2) they are in the middle of a huge remodel and everything was all over the place. We literally circled the store six times before finding sour cream and baby food.

As we walked down the paper products isle, Sarah wanted those Zoo Pals Plates, the paper plates with animal faces? Ok, I know, not so enviromentally sound, whatever. I let her hold them and we then circled the store again so I could locate some salt pork, which I had never purchased in my life, but, am making baked beans in the good ole crock pot tomorrow and the recipe calls for it. (BTW- salt pork is located by the bacon if anyone is interested)

We checked out and I actually had a really nice woman help me at the register. She actually said good morning and we talked. Most of the time my trips to the store end with me stressing on the way home about the decline of customer service.

I put the grocery bags in the back of my oh-so-cool minivan and put JR into his carseat. As I reached for Sarah, there under her "dolly" was the package of plates. I was mortified, and normally I would run back inside and pay for whatever had been forgotten. But not today. I had to go to the bathroom. Sarah was shreeking that she had to go potty as well. JR was snuggled up in his car seat. So I left. I decided that next time I go to Shoprite I will just have them double ring the package of plates since I am always buying them anyway. Yeah, I know, I am such a nerd. My question is this, why couldn't she have carried off something good? Like a King size Milky Way bar? Or a box of Hot Tomales??

Love Thursday

My "love" is my hubby. He makes me the best that I can be. Not by coddling me or telling me everything will be alright, but by forcing me to be the strongest Momma that I can be. When I am feeling badly about myself or a situation, he is there to give me a swift kick in the ass and make me see there is something that I can do about it. It might sound cold to someone else, but I need it. I could lie on the couch in an Oreo induced coma, or I can get up and make things right. I know, there are you momma's out there who have the everloving husband who is always there with the kind words, the "I Love Yous" every second of the day. You can have that. I have the guy who makes me see my potential and be the person I am meant to be. I have the guy, who although I have to hover every once in a while to get some extra affection, makes it all worth it.

Ouch!

I am really trying to think of something to write about right now. Anything. Sarah is ( right now as we speak ) wailing into a microphone about "Oh Suzannah, don't ya cry fow meee!!" NO, screaming is the word I was looking for. With that glorious and repetive screeeech in my ear, I think of my little boy, sleeping peacefully, at least now he is. He is teething, as most 1 year olds are, and although I have never had a sleepless night or crying fit (myself at least) over this teething thing, he did not have a great day. This huge, blisterlike bubble seemed to have formed over the one molar coming in (this is his 12th tooth to come in, mind you), and Hubby and I would just check it out, look at it, confirm with each other that "yeah, it'll be ok, it's gotta pop sometime". Well, it did. Today. Now this bloody, hanging piece of meat is surviving by a thread inside my little man's mouth and I don't know what else to do. Yeah, I tried Tylenol, Baby Anbesol and those homeopathic teething tablets, but come on already! Until this thing comes off and either swallowed or spit up onto my couch, I don't think there is anything that I, an unhighly educated little Momma can do about it. So hopefully, tomorrow is a better day. (Although I think he is pretty smart and is probably milking this for all the ice -pops that Momma has been giving him!!)

tears inside

I held your hand and tried to look brave

I told you " I Love You ", hopefully not near the final time

Truth is, I cry inside for your pain and wish I could make it better

It will take a lot to knock you down, a strong and tall native fighter, a proud sailor

Smile now, for all the joy you have seen in your wonderful life, there is so much more to come..

what happens in Atlantic City......

Hubby had been in Atlantic City since Wednesday for a convention and Friday nite I joined him. Yes. One full dinner, comedy show and sleepy nite of no kids. Nada. Well, except for the odd sightings of small children playing in the corners of the casinos while their parents were off betting away most likely any chance these poor children had for a college education. But my kids were home, in bed, being sweet little angels for Aunt Katy and Oma. (only 1 time out, or so I have heard.) So it was a great night, although I had to stop myself several times from gushing over my little ones. I did feel a little lost driving my hot sexy minivan down the Expressway, no car seats, no Wiggles movie, just me and my very loud singing. I got to listen to whatever I wanted and no one was there to kick my seat. That in itself was worth the hour drive there.

Today is a beautiful day and we have promised Sarah that after her nap (which she is taking as I type), we will venture off to the beach for some fun in the sun. So with that thought in my head let me run up and put some sunscreen on myself.....

Love Thursday

After skipping about in bloggerland, I have found I love the idea of Love Thursday - so here's my 1st:

I love my beautiful boy, his curiosity and calmness. I love reading to him and smelling his sweet head.

I love my daughter's love of art and especially her interest in drawing smiling pictures of her and Momma.

I love her courage and determination and the fact that a crayon can be a magic wand to another world.

I love spring flowers, the smell of rain, and learning how to see the beauty in it all from two wonderful little souls.

wiggle out

The Wiggles, Wigglytime, Wiggly Party I could possibly go on for hours.

yes, it has been a constant stream of the same Wiggles movie for six days now.

help me.

I am beginning to dance around and sing. I really think I am starting to speak with an Aussie accent.

fruit salad, yummy yummy

I'm even sort of thinking that Captain Feathersword might be sort of muscly and built underneath the whole pirate getup.

Help me - please send reinforcements

inspire me

I remember when I was younger, a small child who loved to draw. I actually did it well, but my low self esteem and not letting others "in" sort of thwarted any progress I could have made. If a teacher noted how well something was, I was embarrassed. If my parents said something was good, to me, it was not good enough for me. I couldn't see it, or didn't want to. I didn't want to stand out or be exposed. Now, I see in my precious little girl of 2 1/2 that love of drawing, paint, even Play-Doh. She begs to draw. She loves to paint and tell me about it, who it is, what they are doing. I am trying to help her grow with that, to feel good about it. To express herself. I want to express myself. I am looking around and finding more inspiration in everything I see. Why didn't I see it before? Was I that closed off? Am I so closed off for someone else to see "me"?

I am trying for today to just look with the eyes of a child. To slow down and look at a different level.. Wonder. Imagination. I am trying that with dealing with children today, instead of being the selfish person I am at times. I am trying it when we go for a walk. I am trying it when we fold laundry. I just need to slow down for a while. Find my inspiration.

dream a little dream (or some fish)

After lunch yesterday ( and a nice little brownie with milk ) I decided to take a nap. The kids were both sleeping, and hubby was in his office doing paperwork. So, as I drifted away on the couch, all snuggled in my 15 yr old blanket, cozy and warm, I tried to think of nothing, just relax and fall, fall, fall. Then it happened. I dreamt of the strangest thing. I dreamt I was just staring at the dinner I was planning to prepare, mahi-mahi roasting in the oven with a honey-dijon sauce. Am I sick??? Is this what my life has come to? In my most relaxed state I am dreaming about food. And not just food, but cooking dinner, which I really do not enjoy anymore. I am sick. There is something wrong with me. Can I no longer imagine that George Clooney is trying to reach me (desperately)?? Or that Brad Pitt has lost my email address and is searching for me??? I think I would even settle for a romantic picnic with one of the Wiggles now. But fish??? Really now. Momma needs to get out of the house. And not to the food store.

A little snapshot sunday

We are hoping to see green leaves soon and more fresh flowers.

red lipstick

As I was lying in bed in the other night, in that space between sleep and alertness, I had a picture appear in my mind's eye. The picture was just of a woman's face, young and vibrant, wearing red lipstick. I had the presence of mind to sort of slow down and just concentrate on her face. As I silently watched, she started to age, like those age progression films you would see on Discovery Channel or something. I watched the laugh lines form and the full, red lips withered into small, tightly closed threads. What sort of life did this woman have? Who the heck is she? Did she laugh alot? Did she have love in her life? Her soft and leathered skin made me think of a beautiful Native American standing in the sun, working, being one with the earth. Her eyes made me wonder what she had seen in her life. Heartache? Pain? Joy? I'm really not sure who it was, not someone familiar to me or my life, as yet I suppose. But as I sit and think about it, I think about my own aging and how it will happen. I hope to have laugh lines so deep they hold all the joy I feel and hope to find. My body will always show that I have been privileged to birth two beautiful children. I hope to feel the sunshine and always see the beauty in the natural earth. I try, even now, to look and listen more to what's around me. Take it in. Feel it.

I guess I'll be going to purchase some red lipstick soon.....

unexpected joy

If I learned to stop and listen I would hear what I was covering up. All the nonsense in my head, the "what ifs" and the "I shoulds", and there is always the second guessing myself and not entirely trusting my own instincts. In the quiet I would find that I am truly happy. These kids bring me a joy I never knew possible. Even when Sarah is applying Hubby's deodorant to her lips as lipstick, or when she rolls over and tells me I have stinky morning breath. When I remember to, I see how slowly time can move when you are putting together a puzzle or kicking a ball around outside. I remember how great it feels to just swing really high or put silly words together. I try not to spend so much time thinking about how much time I wasted in my younger days by worrying about the silly things, like what label or size was on my jeans, and just focus on what values I want my children to hold. How to teach them to reach for the stars and actually get there. Maybe they'll take their crazy Momma with them... Or perhaps, I will get there myself.

slow and rainy wins the race

A slow, rainy day. Time to think.

I would like a playdate with my friend and her little ones, but I need to see my GrandPop who is not feeling well. Besides, Sarah drew a picture for him, so we need to deliver. I will call to see if they are home.

I exercised this morning so with that out of the way, I feel I will be a much better and patient Mommy than I have been lately.

Hubby's office needs to be vacuumed, but frankly, he is a big boy and can do it himself if he needs to.

My little man is teething up a storm and wants to be held all the time. Do not complain Momma, one day, you will be wanting to hold him and he will just want to run, run, run.

Two year olds sure need a lot of one-on-one time, but I am learning so much from her. I wonder if she is learning anything at all from me?
Actually, yes she is. Last night when we were reading books, I sneezed and she said "Bless you Momma". Now, Momma is proud.

more momma guilt

We did not get any outside playtime yesterday and Sarah certainly needed it by the end of the day!! I have already uncovered the sandbox and plan to be out there for a while today. Where does she get this energy? It is all balled up in this little 30 lb body. Can I get some? Just a tad bit? I have decided I do not like planning dinner anymore, so I need to do something about it. No one likes what Momma has to offer, and Momma needs to focus on eating healthier and losing some more baby weight. I do not like cleaning, but frankly, who does?? Ok, I do have a friend who does ( one friend ), and I think that it is just weird, so it would seem I cannot get rid of that chore. I enjoy playing with my kids and I do enjoy exercising when I can do it alone. Yes, alone. Aerobics is not fun when 2 little ones are trying to climb your legs or sit on your gut when crunching. Walking the boardwalk for exercise is fun only when I keep both of them in the stroller so I can actually work up a sweat, but Sarah loves to push her little stroller also. (at a very slow pace mind you). Am I "selfish" for wanting some "me" time, or is this the normal course of things? Do you ever regain it? Does there come a time when you feel ok to focus on yourself or is there always a "momma guilt" involved?

me thinks I need a vacation

(hint to the hubby)

Easter Sunday Snapshot

We had our Easter celebration here at the house yesterday. Lots of ham and chocolate it seems. Family around, especially my brother who currently lives in Virginia. My little man fell asleep around 5:30pm and actually just slept the entire night through!! Sarah, who loves to sleep on her floor (for some unknown reason) also slept good and it was a nice, slow morning of ham and cheese omelets and nice hot coffee (of course!!).

HAPPY EASTER TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD DAY!!

greatest non-expectations

The best days with my kiddies are when I have no expectations and no place to go. Trying to rush a toddler in the bathroom is more stressful I think for me than for her. Making her understand the "now" and the urgency of leaving at a certain time, or hurrying to be home for naptime, she'll never understand that. Her "now" is feeling the warm water dribble over her cool hands as she washes them, or, picking up that perfect rock as we walk outside. We should all take a cue from the little ones more often. We had the best time playing in the sandbox the other day. Time passed so slowly and gently. We dug and built and dug some more. I was saddened when it was time to go in and I realized that I don't spend enough of that precious play time with her. I tend to push her off to play so I can do something else.

More playtime today...

to catch a perv

Everyone knows the Dateline "To Catch a Predator" specials: they lure people trying to meet up with youngsters to have sex, into a house, then arrest them. Well, the front page of our local paper this morning has an article about how this was just done mere miles from our home. Scary. The episode is to air in July sometime and I am more freaked than usual about the whole cybernet-porn-perverts. What freaks me out even more, is that their seem to be so many children who are on the net, unsupervised. I know my kiddies are tiny-tiny and I don't have too worry about this yet, but I have already sworn to hubby that they will never have a computer in their room. I know that parents of adolescents everywhere would think "this chick don't know what she's in for with a teen", and that is true. But shouldn't we start paying more attention to why our children feel the need to speak to unknowns? I have enough trouble trying to keep in touch with the people I already know!

chew it good!

There I was, sitting on the couch with my warm, freshly bathed little girl, reading, for the 27th time this week good 'ole Green Eggs & Ham. I was just about out of breath from reading it, trying to sound like a cool mom making funny voices and everything, when my little one turned her head to watch her father sit on the other couch. I stopped reading and she didn't even notice. She did, however notice the apple that hubby slyly held in his further hand, thinking he had escaped "the grub". As if I was a steaming plate of liver and onions, she jumped away from me to climb right over to daddy, her face right square up to his "I wamt some." I watched from across the room, daddy and daughter, sharing an apple, smiling at each other. As he sliced his own little piece and placed it in his mouth, darling little Sarah said to her daddy "chew it good!" and then proceeded to make sure he knew this every time he took a bite. Yes, every time.

let it go

It is so hard sometimes to really let go of things that we have no control of. This is most definately something I need to work on in order to be 1) a good parent and 2) be happier in my skin. I tend to take things very personally when it comes to the people I love, and I only hope for them to be happy. But alas, I know that their own happiness is only for their own doing. When we someone struggling in a tough relationship, isn't it completely normal to want to see them in a better situation? When we see a loved one who really has never even tried on the rose colored glasses, who sees the world as miserable and dark and has no drive for themselves, don't you just want to grab them and shake them into seeing that it isn't such a bad place? Most unfortunately I have these people in my life, and I take it too much to my own heart. I cannot make anyone else see the beauty that I see, or the greatness they could be if they would just push themselves forward. I cannot keep feeling other people's unhappiness and constantly worrying for them and the sadness I see in their eyes.

My children need me. I think hubby does too (sometimes....)
Although, I am having trouble letting go, I know that in order me to grow, I can no longer hold onto someone else's pain. So, today, I let it all go. This is not to say that I don't care, of course I do. I just need to step back and realize that I cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped.